Self Incineration
by Viper Inferno
Summary: It all started with a battle with a daimon, and Makoto has been plagued by nightmares of her worst fear of all. Fear can do many things to people and change them in many ways, but what happens to Makoto is sure to shock even her closest friends.
1. Part I

Title: Self-Incineration - Part I

Author: Viper Inferno

Genre: Dark Drama

Rated: R

Summary: It all started in a battle with a daimon. Since then, Makoto has been plagued by nightmares, ones of her worst fear of all. Throughout the days, Makoto relives this horrible nightmare, from the fear itself to the very cause of it. Fear can do many things to people and change them in many ways. But what happens to Makoto is sure to shock even her closest friends.

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**Self-Incineration**

_By Viper Inferno_

Part I

Fear, it's something we all live with as human beings. Some cower to protect themselves from it, while others run away at the first sight of it. And many are reluctant to admit it even exists. Therefore many people like to hide it, to keep it buried deep. It's because they are ashamed of it, ashamed of whatever it is that scares them. But fear is more than something that just scares the hell out of us. Some say fear is a part of us, a part of what makes us who we are, just like joy, just like love. Others say fear reminds us of our limits, reminds us that as humans we are frail and finite, and because of that it protects us from our careless selves.

My karate sensei once told me that fear is a challenge in our lives. And as a challenge, it is something we must one day face. It's true that we keep our fears hidden away, deep within us so no one else knows of them. It's also true that we hide from our fears so we never have to see them again. But my sensei was right in that no matter what, no matter how deep within us we hide them, we will have to face our fears in one way or another, even when we least expect it.

Now you wonder why a girl like me, one who would never back down from a challenge, one who lives life on the edge, one who is seemingly fearless, and one with a bitchy attitude like mine, would talk about fear all of a sudden. Well, it's true that I seem fearless, always getting into fights and kicking some ass in my past. I was the one who actually invoked fear in others, something I was once proud of before I met Usagi.

As much as I loved athletics, as much as I admired my own strength, I tried to hide it by acting more feminine, not like I wasn't. I even took on the feminine role of cooking and housecleaning. I hid from my fearless nature to be more feminine, to be accepted by others. And like most people, I also hid from my fears.

Back to the subject of fear now: my fears were something I tried to stay away from. It seemed very easy because I felt that what I feared was something I could live without. Even if you think you could live without something you fear, you never know when you just can't live without it, and you never know when what you fear will come to you, when it will meet you face-to-face.

Fear changes us when we come face-to-face with it. It can make us do things we never thought we could do. It can change our views of life, of the world, and even ourselves. It can make us act crazy; it can make us act stupid. It can strengthen us; it can hurt us, even kill us. The real reason I talk about fear now is because I myself have never once in my life come face-to-face with it.

You see, I am deathly afraid of airplanes. I would not dare step on one to save my life. You can see why it seemed so easy for me to avoid airplanes, there were always alternate modes of transportation. I can live without ever having to fly somewhere on a plane. So I never faced my fear of airplanes, that is... until recently.

My name is Kino Makoto. I am 18 years old and out of high school. The story I am about to tell you happened to me 3 years ago, when I was still fresh with my fearless and invincible persona. But before I tell you my story, I must tell you something else about me, something only a few of my closest friends know about me, since it has much to do with my story. I possess this gift you see, a gift of legendary proportions. And the funny thing is that I wasn't blessed with this gift until after I had met Usagi.

You see, the gift isn't something you just present to someone in a box wrapped in decorative paper. Rather it is something about you, a talent as you may call it. But this is no ordinary talent, mind you, or it wouldn't be so legendary. It's a talent that instantly became a part of me, it became my identity, my alter ego.

So what is this gift so worthy of being called a legend? Well, I am none other than the sailor-suited pretty soldier known as Sailor Jupiter. What made this gift so great to me is that it fit me like a glove. With the power of thunder at my command, it gave me the perfect reason to be fearless, to be strong, to kick some ass, and not be the least bit shy about it all. I would say it was a blessing from God, it was such a great gift. With it, I could be myself.

Now, with that all said, my story can commence. And you'll see from the very beginning where my identity as Sailor Jupiter comes into it.

It was a time of anxiety, a time of an imminent change in our lives. It was a time of preparation for high school entry exams. Grade 8 was drawing to a close, and much of my time and energy was spent with the other girls studying for our entry exams.

It was also a time of conflict and terror, a time when daimons roamed the streets of Tokyo. Yes, I said daimons, monsters taking on various forms, feeding on the hearts of people. These are not the hearts that beat in our chests; rather they're our essences, our spirits, the hearts of us, what makes us who we are. And so my story begins...

_Haneda Airport..._

We were in the middle of a battle with a rather fearsome daimon. This one had infiltrated the Tokyo International Airport and taken on the form of a jet engine, hiding itself perfectly on one of the airplanes. He was powerful too, probably the most aggressive we have faced yet. He had already beaten Sailor Moon and the other Sailor Senshi down. Even Tuxedo Kamen was no match for this jet-powered beast when he came to our aid.

Sailor Mars was pretty much scorched from head to toe. Her fuku was shredded below the bra-line, and her mini-skirt had almost burnt completely away. Sailor Venus also had had her fuku shredded, exposing her bare midriff. And on top of that, she'd sustained a bloody shoulder. And Sailor Mercury was literally embedded into the outside wall of the terminal, leaving a perfect silhouette of her imprinted in it.

After this daimon had basked in his near orgasmic pleasure from inflicting pain on us, he turned his attention toward his intended target and the reason he existed, a young college intern.

Now how did we end up in this predicament, getting beaten down by such a powerful opponent. Hell, how did we even get mixed up in this in the first place? I mean we always showed up just about every time these daimons decided to wreak a little havoc, but it became a whole different battle when someone you or a friend cares for was the target of their cowardly attacks.

But why was today's fight so emotional? Why did it affect us so much? Who was this young college intern? He was no one I knew, but he was a friend someone very close to me. He was Furuhata Motoki's classmate and one of his closest college buddies. We all owed it to Motoki to help his closest friend, a complete stranger to us, as many times as he's been there for us. It's really too bad he never learned that the Sailor Team was us. He really would've appreciated it as something we've done for him, kind of a chance to thank him.

Anyway, so there we were beaten down and being laughed at by this ugly bastard of a daimon. Completely satisfied with our pain and suffering, it had turned on the young man and begun to extract his pure heart crystal. It's really too bad that this stupid idiot couldn't count; there were 5 Sailor Senshi after all. He thought he had us beaten, but no. I was still standing, with a mere tear in my fuku, pissed off at his sadistic and cocky attitude.

"Hey idiot," I taunted, pulling his attention away from Motoki's friend, "You still have me to fight."

When he turned and got a good look at me, I could swear I saw this look in his eyes, that kind of look that peered deep into your soul, accompanied by a rather evil grin. I had a bad feeling about this.

"What?! One of you is still standing?! Damn, and I thought I had all of you pesky little insects swatted down," he said, breaking me from my bad vibes. He sure wasn't smiling as I thought I had seen. He actually looked rather disappointed at the fact I was still standing.

But then, as he paused, that look in his eyes seemed to pierce mine. Immediately, that bad feeling I had struck back like lightning, surging throughout my body. My God, what have I gotten myself into?

"You're Sailor Jupiter," he said, seemingly answering his own curiosity, "I know about you, and I was told to be on the lookout for you."

'What?' I thought to myself, 'I'm really that legendary?'

"Or should I call you 'Kino Makoto'?" he continued, showing off that damned evil smirk.

That rather revealing comment struck me hard. I felt a burning sensation in my chest, as if someone had just stabbed me with that comment. How could this daimon know who I really am? The Death Busters didn't know who we were at the time. In response, with the adrenaline surging through my veins, dropped my eyebrows and clinched my fists, practically begging for a fight. I wanted to kill this bastard before he even had the chance to spout out my alter ego out for all the world to hear.

"Such a fighter you are, fueled by anger and wrath. It does you well, seeing as you're still standing. Funny how I didn't notice you right off. I must've been too busy knocking the other bimbos around," he taunted.

That didn't strike me at all as anything else he knew about me. I was the bad ass of the Sailor Senshi. All that comment actually did was get the adrenaline flowing even faster. It wasn't the stating of the obvious that fueled my rage, but that arrogant boasting over hurting my friends. "How dare you," I snarled, assuming a battle stance.

"Yet, you contradict yourself. You hide yourself under that warrior's pride. You became a fighter to hide something that had defeated you. I know all about you, Makoto. I know you hide your pain and hide your fear with your aggressive attitude. And I know you even hide that with your more feminine attitude and feminine duties," he explained along with a few chuckles, ignoring the fact that I was ready to take my rage out on him.

That comment left me feeling naked. 'How the hell does he know all that about me?' I wondered, with my body filling with anxiety. Even my closest friends barely knew any of that about me. But I had to fight it. I wasn't going to fall to mere words, even if they were revealing.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," I denied, clinching my fists even tighter, practically screaming out how pissed off I was and how badly I really wanted a fight.

"Oh you doubt me, do you?" he said, smiling at his own confidence, "Shall I share it with you? Maybe you won't be so doubtful then, will you."

I merely held my battle stance, though my anxiety factor was shooting through the roof as my heart wanted to beat out of my chest. Still, I tried my best to fight it. "And what do you mean by that?" I retorted.

"You'll see soon enough. I do know you were traumatized as a child. And because of that trauma, you feared it. You feared that it would come back to finish you off. That trauma became your fear, and all your life you used the wrath of a warrior's attitude to bury it deep," he explained.

This was going nowhere. All he was doing was speaking in metaphor, being too general and not telling me what he was talking about. "That's it, I've had enough of your bullshit," I interrupted.

But just as I had lashed forward to end this freak's babbling, my eyes widened in awe as the sky suddenly fell dark and a jumbo jet sitting on the tarmac exploded into a ball of fire. Wondering what was happening, I looked around the flight line. Both the diamon and my fallen friends were nowhere to be seen. Then, the sound of sirens caught my attention. It was at the instant I heard them that I spotted the flashing lights of fire engines and ambulances speeding toward the raging inferno.

'What the hell?' I thought to myself. This had to have been some kind of hallucination, simply because all that I saw and heard were the explosion and the rescue vehicles.

This was why I hated airplanes so damned much. They're unsafe and you didn't make it out alive if one crashed. You just lied there in the rubble with your dead body smoldering from the blaze. Besides, I lost some people very dear to me in a plane crash. Sure people have told me flying was the safest way to travel, but tell that to those who have lost their loved ones to those damned machines.

But this next vision I had was what had brought on my fear of airplanes in the first place. I suddenly heard a knocking sound, as of that on a door. I turned around only to see a man and a woman, both dressed in police uniforms, accompanied by another man, a close friend of the family from long ago, all wearing sad faces. At that instant, my eyes began to water as I remembered this image all too well.

"Kino Makoto," the policeman's voice echoed, "I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was a plane crash last night. Your parents were in it, and they won't be coming home. Your mother... your father... gone. I'm so sorry."

I had turned away halfway through that heart-ripping vision, shutting my eyes tightly as the tears cascaded down my cheeks. This was it. This was what had started it all along, why I had feared airplanes. That echoing voice, along with the sounds of sirens had brought me to my knees, shuddering as I tried desperately to hold back the tears.

"Perhaps this is proof enough that I know all about you," the daimon's voice echoed in my mind. Amongst the horrifying images I had hoped I would never see again, the daimon himself reappeared in front of me, grinning at my own pain, feeding on it, satisfying his sadistic pleasure.

"Ever since your parents died, you feared that the same fate would fall upon you. It really is traumatizing, isn't it? I bet seeing it again after hiding it from it for so long is bringing that trauma back, showing you that your warrior's pride is all but a lie. You can't hide from your pain; you can't hide from your fears. It will only come back to haunt you... forever. Life is a bitch, isn't it?"

Seeing that plane exploding and hearing those dreadful words that had forever changed my life burned inside of me. I'd never forgotten it, the day Mother and Father died, but actually seeing it all again tore away at me, as if seeing the plane explosion wasn't bad enough. The tears were already shedding. I just wanted to let it go and cry right there.

But the daimon that was showing me all of this was still there, shredding away at my very soul with all that he knew about me. So I merely choked back the weeps, squeezed back the tears, and swallowed the pain. I had to shut this monster up before he could do any more to me. "Dammit, shut up. Just shut the hell up you candy-ass bastard," I yelled as I summoned up my furious energy. Feeling the electricity surge through my body, I crossed my arms as lightning was striking my tiara.

"Supreme Thunder!" I screamed as I sent a powerful blast of lightning at the daimon. With all my wrath behind it, the blast struck the daimon hard and sent it flying onto one of the airport trucks. There he lay, beaten down, weakened, yet still alive.

"Damn," I cursed at my failure to kill this sadistic beast. A daimon always reverted back to the object it had possessed when it died, but this one didn't. I had no idea how the hell this one had survived my furious attack.

"Are you okay, Mako-chan?" Sailor Moon's voice ask from behind me, "You looked like you'd seen a ghost."

"I'm fine, Usagi-chan," I evasively replied, "Just finish off the damned bastard."

"Uh, okay," she meekly acknowledged, probably wondering why I was shedding a few tears. So she grabbed her Spiral Moon Heart Rod and performed a few well-choreographed dance moves as she charged her attack.

"Moon Spiral Heart Attack!" she yelled as she fired a shower of hearts at the already weakened daimon. It screamed it's last "Lovely" before it disintegrated into ashes, leaving behind only a mere jet engine. When I saw the ghastly entity that had possessed the jet engine fizzle away into nothingness, I let out a sigh of relief. He had finally been shut up for good, thanks to my dear friend. I swear, no one has ever made me feel so vulnerable, so weak, so naked before this bastard came along. How he knew so much about me still remains a mystery to me.

So with the daimon finally dead and Motoki's friend saved, I began my trek away from the airport with that revelation still fresh on my mind.

"Mako-chan," Usagi summoned, prompting me to turn my eyes to hers, "What's wrong? No victory celebration? Not even a goodbye?"

I only smiled at her, reassuring her I was alright, "Yeah. I just got a little emotional, that's all. I'm going back home, see if I can sleep it off." That was putting it mildly.

Sailor Moon smiled back at me in response, "We all do sometimes. I'm just glad you're all right. I meant, you really looked like something had gotten to you, something that daimon said to you. But I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

I had already turned back right before she has reminded me about tomorrow's study group, "Tomorrow, right." And that was the last I saw of her that day.

When I arrived home, fatigue had already begun to take its toll on me. It wasn't just the fight with the daimon, but mostly the anxiety and fear from seeing those horrifying images that had drained me of my usual energy, and then some. That and the whole revelation lingering in my mind left me feeling really down. So immediately, it was off with my clothes and into my pajamas.

I slowly and silently slid under the protection of my blanket. I glanced over at my alarm clock, 7:46pm. It was rather early for me to be going to bed, but this day had really taken a lot out of me. At least the sun was setting, though, so it wasn't too unusual for me to be in bed. So I snuggled myself in and closed my eyes. I figured I would sleep this whole dreadful experience off...

_...I was wrong, damn wrong..._

It was like I wasn't there, but then again was. I didn't feel like I was there, I didn't see my hands in front of me, and the people there didn't even notice me. Yet I saw everything as if I really was there, like I was watching a movie happening all around me. If that wasn't enough, all I saw were a bunch of chairs, most of them filled with people. Some were off in their own little worlds, some were talking amongst each other, while others read or slept. But then, one couple really caught my attention. I saw Mother and Father, sitting next to a window and enjoying the scenery outside.

Immediately, my heart filled with warmth as I saw them. I saw their eyes sparkle at the scenic view of what seemed to be overlooking a vast land. I saw them smiling, like they were enjoying each other's company more than the scenery itself. A tear then came to my eye at the sight of my family, here, with me. I wanted to just throw myself into their arms, though they probably were oblivious to my being there just as everyone else seemed to be. Still, I wanted to hold them, snuggle up to them, tell them I love them, and tell them that I've missed them. This was just too good to be true.

Then, a sound opened the way to the whole truth of what I was witnessing. "Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking. We are now making our final descent. Please fasten your seatbelts, fold your trays in the upright position, and prepare for landing." Right then, the rest of the picture all flashed into place around me. I was on an airplane, or rather I was watching the inside of one. My heart had skipped a beat that instant before picking up pace. God, how I hated airplanes so damned much, I didn't want to see this. I just wanted this vision to end now, so I could be away from this airplane and see my parents... on the ground.

But then, moments later, the plane began to shake, buck, and roll violently, sending all of its passengers including my parents into a furious panic. Everyone was screaming, even over the captain telling them of the turbulence they had run into. This was another reason I hated airplanes, the ride usually got so bumpy, so rough, so violent that you felt as if it would've been the end right there.

If I wasn't frightened enough from the turbulence, what happened next spelled it all out for me. Suddenly, the plane took a wild roll, throwing loose every loose object about the cabin. Then, my heart stopped in awe as there was an explosion outside, one like the explosion I had seen last night. Then, the cabin lights went dark, with the only light coming from the fire outside the plane. As the plane began to plummet toward the ground, my heart kept on racing faster and faster, nearly jumping out of my chest. My body burned all over as fear had completely taken over my body. I felt myself shaking, even though I couldn't see my shaking hands.

Soon, the fire burst thrpugh the cabin walls, consuming a number of the seats, and the frightened people sitting in them, that it touched. I turned back to my parents, who had been holding tightly onto each other throughout this horrifying ordeal, with the fire spreading swiftly through most of the cabin.

"Mako-chan!!!!!" my mother screamed in agony, just before the entire plane exploded in a raging ball of flames as it had finally augured into the ground.

I immediately sprung up from my bed, sweating profusely and breathing heavily. I looked around and about to see that I was back in my room, in my apartment, and most of all, on the ground. My face felt cold, as if it were pale from the sight of that plane explosion. But it was all a dream, but damn did this dream scare the hell out of me. I've never had this dream before, never. But it seemed so real, as if that was what had really happened when my parents died.

I grasped my blanket tightly at that thought and pulled it close to my chest. Seeing Mother and Father, especially like that, drew tears to my eyes. They were so happy, so serene, so filled with joy, only for it to end all in fear, agony, and sheer terror.

"Mother... Father..." I whimpered before burying my face in the blanket. There I wept, the same way I had wept when I was told that they wouldn't be coming home, that they had died, the same way I had wept at their funeral. I felt weak, torn, and empty all over again throughout the night, even after I had cried myself back to sleep.

_...this was only the beginning..._

_end of Part I_

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Author's Notes: I had a great deal of fun writing this fanfic. Although I recommend reading the whole story as all 6 parts weave together, I believe that Parts IV and VI are my best, in my opinion.

Disclaimer: As usual, Sailor Moon and most of the characters ain't mine, but belong to Naoko Takeuchi. And God bless that woman for creating such great entertainment for all of us with a lot of free time on our hands to enjoy. The English dub belongs to DiC Entertainment and Cloverway, and I only thank them for bringing' it to America, nothin' more. But Russell Hino/Hino Kyodai, Tuxedo Inferno, Titanius, and Deanna Kokorono/Kokorono Meijin are MINE (in a growling voice). So, please don't sue me. I'm just a lonely man who ain't got anythang but his pride. Well, y'all enjoy this fanfic and e-mail me.

Have fun Sailor Moon fans,  
Viper Inferno  
(Y2V)


	2. Part II

Title: Self-Incineration - Part II

Author: Viper Inferno

Genre: Dark Drama

Rated: R

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**Self-Incineration**

_By Viper Inferno_

Part II

_This was only the beginning..._

I awoke the next morning to a ringing sound coming from the kitchen. I felt as if I had a terrible night's sleep. But I couldn't blame myself. That dream I had last night was very disturbing, to say the least. That dream had taken a lot out of me, as if the battle with the daimon weren't bad enough. I had cried myself to sleep last night from being in so much agony after seeing them die, especially hearing Mother scream my name.

The ringing in the kitchen stopped moments later as I slowly laid back down, thinking about last night. I'd never had this dream before. Sure, I've had dreams of seeing Mother and Father before, but I had never seen them like that. I'd never dreamt of seeing them in that plane, the very plane that had burned them alive. My dreams of them were always joyful ones, but this one was far from joyful. It was filled with pain, fear, and agony.

It really made me feel like shit. I really didn't want to get up, but it was another ringing sound coming from the kitchen that had prompted me to roll back over and glance at my alarm clock, 10:12am.  
"Holy shit!" I exclaimed as I sprung up out of bed and out of my room, nevermind the fact I was in my t-shirt and panties. I must've really slept hard last night, considering it was almost 8:00 when I went to bed. I ran into the kitchen where the ringing originated and picked up the phone. "Moshi Moshi?"

"Mako-chan, you do remember about today, don't you?" Usagi's voice said over the phone.

'Oh yes, the study group, I almost forgot about it,' I thought to myself before answering Usagi, "Oh no, Usagi-chan, not at all."

"This is the third time I've called you this morning," said Usagi,  
"Surely you didn't sleep in, did you? Study group's at 11 and Ami's already here."

"Of course I didn't sleep in, I'm not like you," I replied, poking back at Usagi, "And you're not at already Rei's this early, are you?"

There was silence on the phone for a minute before Usagi responded,  
"Very funny, Mako-chan. I swear you and Rei are out to get me sometimes. So you are coming, right?"

"Of course, I'll be there shortly," I answered.

"Okay, I'll see you there," said Usagi before she hung up the phone.

"Yeah, thanks Usagi," I said to no one in particular before I hung the phone back up. After that, I walked right back into my room to get dressed. I certainly wasn't going to a study group at Rei's in my t-shirt and panties. As I was putting my clothes on, I figured I'd try and forget the whole nightmare I had last night. It was over with; it was in the past. Plus, the daimon who knew everything about me was dead too, so he couldn't do anything more to me. But it still made me wonder just how the hell he knew so much about me. How did he know about me, that I love to show my strength, yet hide it? And how did he know I feared airplanes, and why I feared them? I guess I'd never know, so it was best not to think about it.

After getting dressed, I turned to look at my alarm clock, 10:34am. 'Damn, I better get there quick,' I thought to myself as I bolted out the door. I quickly slid my black flats on and quickly left my apartment.

_Hikawa Jinja... as the rest of my story begins_

I arrived at the Hikawa Jinja, Rei's house, where the others had already gathered and were awaiting my arrival. I glanced at the clock on the living room wall, 10:57am. I was on time today, though the knowing look on Usagi's face made me doubt that.

"What happened, Mako-chan? Did you sleep in?" she teased.

"Oh, like you've never been the last one here, Odango," Rei immediately poked back. I was surprised myself that Usagi wasn't the last one here. Sure she never missed a study group, but she was almost always late getting there.

So after we had gotten settled, we began our studies. As I've said before, this was a time we looked forward to high school. But along with that came the worry over entry exams. These tests weren't easy, especially for me. I wasn't always the best in school, but I wasn't too shabby either, considering I was descent in the arts. Reading was something I would do once in a while when I wasn't cooking or cleaning house. But it was the sciences that never grabbed my interest, and was the area I sometimes struggled in.

Usagi was actually the one who needed these study groups more than anyone. I'm very sure she's a smart girl and all, but she sure loved to worry so much about other stuff rather than concentrate what she should've be doing. She too was not exactly a sharp knife, but she sure had a spirit as white as snow and a heart as pure as Heaven.

I myself actually gave very little of the advice and help amongst the group, plus I was reluctant to give any of my views on certain subjects. That was mostly because I would agree with either Rei or Ami on their views, or accept Ami's help in the science department. And as usual, at some point in our study group, Rei and Usagi had a disagreement on a subject and began their little bitch session. At times, I could've sworn those two hated each other as much as they bitched and argued. Usually, I just tuned them out and concentrated on my own studies. But it was a task I often found myself doing alone since Ami often inserted herself into their affair as the voice of reason, while Minako tended to Usagi if Rei ever hurt her feelings.

Back to the study group now, I tried my best to forget last night's battle with the daimon, the one who knew so damn much about me, about my true self, and about my darkest secrets. Everyone else seemed to be doing a good job at putting it behind them, so it was sort of an obligation that I too put it behind me. But none of the others saw what I saw... felt what I felt... experienced the ordeal I experienced last night. I tell you, it sure as hell was no easy task for me, but I did it, nonetheless. How? I had no damn clue. It must've been the fact we all were concentrating on our studies. Like I said, the sciences weren't easy for me, so they weighed heavily on me as I tried to sort it all out, with some success too.

It was after some time during our study group, after I had gotten some pointers from Ami and tried myself to see for myself what she was saying, that Usagi had a disagreement and Rei made fun of it. That was the start of yet another annoying bitch session. God how I was really starting to hate this. Every time a day with the study group was starting to look up for me, those two had to start their arguing. So as usual, I just tuned them out, figuring I can just work on this science that Ami had helped me on earlier.

It actually wasn't that bad as I just made it out to be. I had gotten used to tuning their arguing out and studying over the racket they made. Also, I found it easier to understand a little bit of physics on my own too, after Ami had helped me out a little. Physics was usually a difficult subject for me, and one I often hated. But after a little session with Ami, I looked at it with a little better understanding, seeing the answers there for myself. This was probably going to be my best study group since we'd first begun on our entry exams, and I wasn't going to let Rei's and Usagi's bitching stop that from happening.

But that still didn't make their argument any less annoying. Actually, it was really starting to piss me off. I was ready to get up and get the hell out of the room and take my books elsewhere. I was doing a fine job after Ami had helped me out, so I would've been fine just studying the sciences elsewhere.

So I decided to leave, to get away from their constant, loud, annoying bitching. But when I got up, I saw this flash, just a bright flash that had frozen me right there. I really couldn't explain it, except that it seemed like I was the only one who just now saw it. Rei and Usagi were still bitching, while Ami was busy herself trying to tune them out as she was helping Minako straighten out some of her studies. Hell, they probably didn't even notice that I had stopped all of a sudden. 'You contradict yourself, Makoto. You hide your pain and fear with anger and wrath,' echoed in my mind. I was angry, I was getting sick of their arguing.

So I began walking out of the living room, away from their bitching so I could try and get some good studying done. Damn, I hope their breaking my concentration didn't hurt my studies. But right as I had entered the doorway, I saw another quick flash, again stopping me dead in my tracks. Maybe this was just in my mind, especially when that voice returned, 'That trauma became your fear, and all your life you used the wrath of a warrior's attitude to bury it deep.'

At that moment, I recognized the voice. It was that damn daimon we had fought yesterday. Right as his words echoed in my mind, I saw yet another flash, only this time I was no longer at the Hikawa Jinja, but was in an endless void with absolutely nothing in around me. All I heard were the screams of many people in panic. So I turned round and saw a raging inferno burning behind me, consuming a few of the people as it drew closer to me.

With my heart racing in fear, I immediately turned to run. But it was as if my feet were concrete blocks, like everything was happening so fast around me, yet I was moving in slow motion. I was going nowhere. In my attempt to flee, I tripped and fell to my knees. Right before the flames came to me, I turned away and laid my face in my hands. Amongst the screams was a familiar voice screaming "Mako-chan!!!!!" I knew it was my mother's voice from last night's dream, the same voice that had drawn tears to my eyes afterward.

"Mako-chan?" another voice echoed, calling to me. I looked up,  
still seeing the flames around me, yet they were more subtle, tame, and harmless. The screams that had filled the endless void with sheer terror had been silenced. And all I heard what that echoing voice calling my name. The voice was another one that was familiar to me, but this one was a more of a friendly voice than an agonizing one.

"Mako-chan?" Usagi's voice called to me, finally breaking me from this dreadful trance, "Are you alright? You look pale." She had the backs of her fingers on my check, gently feeling it as if she were trying to feel for some kind of temperature. She was also wearing a look of worry on her face, the same look she'd worn yesterday after I had shut that damned daimon up after scaring the hell out of me with that hallucination.

"Yeah, I'm fine Usagi-chan. I'm just feeling a little sick, that's all," I said, covering up what had really happened, yet reassuring her.  
Actually, it wasn't that far off from the truth. Just as it did yesterday, this vision left me feeling a little drained after fear had once again struck me deep in the heart.

"You want me to take you home?" Usagi asked, taking my hand in hers. Her hand felt quite warm in mine. It was either that or mine were just cold compared to hers. "My God, you're hands are cold, and they're trembling," Usagi commented, answering that question. At least hers were warm to the touch, and rather soothing too. But why wouldn't I be trembling? I was on an airplane about to be burned alive. It sure as hell wasn't a pleasant experience. But now, I felt relieved, relieved that it was all just a hallucination. And I felt safe with Usagi's warm, gentle touch. "No thanks, Usagi-chan. I can make it through," I answered, showing a little of that tough girl attitude Usagi's grown to love. Plus I wanted to finish my studies with the group.

"Are you sure? We don't have long to go today," Usagi asked. Right then, I was thinking Usagi knew something was wrong. But it was probably just her worrying about me and wanting to make sure I was alright. I mean look how we tended to Rei when she was sick. Even Usagi almost never let her out of her sight.

So the study group was almost over. At least this was one of the best times I've had studying for these entrance exams, that was until I had this damned awful hallucination. So why not, Usagi? "Alright, I can use a little rest anyway," I submitted. If Usagi was doing this for me, then I might as well have accepted it. So I rose to my feet and turned back to the group. Ami was still busy helping Minako out, while Rei was looking at us with her own look of concern on her face.

"Is she alright, Usagi-chan?" Rei asked. Hey, I was her friend too, why wouldn't she be concerned about me. And I knew Ami and Minako were too, especially since Minako had a hard time trying to listen to Ami as she too was glancing over in my direction. I smiled at Rei, letting her know I was going to be fine.

"Yes, Rei-chan. She just needs to rest, that's all," Usagi replied.

"Okay, you two go ahead. Study group's almost over anyway, so I won't scold you for bailing out early," said Rei, giving Usagi a teasing wink. Somehow, Usagi didn't even respond to it as she usually did. I mean, I caught that pun easily. It must've been Usagi's concern for me that had shielded her from Rei's wise-crack. We just simply made our way to the front door and slid our shoes on.

"Thank you, Rei-chan," Usagi said as she and I made our way out the door.

"Get well soon, Mako-chan," Rei called out.

After we had left the temple, Usagi let go of my hand, probably because she didn't want anyone seeing her as some sort of lesbian. That part was fine by me, but still it was rather soothing having her hand in mine. It made me feel safe, serene, and protected. But at least she was walking me home, so it didn't bother me too much.

"Are you sure you're alright, Mako-chan?" Usagi asked, "You haven't been quite yourself since last night." I could've sworn that was like the third time she's asked that today. This time, I wasn't quite as thankful for her concern as I was the first time, but rather I was more annoyed that she seemed to be prying into my feelings, trying to make me say what was going on. She's my friend and all, but enough already.

"Yes, I'm fine, Usagi-chan. I'm just not feeling good, that's all," I replied, holding back my moodiness. And yes, I haven't been feeling quite myself lately, ever since last night to be exact. She couldn't understand what I had seen last night, what I had dreamt, and what I saw just then. She's not afraid of airplanes like I am, she doesn't have hatred for them, and she damn well hasn't lost anyone she's loved in a plane crash either. But I couldn't tell her, I couldn't tell anyone. I was supposed to be the rough, tough, ass-kicking girl who would never let fear get in her way. She was going to be in for one hell of a disappointment if I told her what was really wrong with me.

So for now, I thought I'd just change the subject and get both our minds of off this, "Hey Usagi-chan, how was study group for you?"

"Huh?" Usagi grunted, wondering why I popped out that question after she had expressed her concern for me, "Well, I think I did alright... maybe, I guess. Science is such a boring subject, and I can't even understand math very well either. Ami had to help me most of the way through it."

"Yeah, she helped me too," I said, "But did you understand it better after Ami had pointed it out to you?"

"A little," Usagi meekly replied, obviously bending the truth a little.

"Well, I really got to understanding the sciences a little better after Ami had helped me out. Science is a subject I really don't care for either, but after Ami's help, I was better able to understand it all for myself," I explained.

"I see," Usagi replied, "Maybe I'll pay attention to Ami a little better next time." She smirked at her own comment, and I myself almost chuckled at it.

After a nice walk, we finally made it to my apartment. Home, it felt good to be here. And I was actually feeling more thankful for Usagi, just because she was there with me. As long as she didn't ask that question again, I was fine. But hell, who gave a shit if she asked or not. She loved me and cared a lot about me, so it was natural that she would be worried about me if something didn't seem right. She was kind of like a sister to me, and I loved her just the same.

I slid my key into the door and gently pushed it open. Usagi stayed where she was while I walked inside, sliding out of my flats at the door. I then turned back to Usagi, "Thank you, Usagi-chan." I smiled at her, letting her know I was going to be okay. At least, I hoped I was going to be fine.

"Anytime, Mako-chan," Usagi replied, smirking back at me, "See you later, alright?" She then turned and made her way down the hall and out of sight.

"Yeah... later," I said to myself as I gently shut the door. I really didn't feel too good with her gone just then. She really did make me feel better during our nice walk home. It had gotten my mind off of that dreadful flashback. But after she had left, it came right back and weighed on my shoulders.

Damn I was hating this, and damn that daimon for even bestowing this upon me. If it weren't for him, I still wouldn't be feeling so... exposed, so humiliated. He knew all about me, he knew I had lost my parents, which eventually became everything about me. That trauma had become my fear, which then I hid with anger, wrath, and pride. And then, I hid that pride with my feminism, my household chores, my love for cooking, and even my desire to become a great chef. He knew all that about me, and it made me feel so naked, so exposed. And seeing all my fears again frightened me, putting it mildly. I almost cried when I first saw it last night, I wept like a baby when I saw my parents death in my dreams, and I felt like crying right then after Usagi had left.

So I slumped down on the sofa in the living room and let a few tears shed as the dreams dominated my mind. I never thought I would ever have to face my fear of flying, seeing as I can take a boat or a train. But it was that daimon and some psychic power he had that made me face those fears almost first hand. Sure, I was never really on the plane, but it looked and even felt real. And the words that had forever changed my life, that was definitely real. Maybe not last night when I saw it again, but it really did happen.

The dream, I never had it before. I'd never dreamt of witnessing their deaths from within. They were so happy, so peaceful, very much enjoying themselves and looking forward to coming home, coming home and seeing me again. But then that peace shattered in an instant when the plane exploded in mid-air. In an instant, the cabin had transformed from peaceful chatter to terrified screaming. But what had struck me the hardest was when Mother had screamed my name just before the plane hit, as if she were desperately calling for me. As I've said before, that must've been how it really happened on the plane.

With Mother's cries echoing in my mind again, I threw my hands over my face and burst out crying. "Mother... I'm so sorry," I whimpered through my own sobs. I missed her... I missed Father. It had been so long since they died. But since last night, it felt like it had just happened the day before. I felt the same pain, the same hurt, the same loss I felt the day it happened. I figured I should just let the tears of pain flow, let myself grieve, let myself mourn all over again. Pretending it never happened would've just left an open wound within me, one that would've forever bled unless I did something to close it. I didn't hold back when they died, and I surely didn't hold back just then. So there I cried, letting my emotions pass by.

After I had cried away my pain, my grief, my sorrow, I had laid down on the sofa and closed my eyes. There, I cleared my mind as I let my body and mind slowly fall into sleep. I had taken a nice short nap after the study group. The whole vision and the pain I felt when I came home had left me drained. After my little nap, I was actually starting to feel better, both in my body and in my mind. But damn, was I hungry. So I decided to go to my kitchen and do what it was I did best, cook me a descent meal.

Cooking was always something I enjoyed. It was an art, really, something to truly be appreciated. One had to be gifted to truly grasp the concept of it. Cooking wasn't all following a recipe, rather it was how you did it that made the dish a true work of art. But it was something I spent a lot of time and effort doing. It kept my mind on it and off of other things, such as school, exams, things that bothered me, and even the really cute guy I may have seen earlier that day.

So I grabbed my cookbook and browsed through the main dishes I was to cook. I had figured I'd prepare a good-sized course, figuring Usagi would probably come over the next day and want something. And knowing her, she surely would've finished off the leftovers. When I found a main dish to make, I jotted it down on a notepad and browsed through the side dishes, jotting down anything I thought sounded appetizing at the time.

With my list of dishes, I grabbed my ingredients and began preparing my meal. Throughout the rest of the day, I worked hard on preparing a fine full-course meal, fit for an emperor. Preparing 6 dishes was no easy task, not even for a well-disciplined expert like myself. I had literally spent hours at the stove, keeping watch and tending to the pots and oven. My cooking had kept me busy the rest of the day, but it was surely well worth the effort. When I had finally finished, I felt I had accomplished something. I had the table set just as if there were four of us eating there that day. I had always done it that way, whether it was just me, or if any of my friends were over. If there were more than four of us, I just set the table for that many of us.

So I sat at the table, all by myself, and partook in my gourmet meal. After the first few bites, I was once again assured that my efforts were well spent. I had done something I loved, prepared one helluva good meal, and it kept my mind off of other things. Not once did I worry about my entrance exams, and not once did I dwell on the dreams and flashbacks, nor did I ever have another one, not for the rest of the day.

After I had finished my meal, and had put away the leftovers, I glanced over at the clock in the kitchen, 10:12pm. It was getting late, and I was getting tired. I really did spend a lot of time cooking. So I decided it was best that I retired for the evening. I didn't think of anything else but my head hitting the pillow. So I walked into my room, slipped out of my clothes and into my pajamas, and crawled into my bed. That day surely was one helluva day. I had a great study session, only to be cut a little short by that dreadful flashback of last night's dream, I came home crying, even though Usagi didn't see it, but it ended great afterwards with my favorite hobby and an exquisite meal. With the good times dwelling on my mind, I closed my eyes and silently slipped into sleep.

No more nightmares, no more flashbacks, no more pain, no more fear. It's all too good to be true...

_... but that's not my whole story, it didn't end there..._

_end of part II_

* * *

Disclaimer: As usual, Sailor Moon and most of the characters ain't mine, but belong to Naoko Takeuchi. And God bless that woman for creating such great entertainment for all of us with a lot of free time on our hands to enjoy. The English dub belongs to DiC Entertainment and Cloverway, and I only thank them for bringing' it to America, nothin' more. But Russell Hino/Hino Kyodai, Tuxedo Inferno, Titanius, and Deanna Kokorono/Kokorono Meijin are MINE (in a growling voice). So, please don't sue me. I'm just a lonely man who ain't got anythang but his pride. Well, y'all enjoy this fanfic and e-mail me.

Have fun Sailor Moon fans,  
Viper Inferno  
(Y2V)


	3. Part III

Title: Self-Incineration - Part III

Author: Viper Inferno

Genre: Dark Drama

Rated: R

* * *

**Self-Incineration**

_By Viper Inferno_

Part III

_But that's not my whole story, it didn't end there..._

I got up the next day, and a little earlier than I did the day before. It was about 7am when I had gotten up, compared to 10 yesterday. I'd actually gotten a better night's sleep that time. I wasn't feeling really down that night, that same nightmare didn't come back to haunt me, and I didn't cry myself to sleep after having it. It was just a peaceful and relaxing sleep after a long day. I felt as if that nightmare had finally ended, that it had finally left my mind, and that I had defeated it after letting it all go, freeing it from its prison where it had thrashed at me.

So after my usual morning routine, I decided that I wanted to go out for breakfast. It wasn't something I usually did, seeing as how I loved to cook, but today I wanted to relax. I wanted to go out for the day and immerse myself in the great urban outdoors. So I slipped into some tennis shoes and it was out my apartment door I went.

For breakfast, I went to the Crown's restaurant, where another friend of mine worked. This particular friend was one I had met through Usagi, and one whom I had visited often at Crown's. I felt I should have at least some company, which was the reason I had decided to go to Crown's for breakfast. And sure enough, that friend was there when I arrived.

"Good morning Mako-chan," he greeted after his eye caught mine, "You here for breakfast for just to see how I'm doing?"

"A little of both actually," I replied as I approached the counter where he stood, "I felt like going out for breakfast this morning, and I could use a little company."

"Well, you've come to the right place, as usual," he said, "But where's Usagi and the others?"

"I came alone today," I answered. I usually came to Crowns with Usagi and the others, so it wasn't unusual for him to ask me where they were, or even to wonder why I didn't come with them. Sometimes, I preferred having his company alone, just me and not the others. I guess you could say I had a thing for this friend of mine. Sure people would say that I ogled anything on two legs and was desperate for a boyfriend since the time my last one had left me, but this guy wasn't just some little crush I had. Or maybe he was. Even so, I sometimes thought my desire to be in his company was a little more than my typical 15-year-  
old crush.

So I ordered my breakfast after that little chat with my friend. It was mostly a one-sided conversation, not really much of a chat. But, at least he was there, and that suited me just fine that day. Sometimes, just the guy being there made me feel good inside. I'm sure you know what it's like to have great company just from the person being there. That was how I felt then. Great breakfast from a great guy, I had my cake and ate it too, you could say. So after ordering my breakfast, I sat in the corner of the restaurant, looking out of one of the windows.

This was really looking to be a great morning for me. I had gotten a great night's sleep, I was getting better at my studies for my entry exams, and Usagi had helped to cheer me up yesterday. I just hoped that the Death Busters wouldn't ruin this morning for me. I had kicked their asses enough for a while, especially that damned bastard who had put me through so much hell two nights ago. But, that was in the past. I didn't gave to worry about him anymore, or so I hoped.

"Here you go, Mako-chan," my friend's voice said to me as he set down in front of me a nice French toast breakfast, with eggs, sausage, and a glass of milk. It was a nice American breakfast to go with for the day, something a little different. I always had a thing with dishes from other cultures, so it was nice to have for that day.

"Thank you, Motoki-san," I said before I dug into my breakfast. Sure I was a damn good cook, but it was great to have something someone else made once in a while, just as long as it wasn't Usagi's.

After I had finished my breakfast, I had gotten up from my seat and began to make my way toward the counter. "Leaving so soon?" Motoki asked as I reached the counter. I hadn't realized that I had eaten that fast. It was either that, or Motoki-san was so busy that morning that he had completely lost track of time. I looked at my watch and saw that it was about 15 minutes since I had started, proving the latter to be true. Poor Motoki-san, he sure overworked himself at times, but he always had a smile on his face no matter how rough the day was on him.

But perhaps I was leaving soon. Even if I had Motoki-san's company, I was out of the house and wanted to be out for the morning. Maybe 15 minutes was a bit fast, 15 minutes when I barely said anything to him. But, he was a busy guy that morning, so I wasn't too bummed out about it. But just having him nearby brought on that warm feeling I had the whole time I was there. Yet, I was ready to leave Crown's and spend the rest of the morning out and about. "Perhaps," I replied to Motoki as I paid him for my breakfast, "It's just been hell the past couple of days. I need to get out for a while and get away from it all. You know?"

"I understand," said Motoki, smiling at me, "Stop by anytime, and say hi to Usagi for me." I smiled as I walked out of Crown's, with the assurance from Motoki that had kept that warm feeling within me alive.

The Tokyo outdoors were actually pretty active, with it being summer and all. All of the kids were out of school and were walking about the streets, talking amongst themselves, and window shopping along the store fronts, at least those who didn't have entry exams to worry about. But as for me, Rei didn't have a study group scheduled for this day, so I was free to spend my day out of the house.

So with no worries weighing down on me, and no signs of the Death Busters raising hell, I decided to join the crowds of people walking about Tokyo's streets. I tell you, it felt great to be outside, even in this noisy urban environment, amongst its many other citizens. This must've been what Usagi felt whenever she would take strolls down Tokyo's streets, nice, relaxed, and not a care in the world. Besides, the noise was actually beneficial since it distracted one from their thoughts, especially since mine haven't been so pleasant lately.

And there was so much to do too, so many places to go, so many things to see, that it was difficult for me to decide exactly what I wanted to do. So for then, while I was wondering what to do, I just turned a corner and continued blending in with the people. I might as well have just become a part of the urban surroundings since I had this whole day to myself. I was in no big rush to do anything.

What did distract me, though, was the sound of a siren approaching where I was. I really thought nothing of it since it merely added to sounds of the urban environment. Also, it was just part of life since there was always some place or somebody needing the help of Tokyo's emergency services. But what had finally made me turn my head was when that one siren became two, and then three. There, approaching where I was, were ambulances and fire engines. And I wasn't the only one whose attention they grabbed. Almost everybody had their eyes turned on the motorcade of emergency vehicles as well. It wasn't really all that unusual since that was the reason they had sirens on those things in the first place. But damn their noise was getting awfully annoying.

However, deep down inside, as another fire truck sped by, I felt the urge to run toward where they were going. It was as if something or someone important had called me to where those trucks were going. But then again, aren't people usually curious about where emergency vehicles are going? So I bolted in that direction, knocking aside a couple of people, and not even paying attention to their cursing. As I was running, two police cruisers passed me by and turned at a nearby corner, where a rather sizable group of people was running. Maybe they felt the same urge I did and had also decided to see what was going on. But mine was different, as if something deep down inside had complete control over me and was making me go toward where the other people were going. So I turned that corner and joined the stampede of people, wondering what the hell had possessed me to run toward a bunch of sirens.

But it was when we made it there that we had joined an even larger group of people, gathered around an area that the police had cordoned off. There, we witnessed a 4-story building completely gone ablaze, along with dozens of nearby cars. I swear that blaze was so damned intense that I felt the heat from it even from way back where I was, a pretty good distance from the police lines. Curious, I swam through the group of people. But it only proved to be useless when I made it only a car-length closer to the cordon. The crowd of people was just too thick for me to be trying to push and shove my way through, at least without getting into a fight. So I turned to a random person and asked what had happened.

"It looks like one hell of a crash," the man said.

"Yeah, fuel trucks can sure cause one hell of a boom," another man exclaimed.

"I heard some asshole wasn't watching where he was going and slammed into it," a younger man had described.

It was really odd, because I heard no explosion. I would've heard an explosion of that magnitude, even if it had happened while I was at Crown's. I also would've felt the windows not only vibrate, but also rattle under the shock. And the other people there would also have heard and felt it. I mean, we weren't but about 6 or 7 blocks from Crown's, so I sure as hell would've heard it. But when I turned back to the raging inferno, what had possessed me to run toward here in the first place began to resurface. Why the hell was I here? What did this have to do with anything? Sure it was exciting and awe-inspiring at the same time, witnessing a blaze this intense, but what purpose did watching a fire serve, other than to distract people? But the question really was, what was so special about this blaze that had possessed me to come here? The sight of the blaze, the smell of burning fuel, and even the sensation of the intense heat only heightened that feeling of possession I had, and answered my questions.

"Life is a bitch, isn't it?" a voice echoed in my mind. At first I had thought it was one of the other people commenting on the fire since everybody was talking about it. "...isn't it?!" the voice repeated more harshly. That time, the voice seemed to be directed at me. So I looked around to find out from whom the comments came. It must've been in my mind since I was probably thinking the same thing, wondering about the people involved in the wreck. So I turned back to the blaze, having concluded that it was all in my mind, that was until when the sky suddenly fell dark all around me. My eyes widened at such a sudden sight, for this sure as hell looked like another daimon attack. Dammit, I really wasn't in the mood for fighting, not today, a day when I was supposed to be relaxing and getting away from it all. What urban tranquility I was experiencing, the urban environment that made me feel... like a normal girl, all seemed to be coming to a crashing halt right before my eyes.

Instinctively, I looked around at the other people, wondering if they were seeing what I was seeing. But they were all still looking at the fire, awestricken by the blaze and completely oblivious to the dark sky around them. What the hell was wrong with these people? Didn't they see that the sky had all of a sudden turned black as night? Shouldn't that have told them that something terrifying was about to happen, such as one of their pure hearts being ripped from their bodies? I turned back to the fire and, to my surprise, saw only the fire and hordes of flashing lights around it. It was as if the sea of people in front of me had parted, revealing the fire's true colors.

However, this blaze looked rather familiar as a feeling of d?a vu had begun to take my mind. It looked like one I had seen, one I'd seen recently. Sure I have seen my share of house and building fires, but this one was just so familiar. The look of it, the sound of it, and even the smell and feel of it were all the same as one I had experienced before... quite recently.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was a plane crash last night," I heard another voice say. I knew it wasn't any of the people around me that time, simply because it was a voice I had heard only a couple nights ago, speaking those dreadful words I had become all too familiar with. I slowly backed away from the blaze, with my hands beginning to tremble and my heart beginning to race, as I had concluded why I seemed to be the only one seeing this dark sky. But when I turned around to run from it, all the people were gone. The whole city had turned black around me. Nobody was around, not even the people who were talking amongst themselves about the fire they were witnessing. So there I was, standing in another endless void, feeling only the heat of the blaze behind me.

"Life really is a bitch, isn't it Makoto?" a voice taunted from behind me. If that damn fire wasn't familiar enough, it was that voice that confirmed what had possessed me to run over here in the first place. When I turned around, my eyes widened in awe as they met those of the very son-of-a-bitch who had brought on this whole feeling of d?a vu.

"Behold, the very reason you are who you are, and what you are," the daimon explained. "There's no use running from it, Makoto. This is who you are. This is your pain, your fear. But what you fear is the inevitable. You may hide from it, you may run from it, you may even pretend after a long time that it never happened. But in doing so, it has come back with a vengeance and bitten you hard in the ass," he continued, "Hurts like hell, doesn't it?"

Throughout that whole one-sided speech, I was really trembling in terror, feeling as if the daimon had thrust his hand into my chest and was ripping away at my very soul. Scared was hardly the word I could've used to describe what I was feeling. I mean, even after I had fried his ass, he was still there, making me face these damned visions, my past, and my fears all over again. Even in death, he was dealing me one hell of a blow. At the end, my eyes began to water up, begging me to burst out weeping. "Shut the hell up, you son-of-a-bitch," I screamed as I swung my fist at him with all my might driving it, knocking him down, before I turned and ran away.

But behind me, I heard him laughing at me, "Yes, run away. Run as far as you can. You can't hide from it forever, for it will catch up with you and take you down with it." Then, I turned a corner and saw a tunnel of light, with the daimon still laughing at my suffering.

As I ran toward it, the darkness began to fade as the rest of the city began to take form all around me, as if I was waking up from a horrible nightmare with blurry vision. When I reached the end of the tunnel, I had found myself in an alleyway, alone, and with nobody there to witness my misery. I then fell to my knees, breathing heavily from both the horrifying episode of d?a vu and the run away from it. Damn that daimon. I thought I had kicked his ass, I thought I had finally defeated what he had done to me, and I thought I had finally beaten back the flashbacks and hallucinations I've faced the past couple of days. But was I so damned wrong, and the tears that were escaping from my watering eyes and the burning sensation in my chest proved it.

Why was all of this happening? Why did I keep seeing this over and over? Was this who I really was, as the daimon had been suggesting all along? The visions were not just back, they were there all along. But this time, it wasn't just what I was seeing that was weighing so heavily on my mind, but also what the daimon was saying in my mind. It not only scared the shit out of me, but it made me think of how true everything he said had begun sounding, especially with the fact that he seemed to know everything about me so vividly. Immediately, that burning sensation in my chest had reached my throat as I threw my face into my hands and let it all out in one big weep.

There I was, crying once again for the same damn reason I did before. It was all because of something in my mind, something that had left me so open and so wounded that it was something not easily forgotten about. I was supposed to be the tough girl, the one who'd kick the first person's ass who called me a crybaby, or even mentioned that I cry. Things like fear and anguish were supposed to be things I knew nothing of, let alone succumbed to. But there I was, defeated by a memory resurrected by that Death Busters bastard. With how well he knew me, he sure knew the right buttons to push. And push them he sure as hell did, because these damned flashbacks kept coming back to me, ripping away at my very essence, reopening old wounds I thought had healed long ago. What a hell of a way it was to spend a day like this.

"Mako-chan?" a young girl's voice addressed me. I dared not look at the face of the girl, having no desire to show her my teary-  
eyed face. She was already seeing me in my weakest state, but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of seeing it written all over my face. She did sound familiar, though. I knew she had to be a friend since she addressed me with -chan rather than -san. Sure I knew a number of girls at that time, four of them being the closest friends I fought alongside with as Sailor Senshi, but that didn't help ease the feeling I had of being exposed, my weak side made known to even a close friend. I didn't care who she was, though. I just wanted to tell her to go away, to leave me be, and to let me cry my pain away.

It wasn't until I had felt a hand lay gently on my shoulder that I was ready to jump up and scream to her face to get the hell away. "Mako-chan, what's wrong?" the voice asked me. By that point, I was tempted to throw that damned sympathetic hand off of my shoulder. I didn't need any sympathy from anybody. I didn't give a shit who it was, they wouldn't have understood the pain and anguish I suffered years ago when that plane crashed, and the pain and anguish I'm feeling all over again. But I was in too much pain and left too weak from the defeat to even muster up the anger, let alone a scream or a punch.

"Please go away," I barely whispered over the tears. I wasn't in the mood to talk and I wasn't in the mood for company. I just wanted to be left alone in that alley. Yet, something told me that this girl's voice was that of a really close friend of mine, one who loved me greatly, and therefore one whom I could trust. But what would they know?

"No, not until you tell me what's wrong," the voice refused, "You've been acting very strangely the past couple of days. You were late to study group yesterday, you actually overslept yesterday, and you even had that bad case of a dizzy spell that I'm now beginning to think wasn't what it seemed."

That explanation right there told me it was Usagi, since she and Rei were the only ones who'd mention oversleeping, and she's the only one who was that inquisitive of what was really wrong with me yesterday. I obviously wasn't going to convince her to go away, and there was no way in hell I was going to scream at her or push her away either. I couldn't even bring it upon myself to even get angry at her for caring so much. She loved me and cared a lot for me, and I the same for her. She deserved much better than that. So I looked up at her from having my face buried in my hands, showing her my nearly bloodshot eyes and tears cascading down my cheeks. Even with my blurry vision, bestowed upon me by the tears, I easily made out the pair of blonde odangos signature only to my closest friend. Damn you, Usagi-chan. Only you could make me submit to such concern.

At that instant, she threw her arms around me, sensing my deep down need for a hug. I myself wasn't thinking about needing one at that moment, but Usagi was good at sensing things one wasn't really thinking about at any particular moment. It was a sort of gift she had, I guess, something that made her an easy friend to make and a treasure to keep. Perhaps I really did need a hug from a friend, but I was too upset, too hurt, and too terrified to realize it. So in response, I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder. With her loving embrace surrounding me, I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the tears cascade down and soak into her shirt.

"You really look like something has been bothering you, just like yesterday during study group," said Usagi, expressing her concern.

"How'd you find me?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, I was watching that fire with all the other people, then I saw you scream at some poor guy and punch him before you ran off," Usagi replied.

'Poor guy my ass, that daimon deserved it for all the hell he's put me through, and is still putting me through,' I thought to myself, wondering what Usagi was talking about. For all I knew, I really did punch some poor guy out, even though I saw that daimon clear as day.

"I went to see if he was alright, but strangely he didn't seem that angry, just astonished at why some girl would punch him out for no reason," Usagi continued.

"Are you really sure it was some guy?" I asked, letting go of Usagi and looking straight into her baby blue eyes.

"Tell me you didn't see him, Mako-chan. You were the one who punched him out," Usagi protested, "Did he say something to you?"

Thinking back to what the daimon had said, and remembering all too well that was the daimon I had meant to punch out, I said the first thing that came to my mind, "Yeah... he said something about the fire being what I fear, being who I am, that I can't run from it."

"He said all of that?" Usagi challenged, obviously not believing what she was hearing, "Tell me, Mako-chan, what's going on? Unless he was someone from the Death Busters or just a person you picked a fight with a while back, I doubt any regular person would say anything like that about you."

'I might as well tell her,' I thought to myself, surrendering my stubbornness. She'd already seen me in my weakest state, and she knew something was going on with me. Sometimes, it felt like more of a curse that I couldn't hide anything from her prying eyes. But that was what I loved about her, and what made her such a close friend of mine, the fact that she could sense anything in me, both the good and the bad.

"Is there some other place we can go and sit down, like a park or some other place where it can be just us, in a comfortable place?" I asked, "Now that I think about it, this alleyway's a little depressing."

"And then you'll tell me what's wrong?" Usagi requested.

I finally managed to crack a bit of a grin before answering her, "Yes." Her carefree, cheerful attitude was contagious. It was no wonder I was starting to feel better already, not just because of that, but also because I was in her company and about to share something with her something that's been really bothering me, something deep down inside. That's what a friend was for, right? Besides, she spent all day the other day trying to pry into it. She knew I was hiding something, so I really had no choice but to surrender to her prying concern. Sure it annoyed the shit out of me sometimes, but who could blame her.

So we both had gotten up and made our way out of the alleyway, back into the light of the urban surroundings. The nearest park wasn't that far, so she and I together decided to blend in with what few people were left walking the streets after the rest had become spectators to the raging inferno.

It didn't take long for us to reach one of Tokyo's many parks. There, numerous groups of people were engaged in their recreational activities, while others were merely relaxing in the more natural and open environment that the urban setting lacked. While there, we looked for an empty bench where there weren't a lot of people around, a fitting environment for a more private, heart-to-heart talk. Luckily, it didn't take us long to find one.

So there we sat, surrounded by the quieter, more serene environment that nature tended to bring about. I didn't have much time to reminisce before Usagi had immediately began with her questioning.

"So, tell me what's been going on," said Usagi.

I couldn't tell her everything. That would've left Usagi looking at me as a completely different person, different than the one she befriended a year ago. She knew I had gotten myself into fights at school, and she knew that I was at Juuban Jr. High because I had put someone in the emergency room. Yet she didn't fear my aggressive nature, despite the rumors that had spread about me the moment I first walked through the doors of the school. In fact, she saw right through it and saw that under all that aggressiveness and intimidation, all I really wanted was a close friend.

So maybe Usagi could handle a few surprises. But what would I tell her? I've been having these nightmares, flashbacks, and even hallucinations since my fight with that daimon. And it was all because he knew everything about me, even my deepest, darkest secrets, and then showed them to me so vividly. He made me face my worst fear for the first time ever. And even then, they didn't stop. The nightmares, the flashbacks, the hallucinations, all were clear as day and felt as real as reality gets.

There was no way in hell I was going to tell her everything, especially with how it was making me feel. Knowing Usagi, she would've probably just sugarcoated it and started quoting all the good in me she had seen and felt in me. But not everything about me was all good, nor could it have even been made better.

The good in me is not all of who I am. Every person has their good side, where everything is all happy, friendly, loving, caring, and full of joy. Then everyone has their dark side, full of fear, anguish, anger, hatred, misery, and full of secrets that would forever change them, or already have.

So I had decided I would just start from the top, where it all started. I might as well tell her what the daimon did, said, and showed me. It was true, wasn't it? It's what's been bothering me these past couple of days, just to put it mildly. Maybe if I told her what had started it all, the rest would follow, and maybe I would've felt more comfortable with sharing my darkest secrets with her. I just hoped to God she wouldn't start making like everything is all peachy.

So I closed my eyes for a brief moment as these very thoughts flashed through my mind in an instant. Then, I let out a sigh as I began explaining to Usagi, "The daimon we fought... at the airport."

"Really? What happened?" Usagi gasped, looking so astonished.

"He was no ordinary daimon," I began explaining, "Sure he was sent to steal Motoki's friend's pure heart, but he seemed to have another plan in mind, especially when he saw me still standing."

"I see. What did you have to do with why he was there? Don't the Death Busters choose their targets at random?" Usagi asked.

"Yes, but somehow, I have the feeling this one was sent to strike at one of us as well as Motoki's friend, namely me," I replied.

"So what did he do to you?" Usagi asked, trying to get back to the subject.

"Well... he said he knew of me and knew everything about me, even my fears," I explained. This had prompted Usagi to perk her ears up and raise her eyebrows, like it had really gotten her attention. But I just rubbed it off and continued explaining, "And he proved it to me. He showed me what it is I fear most. He made one of the big airliners explode right on the tarmac, sending dozens of fire engines and ambulances dashing toward it."

"But everything was normal when I came to," Usagi objected, "I didn't see anything explode, and neither did the others."

"I know," I agreed, "He kind of showed it to me in my mind, using some sort of telepathy. But I swear, it was so real it might as well have been. I saw the explosion, I saw the fire, and I heard the sirens. I also felt the heat from the blaze and even smelled the burning fuel."

I slowly began to tremble lightly at that last sentence. Usagi had noticed and immediately took my hand into hers, "So you're telling me you're afraid of plane crashes? Of airplanes?"

"Deathly!" I emphasized, looking right into her eyes with that reply, "I won't even get on a plane if it was the last ship leaving before the rapture."

"Because of a plane crash?" Usagi added.

"Yes, you can say that," I replied, "They crash just like anything else, right? But when they do, nobody ever survives like they sometimes do in car crashes."

"But flying is the safest way to travel," said Usagi.

"So they say," I argued, "Tell that to anyone who's had to go through it."

Usagi paused for a moment, gently caressing my hand in hers, "So he crashed a plane with you in it?"

"No," I answered, "But it wasn't just that. It was also the fact that he not only knew everything about me, including what I feared worst... but he knew why I fear it."

Somehow, Usagi understood exactly what I was talking about as she then took my hand into both of hers and had given it a gently squeeze. "That must've been how your parents died?" she said.

With the pain burning in my chest, I squeezed my eyes shut and let a few tears roll down my cheeks. "That damn daimon knew I had lost my parents in a plane crash when I was very young. He even made me relive the very moment when I first heard that dreadful news," I whimpered, "It was so damn real."

"Damn," Usagi gasped as she let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around me and drew me close to her, "He did all of that?"

I returned her embrace and nodded in response as a few more tears rolled down my cheeks and soaked into her shoulder. Usagi was a great friend to me. She was always there for me, always stood up for me, and was also great company. All of that had finally convinced me to tell her this in the first place. I wasn't going to hide it from her forever.  
So there we were, embraced in each other's arms for what seemed like hours. In reality, it was only a few minutes. But still, being in the arms of a close friend like Usagi was very comforting.

"It must've been awful seeing it all..." she began to say, before I immediately broke my embrace with enough force to push her away.

"You have no idea what it must've been," I interrupted, raising my voice. And I was right too. She hadn't lost someone close to her like I have. She still had both of her parents and her younger brother. But then I had realized that I was perhaps a bit brash with that last comment. I glanced down at the space between us and frowned a little, "I'm sorry, Usagi-chan."

"It's okay, Mako-chan? I understand", she replied, with a bit of a saddened look on her face as well, "So it's gotten you thinking about them again, I bet."

"Yeah. It's been on my mind these past couple of days," I explained, again putting it mildly, even though she was talking about my parents.

"No wonder you haven't been quite yourself," Usagi concluded, "After seeing it happen again, you must be feeling it all over again. That daimon seemed to have brought those feelings back as well as your fears."

"You can say that again," I agreed. It was the truth. I was feeling that same pain, that same loss, and that same emptiness I felt the first time I heard the news of my parents' death. And the daimon did bring that pain back by showing it to me and making me relive it. At least Usagi was understanding. Damn was she ever good at that. "I had a dream that night too," I added, "I saw my parents."

Usagi looked back into my eyes, "What happened? If you care to tell me."

I let out another sigh before explaining it. I had already told her about reliving that horrible event in my life, the moment that had forever changed me. So I might as well tell her this too since it had everything to do with what I was talking about. "I was there, Usagi-  
chan. I was there with them, in the plane. The cabin burst into flames behind them, consuming all the people it touched," I explained. Then, another tear rolled down my cheek as I continued, "Then, Mother screamed my name right before the plane finally crashed."

Usagi then took my hand in hers again, holding it tightly, "Now I know that had to have been awful." She was right that time. It was awful seeing exactly how your parents died with your own two eyes, as it happened. And that was putting it mildly.

"They were so happy before they died," I whimpered before I yanked my hand from hers and threw them around her, weeping into her shoulder. Usagi merely wrapped her arms around me and held me close as I cried. I didn't give a shit if she was seeing in my weakest state, again. She was my friend, after all. If anyone were to have seen me like this, I'm glad it was Usagi. The others just wouldn't have understood all of this the way she did. I mean, when she first met me, she saw me as more than just a tough girl and a bully who picked fights with others.

"No wonder you were almost late to study group yesterday," Usagi commented, which for once throughout the conversation, throughout the time I'd seen her that day, brought a smile to my face. She had to comment on me almost missing study group, as often as she was late.

"Yeah, that was the reason," I replied, breaking the embrace to show her that she had drawn a smile from me.

"That's probably what was wrong yesterday too, am I right?" Usagi asked. I remembered the day before how frustrated I was when she kept bringing that up, bringing up what was wrong with me, and asking if I was all right. But this time, I was fine with it. It was the truth after all, well... some of it. Usagi didn't need an answer that time. She had already come up with the answers herself, just from what I've told her already.

"You are right, Mako-chan. I don't know what it all must've been like. So I really don't know what to say about it," Usagi commented. I didn't care if she had anything to say, any advice to give, or anything to help me feel better. It made me feel better just talking to her and having her there listening. That is what friends are for, right? "All I can say is I hope things get better for you," she said before giving me a tight hug.

"Yeah, I hope you're right... I really do," I replied. Talking to Usagi gave me a little bit of hope, and the feeling that I had a friend who now knew what I was going through. However, I never did tell her about the hallucinations, the flashbacks, and what else the daimon was telling me. All that I had preferred to keep to myself, for I myself barely understood it. But somehow, even then, I had a feeling that it really was a deeper, darker part of me as the daimon was suggesting. For that reason, I preferred it stay in that darkness... for now.

_...but in that darkness, it had only gotten darker..._

_end of part III_

* * *

Disclaimer: As usual, Sailor Moon and most of the characters ain't mine, but belong to Naoko Takeuchi. And God bless that woman for creating such great entertainment for all of us with a lot of free time on our hands to enjoy. The English dub belongs to DiC Entertainment and Cloverway, and I only thank them for bringing' it to America, nothin' more. But Russell Hino/Hino Kyodai, Tuxedo Inferno, Titanius, and Deanna Kokorono/Kokorono Meijin are MINE (in a growling voice). So, please don't sue me. I'm just a lonely man who ain't got anythang but his pride. Well, y'all enjoy this fanfic and e-mail me.

Have fun Sailor Moon fans,  
Viper Inferno  
(Y2V)


	4. Part IV

Title: Self-Incineration - Part IV

Author: Viper Inferno

Genre: Dark Drama

Rated: R

* * *

**Self-Incineration**

_By Viper Inferno_

Part IV

_But in that darkness, it had only gotten darker..._

The day was going well, was I ever thrilled. I had another good day in study group, I had cooked a great lunch for Usagi, probably so she wouldn't kill herself with her own cooking, and I had cleaned the house in record time. So with the rest of the day to myself, I slouched down on the couch, feeling total relaxation as I let my body rest back into the deeper crevices of the couch and my legs drape lifelessly to the floor. The only thing that would've been better was to lie in my bed, where I could really relax my body under the warm protection of my sheets.

But the total relaxation had broken within minutes as a rumbling sound seemed to call me by name. Almost instinctively, I swung my arm off the back of the couch and glazed at my wristwatch, 7:13pm. My stomach must've wanted me to feed it. And I understood, too. I had accomplished a lot that day, and I deserved to treat myself to the same decent meal I had made for Usagi. So in response to the calling from my stomach, I pushed myself back up from my slouched position in the couch before getting up, simply because getting out of a chair from being slouched was no easy task.

Once in the kitchen, I went to the refrigerator where I had put the leftovers from lunch. Not only was it was surprising that Usagi had actually left enough to feed two more people, it was actually rather funny too. But it saved me from having to cook another batch, not that it bothered me any. So I opened the refrigerator and took the casserole out, then placed it on the counter. Broccoli, potatoes, carrots, string beans, cheese, and a breaded crust made up the vegetarian casserole. It was a recipe I had created myself, which was a talent I was quite proud of.

Just as I had turned on the oven for preheating, a knock sounded at my door. The summons of a knock was a little unusual since I wasn't expecting company at this time of day. It could've been one of the neighbors either wanting to borrow something, to ask if I had seen their cat, or to sample my cooking. Then again, it was probably just Usagi or Ami wanting something, whether it was my gourmet food or just a little visit. It was a kind of visit in which both were well known for, and a kind of visit I would've gladly welcomed.

So I approached the door, somewhat curious as to who was behind it. However, something in my gut beseeched me not to answer, for the summons felt more than just a little unusual. Then again, it was probably just me being a little bit nervous at the fact that I wasn't expecting anyone. And for that, I laughed internally. How could a tough girl like me be nervous about a potential mugger knocking at my door? Why I would be so apprehensive was beyond me.

Having made it to the door, I undid the lock and turned the knob, revealing a lone man wearing a tan coat and tie. My curiosity won out in the end, however my initial thought was right on about it being a little bit unusual, for this man was unfamiliar to me. He wasn't anyone from school, and he certainly didn't look like any of my neighbors. However, there was something very peculiar about him. My first clue to this was the Tokyo Police Department shield he wore on his belt. And it was when he opened his mouth to speak that had proved my gut to be right.

"Kino Makoto-san, I am Detective Watanabe with the Tokyo Police Department," he introduced. After his introduction, he glanced away from me, as if he were hesitant to tell me why he was at my door.

"I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this," he explained, rubbing the bridge of his nose before glancing back at me. Sorrow filled is grayish brown eyes. For what reason, I did not know. Yet my gut was suggesting that it had something to do with me, begging me to the point that it burned.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news," he began explaining, still very hesitant like it pained him to share with me what he had to share, "Your mother and father... they won't be coming home tonight. There was a plane crash last night at the airport, and your parents were in it. Your mother... your father... are gone. I'm so sorry."

The burning sensation in my gut had traveled up to my throat. The pain from it had drawn tears from my eyes as my gut punished me for ignoring its warning. "No..." I gasped as I fell to my knees. This could not be true. It wasn't true. They died 7 years ago. How could they have died just last night?

"NOOO!" I screamed as I threw my face into my hands and wept into them, "Mother... Father... how could you? How could you leave me like this... all alone?" I don't know why I had just said that. My parents died 7 years ago. Why was I all of a sudden acting like it had happened just yesterday. Somehow, it was like I had no control over what I was doing or what I was saying. It was like watching a horror movie all around me, from my own eyes.

"Yes Makoto, you remember this, don't you?" the detective's voice echoed in over my sobs. That didn't sound very sympathetic from someone who was obviously distraught over giving the news as much as I was over receiving it. Sympathetic or not, I was still there, on my knees, crying over the news of the death of my parents I remember having already heard before, especially recently.

"You cried just like this when they died," he continued, "And you cried just the same at their funeral."

"Why? Why did they have to leave me all alone?" I whimpered.

"Why did they leave me? Why did they leave me?" the man mocked, this time with a different voice, one I had heard only a few days ago. "I'll tell you why they left you, because you're a coward. You pretend to be somebody else to hide their death, to hide your pain, and to hide your fears."

"Why... why was I not there with them?" I whimpered, apparently oblivious to what he had just said.

"Behold... the day that time stood still," the voice echoed again before an all too familiar laugh filled the entire apartment. It was the same laugh that had chased me in downtown Tokyo a few days ago, from the same voice that haunted me at Rei's the day before, and the same laugh that tormented me before I electrocuted his ass...

...And it was the laugh that all of a sudden changed everything in the room around me as I sprung up from by bed. I was desperately gasping for air like I had just surfaced from being submerged underwater. After having caught my breath, I clutched my sheets close to my chest as I glanced about the room, making certain that I really was in my room, and that this nightmare had really come to an end.

After reassuring myself that I was indeed in my room, I squeezed my eyes shut as I reflected upon what had just happened. I couldn't believe it, it was all a dream. But it wasn't just another dream, rather it was one that had plagued me since the day that daimon bestowed this god-awful vision upon me. But why now, 3 days after the incident in downtown Tokyo which had drawn Usagi's attention? I didn't understand this at all. No matter how much I let it out, how much I grieved, no matter who I shared it with, this dream and that cursed daimon kept coming back to torment me. And at that thought, my eyes had squeezed out a single tear and sent it rolling down my right cheek. Dammit, why?

I let myself relax, falling back into my pillow, yet still holding a death grip on the security blanket that was my sheets. Afterwards, I let out a morbid sigh as a few more tears had made their way down my cheeks. I just wanted to go back to sleep, back to the dreaming world, and hope to God the same dream would not return to further torment me. But before deciding to do so, I opened my eyes and turned my head toward my alarm clock, 2:13am. With the numbers on the clock having made the decision for me, I released the death grip on my sheets and threw them over me, then rolled over away from the alarm clock. And once again, I closed my eyes, this time slipping into sleep.

Thank God the terrifying dream did not return that night.

A beam of sunlight had just crept into my room through the curtains, with its dagger of pure light piercing my sleepy eyes and prompting me to open them. Immediately, my sleep-drunken brain concluded that it was morning. But how long did I sleep in was the question. The only thing I had planned was another study session at Rei's, scheduled at noon. So I rolled onto my back and sat up in bed, stretching my arms as my body had followed behind my brain in waking up. I stretch always felt good in the morning, as it was signal for the rest of the body to awaken from its slumber. After having loosened up after such an eventful sleep, I glanced over at my alarm clock, 9:01am. I had actually gotten that much sleep? No wonder my body felt so good after that nice, relieving stretch. At least I wouldn't be late to study session, which we had scheduled for noon probably to accommodate Usagi's woeful habit of sleeping in.

However, that morning didn't feel like such a good morning. Though my body wanted to get up and out of bed, my mind still weighed heavy with last nights events. "Time stood still," were the first words I muttered that morning. Yes, time did stand still. When those words hit me on that day, 7 years ago, I felt like time had stopped. Denial was obviously my first thought, such as, 'No. Mother, father, you can't be gone.' But that denial had quickly died out when I started crying. Sure it had seemed like they had been gone forever on their trip, but when I first heard those words, they were gone... again. However, it didn't seem like forever, it was forever. So perhaps time did stand still when they died. And why wouldn't it have, they were the light of my life, the light that had suddenly burned out when that plane took them from me.

But, time marched on, I grew up, and I learned to cope with life on my own. My uncle had always helped pay the bills, yet I still lived in this apartment by myself, and have done so ever since I was 8. Sure, my he checked on me everyday to be certain that I ate, did my homework, brushed my teeth, and all the stuff that good little girls did, but as I got older, my uncle saw little need to check up on me anymore, especially when he first witnessed my superb cooking abilities. "My little Mako-chan is growing up," he said. I was 12 when he first saw me taking care of the house, cooking a fine gourmet meal, and cleaning the laundry like I was the stereotypical housewife. It was the attitude at home I had begun taking on since I lived in this apartment... alone.

But why did last night happen? Why, after the incident with the fire 3 days ago, did I just have another dream of my parents' death? And more so, why was that cursed daimon in it? He had never accompanied my parents in my dreams before. And just what the hell did he mean when he said that "time stood still"? Of course it did when they died, but something deep in my heart told me that it meant something more. I had no clue what it could've possibly meant, at least not yet.

Then, I began thinking about 3 days ago, when I encountered the daimon while witnessing a three-alarm fire. It wasn't just what the daimon had said, but rather what I was thinking about at the time. And this dream only reminded me of everything he had said. 'This is your fear, your pain,' first echoed in my mind. The burning building represented the plane my parents were in as burned away all life aboard before auguring into the ground. The first dream I had of their death was proof that it was my pain, which then became my fear.

'You contradict yourself. You hide your pain and fear with anger and wrath... that trauma became your fear, and all your life you used the wrath of a warrior's attitude to bury it deep,' was what had weighed more heavily on my mind 3 days ago, and was brought back by the daimon's little reminder in my dream. It all was starting to sound true, as that deep-down feeling began uttering to me 3 days ago.

But all of a sudden, the ring of a telephone derailed my train of thought. Immediately, I threw the sheets off of me, swung my legs around and off the bed, and marched out of my room and into the kitchen almost as if I were waiting for that phone call. "Moshi Moshi?" I replied after picking up the receiver.

"Good morning, Mako-chan," Ami-chan's soft, pleasant voice chimed gently into my ear.

"Oh, good morning, Ami-chan. How are you?" I naturally asked.

"Fine. I was calling to make sure you were awake and not letting Usagi's bad habit seep into you," said Ami. Why did she have to call for that? I was perfectly capable of getting myself up on time. There was, however, that day I almost missed study group because of a nightmare, the one that followed the battle with the daimon. It was nothing like last night's dream. That was the dream that revealed to me exactly what happened, or rather what I have accepted that really happened when my parents died. They seemed so happy to be coming home, coming home to see me. Unfortunately, that never happened, and that thought drew a single tear from my eye and a sigh from my lips.

"Mako-chan, are you alright?" Ami asked. I must've sighed aloud if that had drawn any concern from her. "You're unusually quiet this morning," she observed.

"Yeah, I'm alright. I just... got up... that's all," I answered, though a little hesitant in coming up with the response, not wanting Ami-chan to know about my little ordeal as well as Usagi.

"Oh," Ami understood.

"Besides, it's after 9 in the morning. You didn't have to call me this early," I playfully reprimanded, "I'm not Usagi-chan, you know."

"I understand, Mako-chan. I already called Usagi and reminded her of today's study group, since she was caught up in her fun at the skating rink last night," Ami explained, "I figured she would probably be sleeping in."

"Oh come on, Ami-chan, let her sleep in for another hour," I teased, "She needs her beauty sleep just like I do. Besides, it's not her fault you can't skate." 'TouchИ' I thought to myself, poking fun at why Ami wasn't with Usagi last night.

"Now you stop that," her melodic voice scolded in a futile attempt to show resentment, "Just make sure you get here, alright? Today we're going over the physical sciences, a subject I know you could use a little help in. Plus I want to work a little bit more with you today. So come prepared, okay?"

"Of course, I'll be there," I replied, jotting down in my brain everything she had said, "I'll see you then."

"Ja ne, Mako-chan," said Ami as she hung up the phone. I had two hours before I had to leave for study group. I really felt should've slept in. Better yet, I should've made sure that nothing could've gotten through my curtains and waken me up like it had done earlier. Still, that would not have stopped Ami-chan from calling me. The house didn't need cleaning since I had just cleaned it last night. I was satisfied with how the furniture was arranged, even though it had been just over a month since I rearranged them.

However, my stomach was practically yelling at me with its thunderous voice. So maybe I should make me a decent breakfast, such as eggs, bacon, and toast. It's another rather American-style breakfast, one I like just as much as pancakes and French toast. Speaking of pancakes, last night's dream sort of put me in the mood for them. I don't know why, but something in my gut told me to feed it pancakes. So my pancakes, fried eggs, and sausage rather than bacon made my menu. And it was that which I had for breakfast that morning.

_Two hours later..._

After two hours of doing practically nothing after breakfast, time in which I could not find a better means by which to pass it other than to lie around, the time had come for me to get myself ready for the walk to Rei's. I didn't want to get up from being perfectly comfortable lying on the couch, comfortable to the point where I nearly fell asleep. Actually, it wasn't overly pleasant at first, with thoughts of that dream still fresh on my mind. But then I closed my eyes and focused my inner chi, as my sensei had once taught me as a means to calm emotional energy. My lying on the couch with my eyes closed almost felt as if I were being cuddled by the cloud around me that was my couch, soothing me inside and out.

I had no idea how I was able to snap out of it in time to get ready to go to Rei's with plenty of it to spare. Nevertheless, I sat up on the couch and stretched my arms and legs for the second time that day, warming those muscles of mine up after being so tranquil. From there, I had gotten up and walked into my room, remembering I was still in my pajamas, having never changed since I had gotten up. Deciding what to wear wasn't difficult since I was only going to Rei's to study with the others, but I still had to look decently presentable. So I slid into a green sleeveless button-up and a white pair of soft slacks before pulling my hair into its usual high pony tail, holding it in place with my jade green barrettes. My green long sleeve turtleneck would've looked better with my slacks, but I had figured it to be too hot outside for my warmer turtleneck.

After getting dressed, I grabbed my book bag and threw a few of my textbooks, including my science textbook which Ami would've killed me over had I not brought, inside. I then threw it over my shoulder as I made my way out of my room and into the kitchen, grabbing my keys before heading to the front door. Once to the door, I slid into a pair of black flats before finally leaving my apartment, not forgetting to lock the door behind me. Heavens forbid if I had all of a sudden gotten into a hurry, forgotten to lock the door, and one of the more shady neighbors decided to ransack my apartment. But I needn't worry about it since I still had just over a half-hour to get to Rei's. It wasn't that far of a walk between home and the Hikawa Jinja, but it was usually a pleasant walk.

Once outside, the sudden heat from the sweltering sun pierced my face, burning it almost on contact. Yet, a much cooler breeze brought instant relief once I had made my way to the parking lot where the wind was free from the obstruction of the apartment building. It was a nice tradeoff, and therefore ideal weather for short sleeves. It was a good thing I didn't wear the turtleneck I thought would've looked better with this outfit, since the long sleeves would've trapped the heat and blocked the soothing wind. It made little sense to look good yet end up miserably sweaty. But, the sleeveless button-up looked very decent with this outfit, so I was content in the fashion department.

As for the walk itself, I didn't really care much for it at first since I was in the heavier trafficked section of town that lies between my apartment and the shrine. Numerous people also walked the streets of Tokyo that day, as well as many cars driving those roads. For not even being downtown, it was rather noisy about the streets. So it wasn't the nice and relaxing walk I had originally thought it would be. Truly, the only things about this whole walk that were any relaxing were the weather and the fact that I took my time whilst walking.

But suddenly, a fire burst out from the front of a paint shop almost directly in front of me, consuming the people it touched with its furiously dancing flames. I instinctively turned away, covering my face in my arms in a futile attempt to protect myself from the horror that was taking place before me. The horrifying sounds of people screaming as they burned alive was nothing that even a girl with nerves of steel such as mine could take. I've drawn blood from others before in a fight, even sent someone to the emergency room after having them literally cough it up, but watching innocent people's lives melt away in a fire was unnerving, to say the least, especially since I have witnessed it on a few occasions... a few recent occasions.

It immediately reminded me of a recent dream, one that was equally unnerving. In a flash, I saw the inside of an airplane as flames burst into it, burning the screaming people alive, and heard my mother's frightful summons. But surprisingly, I felt no heat and heard no screaming from the fire that had burst from the paint shop. I uncovered my face and looked behind me, seeing a couple of people giving me puzzled looks. But not only that, I also saw the paint shop burning out of control in a raging inferno. What the hell was wrong with these people? Did they all of a sudden not give a shit that a number of people just burned alive? Did they not see that raging inferno swallowing the paint shop whole?

Immediately, I sprung up and ran away as fast as I could, trying my best to put some distance between me and the fire, and me and those freaks who were worried more about me than the fire. But as I turned at an intersection, I stopped dead in my tracks with my eyes widening in reaction to what I had just seen. There in front of me, the whole street was ablaze. I began to tremble in fear as I turned to sprint away, putting forth all my effort into distancing myself from it. But as I ran, the streets filled with a maniacal and horrid laughter. "Yes, run away, Makoto," a deep voice echoed.

Immediately, I quickened my pace, knowing from deep within my mind whose voice that was. Right then, I concluded why those people were giving me their strange looks. It was that damned bastard again, smiting me with these visions of fires, with memories of my parents' death, and playing Mother's dying screams in my mind, over and over again. "That is all you ever know how to do?" his voice echoed again.

What did he just say? All I ever do is run? That was a lie. Never once in my life did I back down from a fight. All my life, I had nerves of steel. I was the bad ass who all the other students feared, the one from whom the students ran. Kino Makoto never ran away, ever. "Liar!" I screamed as I continued running.

But all of a sudden, he appeared out of thin air, directly in front of me. In an effort to keep from running into him, I stopped and turned to run the other way. But he appeared right there as well. I obviously wasn't going to get away from this bastard. "Beautiful fires, aren't they? You've seen plenty of these recently, haven't you?" he beckoned. Slowly, I backed away, with my hands still trembling simply from the mere sight of him. What else could he possibly be saying about me? How much more did he know about me? And how the hell was he doing this to me, even in death?

"In fact, you tried to run away from these fires many times. Do they remind you of something?" he explained. That last question filled my mind with that first dream of mother and father, burning alive as their plane augured into the ground, and therefore taking the fear I was already feeling and painfully auguring it deeper into my heart. That was exactly why I kept seeing fires, and why fires kept bringing back these god awful memories, both long past and recent.

"You see, all these 'tough girl' charades you put on are pointless. Ever since they died, you tried desperately to prove to the world you could handle it. You tried to prove to the world just how tough of a girl you could be. But in all reality, you're nothing but a traumatized little coward," he taunted. At that last insult, I vigorously shook my head in disbelief. "No... you bastard! This IS who I am."

"Is it now?" the daimon questioned, "Or are you just hiding your true self under that pride of yours?"

And at that moment, I heard the voice I had heard not only 7 years ago, but also last night. I heard that same voice from Detective "what's his name" telling me, the lonely little girl, that my parents were dead and not coming home. When I closed my eyes in attempt to shield my mind from these dreadful words, I saw myself back home at the old house where Mother, Father, and I used to live. I saw myself at the front door with the man in the brown suit, the woman in her black business dress, and the long time neighbor and friend of the family as the man in the suit spoke those heartbreaking words. "Damn you..." I cursed at both the daimon and this vision.

"This is what made you who you are. You challenged others to hide your trauma. You took on a warrior's pride to cover that wound. You even covered that so that others would accept you and look at you more as a person rather than who you really are and then what you pretended to be. In all reality, just as you were the day they died, you're just a loner in the world with no family."

"No... I have my uncle," I meekly replied, "He takes care of me, he makes certain that I have a roof over my head and food to cook."

"An uncle with whom you do not live," the daimon rebutted, "You chose not to live with him, trying to prove that you were the tough girl, that you were strong, and that you could handle life on your own. When your parents died, you were all alone. But you wanted to be tough just so that being alone didn't hurt so badly. And over time, by trying to be that tough girl, you finally pushed your uncle away."

"No..." I immediately argued, vigorously shaking my head, as a couple of stray tears snuck their way out of their prison where I had desperately tried to keep them locked in, "You liar!" Immediately, I turned away and began to walk away, with no desire to show him my tear-  
filled eyes and, more so, no desire to endure this torture he's putting me through. How much he thought he knew about me, and how much of that was true, was his torture.  
"Yes, run away, Makoto," the daimon taunted, "Because you know that your uncle didn't stand your rebellious attitude, your picking fights, and acting all powerful just because you believed you could be strong and, most of all, so you would feel good about yourself."

With that last cutting remark about my uncle, I began running to nowhere in particular just as long as it was away from this bastard. I just wanted this agonizing waking dream to end.

"Keep running Makoto," the daimon continued, ripping further away at my soul and laughing profusely at my suffering, "After all, you're nothing but a traumatized, lonesome, cowardly little girl with no family. Running away and hiding is all you've ever done."

"Shut up, just shut the hell up," I screamed as I quickened my pace, exerting everything I had into getting the hell away from him. I was exerting myself so much, that I was completely oblivious to the tears from my eyes flying in the wind, accompanied by a few stray weeps escaping my lips every time I exhaled. It wasn't until I stumbled upon another fire, sparking seemingly from nowhere, that I had felt my heart as it tried desperately to beat its way out of my chest. Immediately, I turned that intersection and kept running, trying to convince my heart to calm its furious rage fed by my fear. But it hammered away at my chest still.

I swear, I was running so fast and exerting so much force on my body that I had no clue where I was or where I was going. The adrenaline surging through my veins had clouded my vision, disorienting me. All I knew at that moment was the fact that I was running, and running very fast. But, it wasn't until I had turned at another intersection that I noticed a familiar looking torii sitting atop a long flight of stony stairs in the distance. Even through my clouded tunnel vision, I was barely able to recognize the features of a Shinto shrine. So I continued running, trying desperately to get there before something else happened. And when I neared it, the Kanji reading "Hikawa Jinja" brought on a feeling of relief that had immediately begun taming the torrential surge of adrenaline.

But as I reached the bottom of the temple steps, the deafening roar of the very thing I feared most commanded my body to halt. Not only my hands, but my entire body then began quaking from both the adrenaline rush and the accompanying fear as an airliner passed over my head from behind me, and at a rather low altitude. "Oh...my...god," I gasped between heavy breaths at what had taken form. What I saw before me was fire, nothing but fire, barreling toward the ground just past the shrine. The fire was so intense that I couldn't even make out the airliner it once was, and so intense that I felt its scorching heat from where I was standing. And when it ultimately slammed into the street before me, the accompanying explosion prompted me to fly for cover, with so much force that I collided with the temple wall.

My body burned all over from the adrenaline-drenched blood rushing through my body. And only the skin kept my heart inside of my chest as it pounded away still. Immediately, I mustered up enough strength to make it to my feet. And with what energy I had left in me, I dashed up the temple steps, coughing and wheezing at almost every breath. Everything around me except for the temple steps was nothing but a blur. My tears had finally run dry, my throat was in pain from the weeping, and my breathing was much too heavy for me to even cry anymore. I had literally cried throughout that whole run until I cried no more. Before long, the shrine finally made it into my view as I had reached the top of the steps.

With relief finally at my grasp, I continued my sprint toward the front door of the living area. Before I knew it, I had slammed into the wall next to the door, much like that done in American football. I had no idea how fast I was running, or how quickly I had gotten from the steps to the shrine. With no energy left in me to even begin explaining such an enigma, I slid my book bag off of my shoulders, hurriedly grasped the door, slid it open, and lumbered inside. I had made it. I had escaped those awful fires. I had escaped that horrifying plane crash. And most of all, that son-of-a-bitch daimon was nowhere to be seen or heard.

But my legs felt like jelly, my heart was still pounding away at my chest, I was still breathing very heavily, and I had a tingling sensation throughout my body. However, through my blurry vision, I was able to make out the short blue hair of Ami-chan and the long raven black hair of Rei-chan.

"Oh, good morning Mako..." Ami greeted before she noticed the look on my face and the condition I was in, "Oh my god, Mako-chan. Are you all right?"

"What the...? You're so pale," Rei added as she approached me, with probably the same look of concern on her face as Ami's.

And why wouldn't they be concerned? A friend coming over to one's house trying desperately to catch their breath and looking pale as a ghost was absolutely certain to grab their attention. I, however, just wanted to throw my arms around them and surround myself in their love and friendship, to show them that I was going to be fine. And I also wanted them to hold me, to assure me that the ordeal I had experienced was over. But suddenly, their blurry faces disappeared as the rest of the temple around me faded away into darkness. And the last thing I felt at that moment was the impact from my body hitting the hard wooden floor.

* * *

"Mako-chan..." a soft, resonant voice echoed seemingly in my mind. It was the next thing I remembered hearing. Everything around me was dark, as if I had heard the sound in a dead, black void. For a moment, I thought that my success in reaching the Hikawa Jinja and seeing Ami and Rei's faces was just another hallucination. If that were so, what was happening now? Was I waking from another dream? No, it wasn't a dream. I really did leave my home to study with the others at the Hikawa Jinja. I really did come face to face with that daimon, as well as my fears that he continuously and vividly reminded me of. And I sure as hell remember running to get away from him. So no, it was not a dream. It was a waking nightmare. And this soft, beautiful, ambient voice I heard at that moment sounded like that of a friend... a close friend. So I had to have made it all the way to the Hikawa Jinja and seen Ami and Rei through my clouded vision. It all had to have been real. But what happened after that was vague to me.

So in this dark and endless void, I lie. But was I lying, standing, sitting, or just suspended? I didn't know at that moment. I felt absolutely nothing. All that had existed was that soft, resonant voice. It had to have been a dream. It was typical of some of the dreams I have read about in novels. But a warm and sooth feeling touching my hand quickly proved that assumption to be false. Then that warmth began caressing my hand, then engulfing it, and finally cradling it.

"Mako-chan..." the ambient voice called to me again. Whose beautiful voice was that? It certainly sounded familiar. However, the warmth cradling my hand overshadowed that question as it gave my hand a gentle squeeze. Instinctively, I squeezed my hand in return. Then, another warm feeling touched my cheek and began caressing it. Whatever this was, it was comforting. So I turned my cheek into it and invited that warmth to continue.

"Mako-chan, Mako-chan. Are you alright?" the voice asked me, as if it were responding to my invitation. It was then that the void began to fade away and take form all around me. It was also then that I began to feel more than what was cradling my hand and caressing my cheek. I was definitely lying down. I was lying on something soft, like a bed or a couch.

With the void disappearing, various forms appearing all around me, and various sensations coming to me, I began to squirm ever so slightly. "Mmmm..." I moaned as I slowly shook my head, trying to shake away the rest of this void. Then, the warmth on my cheek brushed my chin and cradled my other cheek, slowly turning it toward a particular direction. In response, I finally opened my eyes as the rest of the void had taken form, revealing the answer to the long forgotten question. It was a form that I easily recognized, a pair of trademark odangos.

"Usagi-chan," I whispered, gently squeezing and caressing her hand in my own. I was certainly relieved to have her there. But why was I relieved? What had happened to me was the one question never answered while I was waking. Why was I lying on what I had concluded to be a bed in Rei's room? But along with that question came another that had suddenly slipped past my lips. "What time is it?" I blurted as I took my free hand and slowly began to push myself up.

"Easy, Mako-chan," Usagi warned, taking her hand from my cheek and placing it on my shoulder, restricting me from sitting up any further, then slowly guiding me back down. "It's 1:23pm. You were out for quite a while. You had us worried," she replied.

That response sent an electric-like shock throughout my body as I suddenly remembered what was supposed to have taken place at noon. "Oh my god...I'm late," I grunted, "I'm really late. Where are the others?"

"Ami-chan, Rei-chan, and Minako-chan are in the living room studying," Usagi replied.

"Why are you not with them? You're the one who needs it more than the others," I asked, poking fun at Usagi's dire need for studies and her difficulty in lengthening her concentration span, at which she scowled in response. But her concern for me killed her disgusted look in almost an instant as she then smirked at me, "Well, at least your sense of humor's returned."

With that worry fresh on my mind, one other still remained. What the hell had just happened? I had a feeling Usagi was going to tell me without me even asking.

"Are you okay? How do you feel?" Usagi asked, giving my hand another gentle squeeze.

I sighed in response to her question as I relaxed my body and let it sink deeper into Rei's bed. "To be honest, I feel like shit," I replied. With that response, Usagi took her palm from my shoulder and placed it on my cheek like she was feeling for some sort of temperature. She sat silently for what seemed like minutes before she slowly brushed my face with the backs of her fingers, at which I closed my eyes and dwelled on that gentle feeling. Then, she delicately rested her palm on my forehead as if it were made of fine china. I certainly remembered this. Usagi had done this just a few days ago after a hallucination had scared me to the point that nearly was sick. In addition, she also wore that same look of concern she was wearing then. All this had created a sense of dИjЮ vu.

"Well, I would 'feel like shit' too if I had a temperature like yours," Usagi commented, "Ami-chan told me what had happened. She said you came in, didn't even take your shoes off at the door, were breathing very heavily like you had just run the Tokyo Marathon, and were nearly as white as a ghost. And then you collapsed on the floor, completely unconscious."

So I passed out from that run? That was unusual, considering I was so athletic. And I knew Usagi was going to explain to me how that could've been possible. I knew her too well. Then again, I remembered why I was running so hard and so fast in the first place. I suddenly understood why such a short run would've literally taken everything out of me.

"Ami-chan also said that you looked like you ran over here from your apartment, and probably very fast too, like you were running late. She found that rather strange because she said you came in pretty early," Usagi continued.

"Well... I thought I was running late," I lied, covering up the episode with the daimon. I certainly didn't want Usagi knowing that I had just started seeing that daimon again and having these god awful plane crash visions. That would've left her baffled as to how and why. Worse than that, it would've had her worrying even more about how to help make things better to the point of doubting herself.

"You're such a liar, Mako-chan. You know better than to be running when you're sick," Usagi scolded, "No wonder you thought you were late. Running a temperature like that would cloud anyone's mind, mine too."

"Come on, Usagi-chan, when is your mind not clouded?" I teased, giving her a little smirk. With too much of her energy devoted to comforting me, she only glowered at me rather than giving me a whap on the arm. "Besides," I continued, "Why aren't you studying with them?"

"Because we were worried about you," Usagi replied before firmly squeezing my hand as emphasis, "I was worried about you. You fell unconscious after you arrived here. You're too strong and too athletic to pass out from such a run. We had no idea what was wrong, or even why you ran all the way over here when you were early."

I turned my eyes away from her in response to her last comments. 'Strong... right,' I thought to myself, 'I'm not that strong. A person as strong as I'm supposed to be wouldn't have fallen so easily to nightmares, both sleeping and waking.' I silently sighed at that thought before turning back to Usagi, who wore another look of worry on her face.

"I just... wanted to make sure you were going to be all right. And I'm glad you are all right," said Usagi, "Is there anything I can get you? Some water, maybe?"

"Yeah... sure," I replied indifferently.

Usagi then let go of my hand, taking that warm and soothing sensation with her, and then stood up. But as she was about to walk out of the room, something struck my mind like a bolt of lightning. "Oh, Usagi-chan? Would you bring my books too, please?"

Usagi stopped at the threshold of the door and turned her head back to me, smiling at me, "Yes, I can bring them to you. You and I can study together for a little bit, just you and me. But you're going to need some rest. I'll see if we can let you rest here for a while after studies before we take you back home."

I smiled at Usagi's kind proposition as it renewed the warmth in my body and heart, "Thank you, Usagi-chan. That's very sweet of you."

"Anytime, Mako-chan. Anything for a friend," said Usagi before she turned and walked out of the room.

_Hours later..._

Our rather short study session lasted for only 45 minutes. It was so short that the other girls had not yet finished with their studies. Considering the circumstances, though, my experience of it had been pretty nice. But like Usagi had said, I needed some rest. So I had willingly laid back and silently shut my eyes as I slipped into sleep.

I did not know how long after I had fallen asleep that Minako-chan and Ami-chan stayed over. I did know that when I had finally awakened, it was late in the afternoon and Rei was the only one left at the temple. However, I didn't really care what time it was anymore. The study session didn't go nearly as well as I had wanted it to go, all because of that bastard constantly taunting me with the things he thought he knew about me and the things I feared worst. Never once have I run so fast and as hard in my life as I had just done earlier that day. It had literally taken everything I had to make that run. So it was no wonder that everyone thought I was sick after running here. Usagi was right, I did need some rest. And since I had gotten a bad night's sleep from that tragic nightmare, that rest was sort of like make up time for what I had missed. I certainly felt much better after waking up, at least physically.

Since the run, my mind had plenty of time especially while I was sleeping to recollect the earlier events. And now that I had awakened, those thoughts weighed heavily on my mind. I still felt the heat from the god awful fires. My ears still rang from the sound of that jet careening toward the ground in front of me. But most of all, the daimon's piercing words remained fresh on my mind like they were in writing. Of everything he had said to me, what dwelled in my mind most was his suggestion of me hiding my pain, fear, and loneliness beneath the mask of both coping with living by myself and the pride I had taken in it. I knew that wasn't true because I have been living by myself for 7 years, with much success. Even at such a young age, I was strong enough, smart enough, and most of all willing enough to manage my life like an adult. But what was beckoning me was the fact that I really did acquire this pride and attitude only after Mother and Father had died. The daimon was right when he suggested that. However, were his reasons just adding insult to torment, or were they revealing something more about me hidden deep inside? That was the question that stayed on my mind throughout the entire bus ride.

Rei had decided that a bus ride home was the best way for me to get home in the sick condition she thought I was in. Though I wasn't all that sick physically, with the exception of the blackout I had suffered earlier, I didn't complain about taking the bus back home from the shrine. After the ordeal I had suffered through during the morning's walk, I wasn't in any mood to go through it again. Who could blame me? It was not a prolonged ride home, nor was it merely a short jaunt. It was just a regular bus ride that had given me the relief that Usagi said I really needed.

Nevertheless, I made it home just as the sun kissed the horizon. With the end of the day nearing, as I walked into the apartment building, I decided that I was going to cook myself a fine meal. It was what my body needed after having endured such hardship. So when I walked into the elevator and pressed the button for my floor, I began thinking about what exactly I was in the mood for. But was I really in the mood to cook? With my body having taken the beating that it did, my body said no. Yet, cooking always made me feel good, especially about myself. Every fine meal I made was an accomplishment, whether I had cooked for me or for my friends. So then came the decision: to cook, or not to cook?

As tempting as it was to satisfy myself with a freshly prepared meal, my body won out when a slight dizzy spell came over me just before the elevator arrived at my floor. The apparent weakness in my body killed that desire in a flash. Besides, I had plenty of well-made leftovers, which made the decision a little bit easier to make. But as I walked off of the elevator, the effects of that little dizzy spell still lingered about as my head felt a little bit lighter than usual. It may have been an aftereffect of the ordeal I had undergone earlier, but somehow it wasn't. It was like something within me was trying to grab my attention, like some kind of gut intuition was warning me about something. I leaned against a wall, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath as I tried to decipher its meaning.

After a moment, the light-headed sensation went away without a trace. Dissatisfied with my attempt to find its meaning, I merely sighed and continued my walk to my apartment. I must've been thinking into it too much. Perhaps it was just an aftereffect, or just plain exhaustion. I had quickly dismissed the previous thought when I finally arrived at my apartment. Again, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I slid my key in the lock and opened the door. Once I was inside, I quickly slid out of my flats and shut the door behind me.

Finally, after suffering one of the worst ordeals that I have ever faced in my life, I was back in the comfort of my own home. All that lied ahead of me then was some leftovers of a gourmet meal I had made a couple of days before. After that, all that I had planned was a date with my bed. Although I had spent quite a bit of time in Rei's warm, soft bed, nothing could've beaten the embrace of the soft, soothing sheets of my own bed. It was all I wanted after having suffered through hell.

So I went in to the kitchen and grabbed some leftover vegetables and meatloaf from yesterday. It was one of my best masterpieces and was often something I savored over days, when I wasn't sharing it with my friends. So meatloaf was my obvious decision for dinner. Besides, it and the vegetables were all I had left over, not that I was complaining. I wasn't going to eat cold leftovers, so I decided to reheat them. The meatloaf had to be reheated in the oven, but for only a short time. So I first set the oven to a suitable temperature for reheating. I can reheat the vegetables, however, over the stove very easily. Plus, it wouldn't take long to reheat, so I could take my time while the oven was heating.

But I needed food now. So I decided to grab a pot from the cupboard and turn the burner on to heat the vegetables. Ever so carefully, I stooped down to where my eyes were level with the stove and turned the knob. And right as the igniter made its ticking sound, the entire apartment flashed all around me. It was so sudden and so catastrophic that it nearly made me jump out of my skin. Something wasn't right. I couldn't explain it at first, except that the flame was so intense, that must've lit up the entire apartment like the flash from a camera. What had made my bad feelings worse was the woozy feeling that immediately came over me, much like the one I had earlier. It was like my whole body had gone faint along with that flash. My arms went numb, my legs trembled under the weight of my body, and my body tingled and burned all over. This wasn't just like what I had felt earlier at all; it was worse. What in God's name was wrong with me?

When I stood up to try and shake the feeling off, my eyes sprung wide open as I completely froze in place at the sight all around me. Intense flames had absolutely engulfed my apartment. My living room, the hallway, and even the kitchen around me had burst into flames. How the hell did this happen, and so suddenly? Certainly my stove didn't do this. If it was a gas leak, then I would've already been dead from the explosion. There was no explanation for it. As I stood frozen in place, my hands began trembling. I thought about nothing, except that I was already dead. At least... if I wasn't dead already, then I was certainly going to die. And because of that, I wanted desperately to get out of there. But my body was too tense and wouldn't obey my mind's commands. I couldn't get out; I was terrified.

Then suddenly, screams began to accompany the blaze, sending even more chills down my spine. Was it my neighbors screaming for me? Or was it me out of pure terror? My mind was so clouded from the frightening site around me that I couldn't make the screams out. For all I knew, *I* was the one screaming for help without even realizing it. What was happening? What were the screams? How did my apartment all of a sudden erupt in flames? All of these questions, all easily pushed aside by the sight of my burning home. I couldn't think. I couldn't even move. I was too frightened to do either. All I could do was watch and quiver in fear as the flames burned fiercely and the screams cried horribly.

If the screams weren't enough, amongst them was the sound of laughing from a mere individual tearing deeper into my soul. It's like whoever had set fire to my apartment was laughing at his work. Or was he laughing at my misery? As the terrified screams and the horrid laughter beckoned me, I squeezed my eyes shut in a futile attempt to block them out. It wasn't just the screams I couldn't block out, but more so it was the fire that was slowly and painstakingly consuming my apartment.

With my burning apartment once again dominating my mind, I opened my eyes and pivoted around with every list bit of will I had left in me, as if to try and run away. But once I had spun around, the walls and cabinets that were supposed to be behind me were not there. Instead, what I saw before me was nothing but a narrow passageway. Though it was very confining, not much wider than my hallway, it provided an escape from the raging inferno behind me. So with fear fueling my will, I began to run as fast as my legs could carry me. But it was like trying to run through water as my escape was strenuous and torturing, like everything around me was happening in slow motion.

Then once again, the screams dominated and the single laugh taunted me. But this time, they sounded like they had followed me, creeping up almost right behind me. So I turned around, hoping it was my screaming neighbors coming to my aid, only to find my apartment had completely vanished. I was gazing down the same narrow corridor, watching in awe at the sight of a raging inferno as it had completely enveloped everything that was behind me. Then, I had an epiphany. This sight was so awfully familiar, that I suddenly realized what was happening, and it made me only tremble even more. This was exactly what I had seen just days before, and even the night before. Upon that realization, square windows formed in a row all the way up and down the corridor.

"Oh my god...," I gasped.

All I did at that moment was stand there in awe, trembling. Once again, my body completely petrified at what was happening. This was that first dream that I had after defeating the last daimon at the airport. I remembered being in an airplane suddenly engulfed in flames and witnessing people screaming as they burned alive trying to escape it. And the screams that had suddenly hit me at that moment brought back those feelings I had when I had first dreamt this.

"Mako-chan!!!" a woman's voice screamed to me. Instinctively, I turned toward the summons, only to witness yet another horrifying sight. There sitting in a pair of seats were my parents, cuddled together and screaming with the same terror as the rest of the people. My eyes sprung open so wide that they hurt, my heart pounded at my chest, and the blood in my veins burned as I gazed upon my mother's terror-filled eyes. And in a flash, the inferno swallowed them whole. I could not bear to watch. All I could do at that moment was squeeze my eyes shut so I would not have to see any more of it. But Mother's screams still echoed in my head. She was screaming my name. She was calling to me. I was the last person on her mind, the last word spoken before she burned alive. Without even realizing it, even through my tightly shut eyes, the tears had already squeezed their way out.

This was worse than the dream. The dream may have been so vivid that it was like I was really there, on that plane, watching in horror as the plane exploded inside, but watching my parents burn alive right before my very eyes was beyond anything I have ever seen and felt. Then, I realized that I had fallen to my knees, still petrified yet trembling quite noticeably, with tears cascading through my barricaded eyes. I even let out a few sobs before that lone laugh began to overcome my mother's dying words. This time, I knew for damned certain that the laugh was directed at me.

"Remind you of something, Makoto?? the lone voice echoed. Yes it did. It reminded me not only of the nightmare I had days ago, but furthermore the words of the police detective that had ripped away at my soul 7 years ago. Whoever's voice that was knew damn well what it reminded me of. The tone in his voice literally had given it away. I realized that he was the one who had set my apartment ablaze, who laughed at it, who put me on that plane, and who laughed as I fell to my knees crying. Why? Why, you sadistic son-of-a-bitch?

"Mako-chan!!!" my mother's voice screamed again, drawing a few more sobs from me. She was in so happy with father, and so happy to be coming home to see me, only to end up in so much pain. That was what was tearing away at my soul.

"Can't even bear to hear your mother's dying words, can you," the voice taunted. Then suddenly, all the screams, including Mother's, silenced. My body then began to relax, relieved from the horrifying sounds of the dying people. With the trembling having settled a little, I opened my eyes to see the fire still burning. But this time it wasn't the plane burning, but my apartment. I was back in my apartment. However, the flames were much more serene like those in a fireplace than the raging inferno that had overtaken my apartment so suddenly. Nevertheless, my heart still pounded at that awe-inspiring site. But the one thing had drawn my attention more than my burning apartment was that voice of whom I had concluded to be behind it all. My body tensed up as I quickly turned my head back, with my eyes meeting those of the very same bastard I've been seeing over and over, as recently as earlier today.

Damn this son-of-a-bitch. How could he do this to me? How the hell could he show me such a gut-wrenching site as my own mother screaming my name as she burned alive? "How could you?" I gasped.

"This is who you are. This is what happened on that day. This was the day that shaped the very person you are, and the very person you pretend to be. You remember seeing it, don't you?" the daimon replied. "Didn't you just have this dream not long ago? And didn't it revisit you the next day?"

I didn't even answer. It couldn't have been him. He couldn't have been the one that made me dream that horrible dream. I didn't see him again until afterward. There was no way in hell it could've possibly been him who gave me that dream.

"You must have a really good idea what really happened to them. Quite the psychic, aren't you?" the daimon beckoned, as mother's dying scream once again echoed through my apartment.

"Damn you," I gasped at Mother's screams, with yet more tears streaming down my cheeks, "Why? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because, I know this about you too. Since you have such a good idea of what happened that day, I too know all about this day, the day that time stood still. Need I show it to you again?" the daimon replied.

And before I had a chance to vigorously decline, the apartment flashed all around me. And before I knew it, I was back inside the plane. This time, it was making a rather rapid descent before the people began screaming in terror. Immediately, I tensed up again and covered my face, my legs unable to move from the sheer terror surging through my veins. It was happening once again. I was inside of a plane as it was falling out of the sky, ready to kill everyone on board.

"Since your parents died, you hated airplanes. You feared them to the point you would not even step onto one without crying like the little coward that you are," the daimon explained, "All your life you try to hide this horrible event. You tried to hide the fear that it had brought on. You try to be tough so you would never have to think about this moment. What kind of a tough girl falls completely apart when she is reminded of it? Why do you fall apart? It's because you don't want to see it. It's because you're not who you try to be."

Then suddenly, the plane was on fire, and people were screaming. And one voice stood out amongst them. "Mako-chan!!!" Damn it, damn it to hell. I couldn't get her screams out of my head. And this bastard certainly wasn't helping. Listening to her screaming my name as she died was beyond horrifying. It was like experiencing the day she and Father died all over again. The same pain dominated me, the same fear had overcome me, and most of all the same feeling of being left all alone beckoned me, leaving me empty inside.

"All that pride you have, the pride in your so-called 'strength', the pride in your housekeeping, the pride in your athleticism, and the pride in your skills as a chef, all count for nothing," the daimon continued as Mother's screams continued to echo, "Is that proof enough to you that it's nothing but a mask you wear, day by day?"

I was trembling and crying too much to even muster up a curse, let alone any other kind of response. I only sat there, curled up and weeping into my arms, completely defenseless as his words ripped away at my soul. This was hell, pure hell. Every time I had seen that daimon, it was either outside, at a friend's house, or in my recent dream. Now, this bastard was here, in my home, tormenting me with these visions of plane crashes, fires, and Mother's dying screams. All that ever did happen at home were the same nightmares of my parents' death, and of the very words that had forever changed my life. Now the nightmare was here, in the waking world. And this sadistic bastard was here, in my home, bestowing this nightmare upon me. I could no longer escape it, for it was here to stay, making life as I know it hell on Earth.

Yet, the plane was still plunging toward the ground, completely overtaken by the raging inferno. "You live a lie Makoto. You're life is a lie. Your pride is a lie. Your love is a lie. The only thing true about you..." the daimon explained as the plane continued to plunge toward its demise, "... is that you're nothing but a frightened, lonely, empty little girl." Those words, along with the plummeting airplane, made me cower even more. And it was with those final, stabbing words that the plane finally exploded as it augured into the ground.

There was silence, nothing else. The screaming had stopped, the daimon seemed to have left, and plane was gone after having crashed. I didn't know where I was, nor did I really care. All that I knew is I was sitting on solid ground, curled up tightly, and trembling from such an awful experience, with my face buried in my arms. I was once again crying. I was so scared that it was all I could do. I have never been so afraid in my life. My worst fear of all was here, all around me. Since that daimon first showed me that fear, I was constantly being reminded of it. Nightmares, hallucinations, flashbacks, and that damned daimon always dominated my mind, making their unwelcome visits without notice. And every time they did, they left me weakened from that fear, if not completely defeated by it. That was how I felt right there and then, defeated.

It wasn't until quite a while later when I had finally calmed down enough to where I could glance up from my arms at what was around me. I was back in my apartment in the corner of my kitchen. This time, everything was quiet, calm, and tranquil. The fires were gone, leaving my apartment completely unscarred. The screams were gone, as if they never existed. Everything was as left exactly as it was.

It was over. What had to have been the most horrifying experience of my life was finally over. Relieved, I took in a deep breath and let out a sigh. Then, with what little strength I had left in me, I took my hand and brushed it across my eyes, as if to wipe them clean of my tears. But all I felt was my dampened skin and dry eyelashes. For the second time that day, I had cried until I could cry no more. And that was what had made that little bit of relief short-lived. Other than that single motion, I was too terrified and too weak to even move from this corner.

"Damn," I swore to myself, with my voice barely above a whisper, before I let my head drop back into my crossed arms. With that god-awful experience finally over, all that remained on my mind were the daimon's striking words. Once again, he suggested that this weak, lonely, scared little girl cowered in the corner was who I really was. He implied that my pride, my cooking, my housekeeping, and my tough girl attitude were all but a mask I wore to cover that alleged truth about me.

"My life is a lie," I barely whispered to no one in particular, repeating what the daimon had said. How was my life a lie? I've always wanted to prove to the world, and especially to my parents after they died, that I was strong enough to take care of myself. I always loved helping Mother around the house, especially with the cooking and baking. I started my martial arts classes when I was 7. Those attributes alone could not have been lies.

However, I started getting into more fights only a year after my parents died. I then took cooking and house cleaning more seriously at around the end of elementary school, which was also the time my Uncle saw no need to check on me anymore. The only other time he had intervened in my life was the time I transferred to Juuban Junior High after putting a student in the emergency room. I had gotten the reputation as the big girl, the tough girl, the athlete, and even the tomboy. Girls weren't supposed to be fighting. Girls weren't supposed to be athletic. Girls were supposed to be little homemakers. Girls were supposed to be chefs. Girls were supposed to gossip about their crush. In the eyes of others, I was none of the above. So I began taking the things that good little girls were supposed to do more seriously. Still, my cooking and housecleaning couldn't have been lies either. I have always done them and have always enjoyed them. Therefore my pride couldn't have been a lie either.

Yet, something in my gut ached, suggesting that there was more to all this than I was thinking. Maybe I wasn't looking at the whole picture. Maybe I had convinced myself otherwise all these years. Maybe I was lying to myself. One thing was for certain, I was lonely like I was 7 years go when I received the news. Everything I had felt then was what I was feeling right there in the corner of my kitchen.

"Mother... Father..."

Those were the last words I barely gasped. After that, I remembered nothing else from that night.

The next day was no better...

_end of part IV_

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...Disclaimer: As usual, Sailor Moon and most of the characters ain't mine, but belong to Naoko Takeuchi. And God bless that woman for creating such great entertainment for all of us with a lot of free time on our hands to enjoy. The English dub belongs to DiC Entertainment and Cloverway, and I only thank them for bringing' it to America, nothin' more. But Russell Hino/Hino Kyodai, Tuxedo Inferno, Titanius, and Deanna Kokorono/Kokorono Meijin are MINE (in a growling voice). So, please don't sue me. I'm just a lonely man who ain't got anything but his pride. Well, y'all enjoy this fanfic and e-mail me.

Have fun Sailor Moon fans,  
Viper Inferno  
(Y2V)


	5. Part V

Title: Self-Incineration - Part V

Author: Viper Inferno

Genre: Dark Drama

Rated: R

Author's Notes: Good day, Sailor Moon fans. Welcome once again to the World of Y2V. First, I would like to apologize for the long length of time between Parts IV and V. I have been on a 3-year hiatus and have recently returned to fanfic writing. So after some hard work, I have finally brought out Part V to my Makoto fanfic. Enjoy.

* * *

**Self-Incineration**

_By Viper Inferno_

Part V

_The next day was no better..._

A beam of sunlight prompted me to open my eyes. Dawn had arrived. I knew it because whenever I didn't set my alarm, it was a beam of sunlight summoned by the dawn that gave me my wake up call. But when I glanced up from my folded arms, I discovered that I was still in my kitchen. Craning my head toward the counter and stove, I found that the pot I was going to use to reheat the vegetables in was still on the stove. I sprung up as I had suddenly remembered what was happening before my night of terror. Not only was I going to reheat some leftovers, but worst of all, I had turned the gas stove on.

So I promptly dashed over to it, with nothing on my mind but an exploding apartment. I grabbed the control knob to turn it off, only to find that it was already off. Relieved, I fell to my knees and let out an audible sigh. However, along with that relief came a bout of confusion. I distinctly remembered turning the stove on right before my waking nightmare. If I did, then how the hell was it turned off? I might have turned it off during the nightmare, or perhaps in the middle of the night. Then again, other than that horrid nightmare, perhaps I remembered nothing of last night.

All of a sudden, a thunderous road from my stomach brought all those thoughts to an abrupt end. My thoughts then shifted to food. I didn't even get the chance to cook yesterday, thanks to that daimon, so dammit I was hungry. I had to think quickly about what I wanted to eat, or else my stomach was going to scream to everyone on my floor. I didn't care what I wanted, nor did I care if I had to cook it, as long as I found something to eat.

As I went to open my refrigerator, I suddenly remembered that I had taken some vegetables and meatloaf out last night for dinner. So I scurried around my kitchen, looking for the food I had left out. I certainly wasn't going to eat any of it, having let it sit out all night to spoil. I searched my counters, my sink, and my stove, a task made easy by my rather spotless kitchen which I was always keeping up. And spotless they remained, as I couldn't find the vegetables or the meatloaf. How were they missing? I remembered taking them out of my refrigerator last night as clear as day, right before my terrifying ordeal.

My stomach growled at me again, forcing me to give up pondering that enigma. So I went back to my refrigerator and casually opened the door, only to discover my meatloaf and vegetables resting inside. I immediately took them out of the refrigerator and smelled them. They smelled of gourmet meatloaf and fresh vegetables to me, which was very relieving to both me and my angry stomach. But how did they end up back in the fridge?

I quickly shook that question from my mind as I shut the door and took my meal to the counter next to my stove. Meatloaf and fresh vegetables, they really made for quite an odd breakfast, but I was too hungry to care.

The first thing I did was set my oven to a suitable temperature for reheating the meatloaf. As I turned the knob, I suddenly had the feeling that I had set it to that exact temperature before. I closed my eyes, wondering where this sense of deja vu was coming from and why I was having it. "Couldn't be," I said to myself as I went back to the task at hand. I grasped the pot on the stove, only to find that it still had the water in it from last night. So I poured it out in the sink and replaced it with fresh water, not wanting to use old water from last night to boil vegetables. I then knelt down before the stove, my eyes level with the empty burner, and turned the knob to ignite it.

As the igniter ticked, my entire kitchen suddenly flashed as a large flame shot out of the burner, prompting me to jump backward into the wall.

"Jesus Christ," I exclaimed, clutching my chest and breathing heavily as my heart pounded away at my chest. I looked back toward my stove, expecting to see my kitchen ablaze. However, all I saw was a flame extending nearly half a meter from the burner.

"Damn, I better call my uncle sometime and get that fixed," I said to myself as I walked back to my stove and turned the burner down to a more descent level. That damned stove had given me one hell of a jolt. I seriously thought that it was going to set my apartment on fire. But honestly, it was something more sinister that I had thought afterward. It very well could've been a repeat of my waking nightmare last night. It could've put me back inside of that doomed airliner, forcing me to watch as everyone on board burned alive. And that scenario was the reason my heart was still pounding away at my chest, even as the water in the pot was just coming to a boil.

Thank God it didn't come to that. So I brushed it off as I placed the meatloaf in the oven to reheat. But merely brushing it off wasn't doing me very much good, because even when I was cutting up the vegetables and placing them in the boiling water, many thoughts about last night weighed heavily on my mind. Not even cooking, my favorite hobby, could keep me refuge from these thoughts.

Later that morning, after quelling my angry stomach with a gourmet, albeit leftover, meatloaf and fresh boiled vegetables, I had decided to lie on my couch since Rei didn't have a study session scheduled for us today. While lying on the couch, I could let all the thoughts flow through my mind. I could let myself ponder everything that had happened last night, and try to explain the mysteries of this morning. After such a horrifying experience last night, after vividly remembering what I was doing beforehand, this morning's discoveries had left me completely baffled.

First, I had discovered that my stove was turned off. I had distinctly remembered turning it on last night, since my burner was what had summoned that awful vision of my apartment burning all around me. And worst of all, it had summoned that goddamn daimon... to my home, nonetheless. So of course I remembered turning the stove on. I also remembered turning my oven on to reheat the meatloaf. Yet, when I awoke from my nightmare, they were both turned off. If that wasn't enough, I remembered taking the meatloaf and vegetables out of the fridge so I could properly prepare them before cooking them. And when I awoke, they had somehow ended up back in the fridge. How the hell was that possible?

And so there I lie with that mystery on my mind, attempting to explain these happenings. I could've turned off my stove at literally any time. I could've woken up in the middle of the night and turned it off. However, if that was true, then I wouldn't have woken up still cowered in the corner with my face buried in my crossed arms against my knees. I could've turned it off immediately after my stove flashed. It was the most logical explanation for why my stove was off, but it still left me baffled as to why my oven was also turned off, unless I turned them both off out of instinct.

As for the vegetables, I really couldn't explain how they ended up back in the refrigerator. I couldn't have done it during my waking nightmare, especially since all I had seen was my burning apartment and the inside of the doomed airliner. It all had left me too terrified to do anything. So the only explanation I came up with, however unlikely, was that I had to have woken up in the middle of the night and put the meatloaf and vegetables back. I just didn't remember it.

Suddenly, the telephone rang, effectively ending my quest to solve this mystery. On the second ring, I pushed myself back upright in my couch. By the third ring, I had finally gotten myself up and begun walking toward the kitchen where my phone was. "Okay, okay, I'm coming," I said as my phone sounded its fourth ring. Having quickly forgotten about this morning's enigma, I picked up the phone, wondering who it might be. "Moshi moshi?"

"Hello, Kino Makoto-san?" and older man's voice replied.

"Yes, this is Makoto," I replied.

"I am Detective Watanabe with the Greater Tokyo Police Department..." the man said before hesitating.

Immediately, a sense of anxiety overcame me. Why would the police be calling me at my house? Had I done something wrong? Did they have some questions for me about some random event? Or was it something to do with my uncle? Then suddenly, I remembered that building fire I had witnessed last week. And worse, I remembered Usagi telling me that I had punched some guy out and ran off. Did that guy go and tell the police? If so, did they have some questions regarding what had happened and why I had punched that guy out? And if that was the case, why were they calling me and not coming over here personally since that was how the police operated. However, all I heard on the phone was silence. Throughout my bout of confusion, I hadn't even noticed that the detective was hesitating for some odd reason.

"I'm very sorry, I'm not very good at this," he said, still sounding quite hesitant. But why? I was still very anxious, wondering what this detective had to tell me, and more so why he was so reluctant to say it. However, something was telling me that something was wrong, something bad. And it had nothing to do with something I had done. It was trying desperately to get my attention, prompting my heart to beat away at my chest.

"Kino-san, I'm afraid I have some bad news," he began explaining. I knew it, it was something bad. The burning in my guy and my pounding heart had told me so. What was it? What was the bad news?

"It's about your mother and father... they won't be coming home," he said, prompting that burning sensation to spread throughout my body.

"I know," I gasped, "They died 7 years ago."

"The plane they were on crashed at the airport last night... nobody made it, not even your parents," he continued, oblivious to what I wad just gasped. By then, I had felt a couple of tears rolling down my cheeks. Yet, he continued.

"Your mother... your father... they're gone. I'm so sorry, Kino-san....." I didn't let him finish, because I had heard it 7 years ago. I had hung up the phone before I could hear more of what I already knew. What the hell was that all about? Why would Detective "What's-his-name" call me 7 years later to tell me that my parents had perished in a plane crash? Something wasn't right. But all I could think about was that day, 7 years ago. I had let myself slide down the counter and onto the floor, leaning against the cabinets as the tears slowly shed from my eyes. How could I forget it? How could I forget the police at my door, telling an 8-year-old girl that her parents weren't coming home, and that it was the plane they flew on that had claimed their lives? So how the hell was I getting a phone call 7 years later saying the exact damn thing? Did Detective "Who's-its" enjoy hearing me cry? Did he get some kind of pleasure from it?

I simply didn't give a shit anymore why he called, nor did I give a shit that it all somehow didn't seem right. All that I wanted at that moment was to get the hell away from it. So I ran my forearm across my eyes to dry my tears and locked them away in their prison. I pushed myself back to my feet, grabbed my keys, and made for my door like an evacuee. I opened my door, slid into my black flats, locked my door, and shut it on my way out. I had decided to leave that sadistic detective, the mysteries from this morning, and last night's nightmare in my apartment to die away. I wanted out of my home and out in the world to burn away the time, letting it all flow out of my system. Perhaps a nice stroll would help me to feel better.

_Juuban Shopping Center, later that afternoon..._

It was just past noon when I arrived at the shopping center in the Juuban District, not too far from my apartment. The weather, while being a little bit warmer than I was comfortable with, was actually quite pleasant. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, allowing the noon sun to highlight the many colors of the urban landscape. The gentle breeze helped to keep the sun from inflicting any discomfort to the people walking about the shopping center, myself included.

Although my lighter attire was perfectly appropriate for the warmer weather, my light green sleeveless button-up allowing the breeze to cool more of my skin, it was the exact same attire I had worn yesterday. I really did not like wearing the same clothes for a second day, especially if I had left my apartment on the first. But I didn't really have much of a chance to change since my study session yesterday. Everything that had happened since then was either sudden or impromptu. Even my being out here, walking the streets of the Juuban District, was an impulse decision. So I really had no choice but to live with my discontent.

Shaking those thoughts from my mind, I found a small clothing store that had some enticing window displays. It was rather funny that I had some displeasing thoughts about clothing, and that it was clothing that had grabbed my attention and sparked my curiosity. So I cautiously walked across the street, after waiting for a few cars to pass, and strolled up to the window of the clothing store.

They weren't exquisite dresses or anything, but they were still some very nice-looking sundresses and house dresses. Sure, I liked the beauty of evening dresses and formal dresses, but these were ones that I could look good in everyday, whether at home, outside, or with my friends. I didn't wear a lot of dresses, usually wearing slacks or pants, but sometimes I loved to just dress like a real lady. O after gazing at the fine dresses, admiring their fine beauty, and imagining how I'd look wearing them, I turned and continued down the sidewalk. I would've loved to have gone in and bought a couple of those dresses, but my allowance wasn't coming for in another couple of weeks.

"It's what you wanted to be, right?" a voice said to me in my head.

"Yeah," I replied to myself, not even paying much attention to the voice itself. It was exactly what I was thinking about. It's what I wanted to be for many years, a fine-dressed, beautiful lady. And what girl wouldn't want to look like a true lady, outside of tomboys? Sure I usually dressed well, but I always had that desire to be an exquisite lady. So I brushed that voice off and continued on my way along the many storefronts.

After gazing into a few more storefronts, I had grown bored with window shopping, especially since I didn't have the extra money to be spending on things I would loved to have bought, no matter how much they beckoned me. Actually, the fact that I didn't have that much money to spend only made me want to buy all the things I was browsing even more. So I had to find something else to do and quickly, before I surrendered to my desires.

And then, after making it to an intersection, I spotted a large opening down the street and to my right. No buildings occupied this space, as it was a large area of grass, trees, benches, and picnic areas surrounding a large lake filled with flocks of ducks and swans. Throughout my round of window shopping, I had not realized that I was walking toward the park. I always loved spending time at the park. Its natural landscape, especially when highlighted by the sunny weather such as today's, made the park a much more serene environment than the urban jungle. So I decided to turn at that intersection and go to the park.

On my way there, I immediately thought about my friends. I thought about them because in recent times, most of the times I had spent at the park were with them. Usagi and Minako both enjoyed taking in the fresh air, away from school, and away from the stresses of life. Even Ami would spend some time here now and then, even if that time was spent in her studies. It was something about the environment of the park, unmolested by the many cars driving about the streets of Tokyo, that made people so carefree in its presence. So perhaps all my cares would go away once I stepped foot in its grassy haven.

Once I had stepped onto the grass and into the park, I paused and took in a great breath of fresh air. It was so crisp and clean, so pure, and had such a pleasantly mild aroma, that it would've cleansed the souls of anyone who had withstood life's many trials. Completely relieved after that breath of fresh air, I continued my walks further into the park and began wondering about what to do there.

I certainly wasn't going to sit and relax at one of the many park benches, nor the gazebos, nor the picnic areas. As much as I would've loved to have sat and relaxed, my body wanted to remain in motion. And in recent days, it was my body that was winning most of its arguments with my mind. So I had to keep walking. I had to keep my body moving. And since the lake had a paved trail around its entire circumference, it made my decision to walk the trail alongside the lake that much easier.

As I was walking the lakeside trail, I took in all the sights and sounds of the park. The most prominent ones were those of all the people, young and old, enjoying themselves and each other. A couple sat on a large picnic throw underneath a nearby tree. A group of high school students were throwing a Frisbee to each other. A group of younger children were scurrying about the park grounds, causing all kinds of ruckus.

But what had really gotten my attention on my walk around the lake was a young woman, sitting on one of the benches facing the lake, reading a book. She had long black hair and looked a little bit older than I was, I guess about college-age. As I looked at her, watching her face as it scanned the book she was reading, seemingly oblivious to all else, she immediately reminded me of Ami. Ami was always one of my quieter friends, unlike the very upbeat and energetic Usagi, yet was very dependable and there to lend a helping hand, especially when it came to academics.

Those thoughts left a warm feeling in my chest and face as I passed the woman by and continued on my walk. And after an hour of walking around the lake on this warm summer day, that warm feeling had crept its way to my skin and prompted me to break a sweat. Even with the gentle breeze keeping it from being unbearable, it did pull be out of my comfort zone. So I decided that I was done for the day. And with the sun entering the final leg of its westward journey, I turned off the trail and began walking out of the park in the direction of my apartment.

After a leisurely trip out of the park and through the Juuban Shopping Center, I had made it back to my apartment building just as the sun started to hover above the horizon. I was feeling totally relieved to have been out of my apartment and spending the whole day walking about most of the Juuban District. It had certainly taken a lot of stress, a lot of worries, and a lot of pain and anguish off my mind. But it was time for me to return home and back to my favorite hobbies of cooking and housecleaning.

However, as I stepped off the elevator after having reached my floor, a feeling of unease began stirring in my chest. This struck me as unusual since I didn't really exert myself on my walk about town. And it wasn't just a feeling of unease, but also of anxiety as my heart began to pound at my chest. Then, I realized as I was approaching my apartment that my body was reminding me of both last night's and this morning's events were what had prompted me to spend the day out and about the Juuban District to begin with.

Once at my door, my heart beat harder against my chest, anxious over what other misery might've been waiting for me on the other side. With my trembling hand, I slid my key into the lock and turned the knob, then hesitated. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, preparing me for whatever my gut intuition was warning me about. I then threw my door open and opened my eyes, only to find an empty, serene apartment. I let out a heavy sigh of relief and walked inside, slipping out of my flats at the door.

Nothing had happened, so why did I feel so uneasy when I neared home? I sat on my couch and pondered that feeling. But as I had just begun to settle, I noticed a flashing red light on my answering machine. 'I have messages,' I thought to myself as I stood from my couch and walked to my kitchen. I figured they were probably from Rei or Usagi, wondering if I had made it home safe and sound and if I was feeling any better. So I pressed the play button on my answering machine and listened.

"Hello, Kino Makoto-san. This is Detective Watanabe with the Greater Tokyo Police Department. There was an accident last night involving your parents and we need you to..."

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed. Why the hell was that same detective calling me again? Didn't he get his message across this morning when he called me?

"Your mother... your father...they're gone. I'm so..."

"Enough, damn you," I yelled as I stabbed the delete button to delete that god-awful message. Why? Why did Detective "Whoever-the-hell-he-is" have to call me again? And why did he have to leave me that message so I could hear those same words that had plagued me for days? Along with those questions came a few tears from my eyes as they rolled down my cheeks. And before the burning in my chest could begin to spread, I tightly shut my eyes. After having squeezed the tears out, I recomposed myself and pressed the play button again to listen to the other message on my machine.

"So, you were out and about in town, weren't you," a deep voice echoed on the answering machine, seemingly overtaking the voice of a young girl in the background. However, I had barely caught the background voice before I realized whose deep voice that was. And that realization only made me tremble and my heart beat faster.

"You always loved walking about the park and the shopping districts," the voice continued on, "But all of it was for nothing. You shop for things you can't afford. You shop because you want to cover up the fact that you try to be more lady-like. It too is nothing but another mask you wear, a mask to cover up that plane crash and those detective's words, a mask you wear to run away from it all."

Dammit, how the hell did he know about me going out window shopping? I thought I had left his as when I ran out of my apartment this morning. But it wasn't like I could argue with my answering machine. And as the message ended, I slid down the cabinets and down to my kitchen floor, as an epiphany had struck me hard. The fact was that I couldn't dispute what he was saying, my using my window shopping and walks in the park to run away from those horrible memories. It was exactly the reason that I was spending the day out of my apartment in the first place. But in the end, I couldn't run from it, because that goddamn daimon was waiting for me here. He waited for me to come home feeling better, only to shatter it like glass and flood me with misery all over again.

So there I sat, with my face buried in my arms, as these thoughts flooded my mind like the dam had burst. He was right; all my window shopping and my walks in the park were nothing but a mask I wore. I wore it to get away from the burning plane, the detective's heart-wrenching news, and Mother's dying screams. And for the first time, that daimon was right. Dammit, that bastard was right.

It was the first of many more awakenings to come...

_The next morning..._

I suddenly sprang up from my bed, the swift motion throwing my sheets off of me. I was sweating and breathing quite heavily like I had just run the 400 meters in track. Why had I suddenly waken up like this? Well, I had another dream, the same horrifying dream that I had last week.

Once again, I was on board an airplane. Once again, I saw Mother and Father, wearing the same joyful faces they had always worn when they were together. Once again, their joy was shattered as the plane started bouncing and rolling violently. Once again, the plane had burst into flames, consuming the terrified people on board. And once again, I heard Mother scream my name in bloody horror as the plane slammed into the ground, leaving a burning wreak of twisted metal and dead bodies.

God, why did I have to dream that horrible nightmare again? Why did I have to witness Mother and Father dying in that plane? And this was all after hearing the police detective telling me that they weren't coming home. And most of all, it was all after my battle with that Death Busters bastard who knew so much about me, and who continued to torture me with things he knew about me.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to stay in those thoughts. So I threw my sheets off of me and stood up from my bed. I then quickly shook those negative thoughts from my mind before they could hold me captive.

After the usual morning routine, I decided to walk into my kitchen and cook me my own American-style breakfast. Not only did I enjoy cooking the more typical and more formal Japanese breakfasts, but I also enjoyed cooking American, English, French, and even Middle Eastern breakfasts. Why did I learn how to cook so many different kinds of foods from all around the world? Well, when you get to cooking as much as I do, you get tired of cooking the same things time and time again. Plus, I was always looking for new challenges, and foods from other cultures provided those challenges.

So I opened my pantry where I kept my breads, flour, and other non-perishables. For an American-style breakfast, I needed some of my breads and especially some flour for both the main course and some rolls to be made from scratch. Next, I went to my refrigerator. From it, I grabbed some milk, butter, eggs, and even some pork sausage and bacon. Americans certainly loved their meat, and I was going to cook this breakfast in the true American fashion.

With all the ingredients gathered, I grabbed a couple of frying pans and took them to the stove. As for turning on the stove, recent memories from the last couple of days made me a bit anxious. So I stood at arms length from the stove, shielded my eyes with my arm and hand, and turned the knob to ignite it. I braced myself for the coming flash as soon as it began to tick. Then, I saw nothing, not even a flicker, when I heard the stove ignite. I lowered my hand and unshielded my eyes, only to see a rather ordinary and serene flame.

This was certainly different than the half-meter flame from yesterday morning, and struck me as more than unusual. How the hell was my stove acting up like this? I really needed to have my uncle fix it. However, it seemed to be acting completely fine. So with all my breakfast ingredients out and ready to cook, I placed the pans on the burners and began my long cooking ritual.

"Such a fine breakfast," a voice said to me as I began mixing the pancake batter.

"Yeah," I said to myself aloud. It was a fine breakfast, but this particular breakfast was nothing really challenging or even particularly special to me. I had cooked this breakfast probably a hundred times in the last couple years, and it was becoming more and more routine.

"But you know you're only doing it to cover up last night's dream," the voice said to me again.

I suddenly paused, frozen by the words spoken in my mind. I had no idea where that statement had come from, especially since last night's dream had already left my mind. So I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking hard on those words. Why had I decided to cook this American-style breakfast, especially one that I had already mastered? The answer came to me like a well-trained dog. "It's because I was simply hungry," I said to myself as I opened my eyes.

But as I was about to pour some batter onto a frying pan to start the first pancake, the phone began to ring. I hung my head in disappointment, sweat drop hanging and all, as I set the pancake batter down and answered the phone. "Moshi moshi?"

"The top story for today, a plane crash at the Haneda Airport," the voice of a news anchor began, "At about 7:30pm, All Nippon Airways Flight 148 out of Osaka crashed on its final approach, killing all on board..."

That was all that I could bear to hear as I slammed the handset onto its cradle. All Nippon Airways, Flight 148: That was the flight Mother and Father were on 7 years ago. With my heart pounding and my hands trembling from hearing that recorded news headline, I closed my eyes as more thoughts from this morning and last night flowed through my mind.

As they flowed, I saw it again. I saw everyone in that plane, screaming and panicking as it violently shook, bucked, and rolled. I saw the plane burst into flames, silencing those screams as it burned those people alive.

And suddenly, a loud ring broke me from my trance. Everything I was witnessing all over again had disappeared. I glanced toward the origin of that ring and discovered that my egg timer was reading zero. "That's right, the rolls," I said to myself. I had to get that phone call off my mind and get back to my cooking. If it weren't for my egg timer, the rolls would've ended up charred as badly as Usagi's cooking. So I removed the rolls from the oven and set them aside to cool down. And from there, I went back to the pancake batter and poured some onto the frying pan to start on the pancakes.

As I continued with preparing the meal, I couldn't help but to think about last night's dream. And more so, I couldn't get that damn news story out of my head. It was ever since that strange call from the detective yesterday that these thoughts kept invading my mind, no matter how much that my paying attention to the pancakes, the sausage, and the bacon had broken me from them. It was like my cooking was having a difficult time keeping my mind off of it.

But one thing did break me from both these thoughts and my cooking as the phone rang again. I instinctively walked over to my phone and reached for the handset to answer it. But my hand stopped inches from it as apprehension took over. My last number of phone calls had been far less than pleasant. So of course I was anxious. But by the fifth ring, I acted quickly and snatched the handset before my answering machine could respond. "Yes, moshi moshi?"

"Hello Makoto," a deep voice responded grimly.

My eyes popped wide open as I immediately recognized that Death Busters bastard's voice. And upon that recognition, I quickly slammed my phone back on its cradle to hang up. I was in no mood to listen to whatever he had to say this time, and the burning sensation that was flowing through my extremities only enhanced that bad mood. Here I was, cooking a fine meal like I always loved to do and that daimon had to try and ruin it for me.

But before I could think of anything else, the phone started ringing again. And as it rang, my body started to burn even more, only this time fueled by anger. I snatched the phone, wondering who the hell was calling and what the hell they wanted. "What?" I barked into the phone.

"Don't hang up on me again," the same deep voice snapped right back, quickly calming my anger and fueling my anxiety.

"Why are you calling me?" I demanded, my voice wavering slightly.

"To show you what you are trying to cover up by cooking," the daimon replied, "You're only cooking such a big meal to cover up that dream you had last night."

Those words pierced me, sending shots though my nerves like a stake had been driven through my heart. "No," I gasped, "That's not true. I always cook fine meals like this."

"Yes, but you often do it to run away from traumatizing events," the daimon rebutted, "Just like you're doing right now."

And just as the daimon had said those words, images began to flash through my mind all at once. I saw the people burning alive on the plane. I saw the plane on the tarmac from our last battle exploding. I saw a news story about the plane crash. I saw the detective at the door with his heart-shattering news. And as those images flashed through my mind, the burning sensation caused my hands to tremble and tears to form in my eyes.

"You may have always cooked fine meals, but you use it as a mask to cover up trying to be a tough girl so people would accept you as a normal girl," the daimon explained, "You not only cover up trying to be tough, but you also cover up that plane crash and every reminder of it. But you can't run from it forever, Makoto. All your hiding behind your cooking, pretending to be a normal girl, counts for nothing. You've lied to yourself so much that it has merely routine to you. And now that routine is becoming a burden."

"Why?" I gasped as his words continued to weigh on me, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because you make a big deal out of cooking to hide who you really are," the daimon replied, "And you cook to hide who you pretend to be. You can't run from it all anymore, Makoto, and your cooking becoming more and more obsessive is proof of that."

"Enough," I yelled as I slammed the phone back on its cradle. I slid down the counter and to the floor as the tears began to cascade down my cheeks. I immediately threw my face into my arms and burst out crying. That daimon had just insulted my favorite hobby, the think I took the most pride in. The words he had spoken were more than insulting, they were downright belittling. If yesterday's revelations about my shopping weren't bad enough, todays had seriously hurt my pride.

My tears had stopped shedding, and I glanced up from my arms as more thoughts about the daimon's words entered my mind. Why did I let my pride take a serious beating just now? Why did it hurt so much? With those questions in mind, I began to think about his words. I have always cooked meals, such as the one I was cooking now, for years. I have always challenged myself with larger meals, multiple-course meals, and even exotic meals. It was my dream to become a great chef and even open my own fine restaurant.

However, what was really weighing on we was the fact that I had only started focusing on my cooking skills a few years ago after some of my classmates made fun of me and even avoided me because of my size, strength, and athletic skills. Girls weren't supposed to be strong, tough, and athletic. Girls were supposed to be great cooks, good housekeepers, and future brides. Sure I used to cook at home a lot before then since I was living alone, but was I really taking up this hobby to look more feminine? Was I really cooking such exquisite meals, whether it was just for me or to impress my friends, to escape the things that were bothering me?

It was true that cooking always made me feel better whenever I was feeling down. All the time and energy I had spent on and all the attention I had given to my cooking helped me to take my mind off of anything that was bothering me. Even now, I was cooking a fine traditional American breakfast not only because I was hungry, but also to get my mind off of last night's awful dream. Once again, that Death Busters bastard was right.

That very thought only made me think even deeper into everything he was saying. So I stood back up and gazed at my empty pancake pan and greasy frying pan, both their burners still on. Even my favorite hobby could no longer keep my mind off the dreams, the visions, and the daimon's words. So why was I doing this?

With a little bit of pancake batter and a few strips of bacon left over, I decided to place them in their respective frying pans. And as they began to cook, more thoughts about my cooking entered my mind.

It wasn't that I focused on cooking because the other girls looked down upon me for being so athletic, but I had taken up cooking right after I had moved here after Mother and Father died. And it wasn't just cooking I was doing, but I was cleaning my apartment as well. Not only did I have to take care of myself, but back then I did it to show everyone, especially my uncle, that I was okay and that I could take care of myself. And back then, it also helped me to take my mind off of things, especially those detective's words that had forever changed my life. Whenever I wasn't participating in my martial arts and all my other physical activities, it was my cooking and housecleaning that had often taken my mind off of things and made me feel better.

Those thoughts made even more tears fill my eyes. Dammit, that daimon was right. The more I thought about it, the more I started questioning my choice of breakfast. I could've easily cooked a much smaller and simpler breakfast to satisfy my hunger. But I decided on this breakfast to try and get my mind off of last night's dream, and it certainly didn't do me a hell of a lot of good.

Right then, I had lost my desire to cook this breakfast. As I turned the bacon and flipped the pancake, the tears once again cascaded down my cheeks. Am I really lying to myself about wanting to cook such great meals? Why am I obsessing over all this cooking when I do it to get things off my mind and to hide my athleticism? Why do I always look for chores to do around the house even though it was the cleanest in the whole building?

The more I thought about it, the more I started to think that I was pursuing the wrong dream. Perhaps I really was lying to myself. Perhaps I did cook fine meals and clean and rearrange my apartment as often as I did to run away from the things that weighed heavily on my mind. And even now, I cook and clean to hide my physical prowess.

I really didn't want to finish my cooking. My whole reason for cooking this kind of meal had just been shattered by that goddamn daimon. And since our battle with him, that time he had shown me everything he knew about me, including my fears, my cooking was becoming more and more of a burden. It was then that I had totally lost my desire to cook fine meals as a hobby, whether it was for me or anyone else.

However, my growling stomach had broken me from my thoughts. On top of that, the pancakes and bacon were done cooking. I really didn't want any of this fine food to go to waste, so I decided to finish cooking this breakfast. I had no company coming over, so I had this big breakfast all to myself. But that was my punishment for using my cooking to hide my strength, and to hide my pain. So I really had no choice but to partake in this breakfast by myself like I usually have. Even so, it did not keep the daimon's words, the detective's news, and the peoples' screams off my mind.

_But my hobby wasn't all that I had lost..._

_The next day..._

"Mako-chan!!!"

My eyes popped open at the sound of Mother's voice. Once again, I had that same dream of being inside that doomed airplane. Once again, I saw everyone on board burn alive. And once again, I was woken up by Mother's dying screams. Damn, this was getting ridiculous.

When I opened my eyes, I scanned about my room. Most everything in my room was lit, with the light of the morning sun penetrating my curtains. I then glanced over toward my alarm clock, which read 9:34am. I didn't remember most of what had happened yesterday. All I remembered was that the breakfast I had labored on lasted me the rest of the day. And without cooking or housecleaning, I had no idea what to do. So after breakfast, the rest of the day was rather blurry.

So I rose from my bed and did my morning wake-up routine. Throughout my routine, more thoughts about last night's dream hit my mind. That had been part of my routine for the last week. I had these nightmares, I saw and heard that daimon, I lived my nightmare, and it stayed on my mind and only made me even more depressed. Unlike the first couple days since our last battle, it was getting harder for me to forget about these dreams. They were no longer in the past; rather they stayed in the present.

Suddenly, the phone rang. I did not want to answer it this time. My last number of calls had all been waking nightmares, and I certainly was in no mood to listen to the detective, the news, or that daimon. So I just ignored the call, deciding to let my machine pick it up, and continued with my morning routine.

Afterward, I decided to cook only a small breakfast. Having lost the desire to cook such great meals, all I could do was what I should've done yesterday, and that was cook only what I needed, nothing too complex, and nothing big. So it was rice and tea, and some of the leftover rolls from yesterday.

As I was cooking the rice, a flashing red light on my answering machine caught my attention. 'So, someone did leave me a message,' I thought to myself. However, with recent memories of unpleasant calls still fresh on my mind, I didn't even dare to press the play button. So I merely closed my eyes and let out a discontented sigh, then went back to making the rice. Although it wasn't much, it was all that a young girl like me needed.

It took little time for me to cook the rice over the stove. So when I finished, I took the tea and some of yesterday's rolls and sat at my coffee table and had my breakfast. It wasn't a bad breakfast at all, especially since I had mastered cooking rice and brewing tea years ago. So perhaps all my obsessive cooking did have some use. But as I finished my breakfast, I let out another sigh as the daimon's words reentered my mind, reminding me of why I had decided to stop cooking. So what could I do now that I had stopped cooking and rearranging my house? All I could really do was sit here in my apartment and either read one of my romance novels or watch one of the morning soap operas.

So I decided to sit on my couch and find out what was on TV. But as I reached for my remote, the flashing red light on my answering machine once again grabbed my attention. I couldn't ignore it, because even if I had turned my TV on and focused on it, my answering machine would still be beckoning me from the corner of my eye.

So I stood from my couch and walked into my kitchen where my phone and answering machine were. But as I arrived, I only stood there and gazed at the flashing red light on my answering machine. I was almost certain it was another one of those same calls I had been getting the last couple of days, which made me more than apprehensive. However, my gut was telling me that there was something more to this call.

I knew it was going to happen, and that flashing red light was going to make sure that I didn't run away from it. On top of that, my answering machine wouldn't let me delete any messages until I've played them. So I finally decided, nearly 2 hours had passed since my phone rang, to press the play button on my answering machine.

"I see you've accepted the truth about all your obsessive housecleaning and cooking," the daimon's voice said on the tape. As much as I dreaded hearing his voice, I barely made out the mutterings of a young girl in the background. However, the daimon continued, drawing my focus away from the girl in the background. "You've accepted that all of your cooking, your housekeeping, and even your dreams of becoming a great chef were nothing but masks you wore to hide the loss of your parents," the daimon said.

And right at that moment, my vision went totally black, and I suddenly felt like I was falling. A split second later, two rows of square light resembling the airliner windows from my recent dream flashed around me. I immediately shut my eyes and vigorously shook my head. "You bastard," I exclaimed. And then, I stopped falling. I dared not open my eyes, but the daimon still continued.

"You've accepted that you did it so others wouldn't pick on you for your size and for how strong you look," he explained.

"Dammit, shut the hell up," I screamed. Right then, I opened my eyes and ran out of the kitchen and into my room. However, I didn't feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I was trembling, though. I was trembling because I was angry. I was pissed off at that daimon for telling me those things, and reminding me of just how right he was. I had to get out of here. I had to go someplace other than my apartment where I could vent my frustrations. I didn't want to go to Usagi's house, even though it was the first thought that had crossed my mind. With everything I was going through, even after I had talked to her about some of it last week, she'd either think I was crazy or try to sugarcoat it and tell me it was going to be fine, when it certainly wasn't looking that way.

So I went to my dresser and grabbed some workout clothes. I had decided that I was going to go to the gym to work out my frustrations. So without second thought, I took my workout clothes, grabbed my keys, and made for my front door like a bat out of hell. I then slid into some tennis shoes, tied them, and ran out of my hellish apartment.

_Later on, at the Juuban Gym..._

After a short jaunt from my apartment and through the Juuban District, I arrived at one of Juuban's numerous gymnasiums. I had always loved coming to this gym as long as I could remember. It was a place where I could be myself, a place where my size and strength came to excellent use. Hell, I had even drawn the attention of a few admirers. But, it had been months since I last came here. Not only did school and my senshi duties dominate my time, but my cooking and housecleaning did as well.

So, having been a while since my last visit and with recent events plaguing me, what better time was there to come back to the gym for a nice workout? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It certainly didn't cleanse me of my frustrations, but it did get me in the mood for my impending workout. I walked inside and was immediately greeted by the receptionist.

"Good Morning, Kino-san. Welcome back," the young woman greeted.

"Good Morning," I replied rather impassively, waving to her as I walked by. My first stop was the women's dressing room. There, I wasted no time getting out of my slacks and blouse and into my green t-shirt and pink gym shorts.

Once dressed for my workout, I walked out of the dressing room and went into one of the small workout rooms. It was a rather nice area of the gym. These smaller rooms were equipped with a punching bag, a rack of dumbbells, a stair step, and other smaller pieces of equipment. I wasn't in much of a mood to be drawing a crown, nor was I in the mood to be around the other patrons. So I chose the seclusion of these slammer rooms where I could work out my frustrations out in private.

Once inside, I did a number of stretches that I was taught for years in karate class. They were stretching exercises designed to make one extremely limber, not that I wasn't already. And with me having studied martial arts for years, these exercises had become my normal workout routine.

With my blood flowing freely through my veins, enhanced by my earlier adrenaline rush, I stood before the punching bag and closed my eyes. I clasped my hands together and focused all my energy. I focused all my frustrations throughout my body, working to gather them all to a point where I could let it all out in a continuous wave of punches.

Suddenly, I was back at the Haneda Airport. Darkness completely surrounded me. And in an instant, one of the planes on the taxiway exploded in a ball of flame, sending a burning sensation throughout my body. My heart began to race, and I opened my eyes and unleashed a barrage of furious punches at the punching bag.

After only a few hard punches, the bag swung away from me under the sheer force that I was putting into it. As it swung back toward me, I spun around and struck it with a well-timed roundhouse kick, once again sending it swinging. I then hopped around to where it would come back to me and unleashed another adrenaline-fed combo.

I had no idea how long I had kept up my furious onslaught on the punching bag, but after a while I began to sweat. This was rather normal for me, especially since most people who were serious about their workouts came here to break a sweat. But as I started another round of punches, the inside of the burning airplane flashed in my mind.

With my heart picking up its pace from that vision, I spun around and slammed the punching bag with a powerful roundhouse kick. I then stopped for a moment, breathing heavily with my heart beating against my chest as I allowed the punching back to swing to a stop. And as it had finally settled from its swing, I suddenly heard people screaming in terror. Then, the inside of the doomed airliner bursting into flames flashed in my mind.

"Damn," I cursed as I unleashed a powerful volley of kicks and punches into the punching bag. I was putting so much fury behind those kicks and punches that I sent the punching back flying as far as its chain would allow. By then, my body was burning from the adrenaline that was fueling my fury. I had lost all concept of time as my sole focus on channeling all my energy into that punching bag.

And as I continued, I suddenly and once again saw the inside of that burning plane. The fire was consuming the terrified people as it sped toward me. "Mako-chan!!!" was the last thing I heard before an explosion flashed in my mind. At that instant, my body was trembling. I focused the last of my energy into my right fist and threw it into the punching bag. That last bit of force sent it flying into the ceiling before it swung back down.

I just stood there. My heart was slamming into my chest like a sledgehammer. My hands were trembling. My body was burning inside. I couldn't get that damned dream of that awful plane crash out of my head, no matter how hard I dried. "Goddamn it, why?!" I screamed.

"Because you're lying to yourself," a deep voice replied.

Knowing exactly whose voice that was, I turned around and saw that bastard daimon standing next to the rack of dumbbells.

"Such a fighter you are," he said, "It has given you great strength for a girl your age. Yet, you still contradict yourself. Your aggressive nature came about to hide that trauma you suffered when that detective gave you the news of your parents' death. With your strength, you hide that trauma and hide the open wound that it left."

I only stood there, my hands still trembling and my body still burning, as the daimon continued.

"You know you were traumatized as a child. When that plane crashed, taking your parents away from you, you didn't know what to do. All that you knew then was that you were all alone," said the daimon.

And at that moment, the plane crash from my dream, with Mother's dying screams, flashed in my mind. "Kino Makoto-san... I have some terrible news... there was a plane crash last night... your father... your mother... gone... I'm deeply sorry," were the words that also flashed in my mind. By them the burning sensation had reached my face, and tears had begun streaming down my cheeks.

"Dammit, I hate airplanes," I gasped, "I hate them so damn much."

"All of your 'tough girl' charades count for nothing, don't they?" the daimon beckoned, "Since they died, you tried to be a tough girl so that loss wouldn't hurt so much. And as you covered that wound, you used it to prove to the world that you could handle being alone. That was why you focused on your martial arts. That was why you worked out. That was why you took up athletics. And that was how you developed your warrior's pride, wasn't it?"

By then, I had fallen to my knees, with tears still streaming from my eyes. I had no response to everything that he was saying, because now that I look at it, it was all sounding true. That was how I became the tough girl that the other students feared, as if my size alone wasn't enough.

"But now, all your strength and your warrior's pride can't even keep that plane crash, the detective's words, and even your recent dreams off of your mind," the daimon explained, "Is that proof enough that for all these years, everything that had made you physically strong was nothing but a lie you lived to cover up that trauma?"

I had heard enough. I quickly got up and ran out of the workout room, m tears streaming behind me. It was all true. I came here to try to get that awful dream and that daimon's revelations off my mind. And it was what I had started doing just months after my parents' funeral. I ran into the women's dressing room, finding it to be empty. Good. I certainly didn't want anyone seeing me like this. So I leaned up against my locker as the daimon's words weighed heavily on my mind.

But the burning sensation that had plagued me throughout my entire encounter finally cumulated in my throat. And I slid down my locker and broke out into a weep. That daimon was right. I only used my strength so that the loss of my parents didn't hurt so much. And now, even coming here to get away from it like I always have wasn't doing me any good anymore. Damn, as much as I hated to admit it, that daimon was right. That was when I began to doubt myself.

_Later that day..._

I had no idea how long I was at the gym. My workout couldn't have taken that long, but it was when I had run back to the dressing room and taken a shower that I was unclear about. All I knew was that it was sometime in the late afternoon as I was walking home. Perhaps my concept of time was fading. I didn't know what time it was anymore. I didn't know how long things had taken anymore. Hell, I didn't even know what day it was anymore, nor did I really care.

After a dreadful walk from the gym, I arrived back at my apartment. It had been a while since my last visit to the gym, and I had decided that it was going to be my last. What was the point? So I opened my door, walked inside, and kicked off my tennis shoes.

I had no idea what I wanted to do. I really wasn't in the mood for much anymore. All of today's events, yesterday's events, and even last week's events were weighing so heavily on my mind that it was all I could think about. So I flopped down onto my couch and thought about everything the daimon had told me.

But before I could even think, the phone began to ring. Damn, I wasn't in the mood for this. I wasn't in the mood for anymore harassing phone calls. O I jumped up from my couch and stomped over to my kitchen. I snatched the receiver and placed it up to my ear to listen. I may have been upset all day and not in the mood for this, but I was still curious.

"So you've accepted the truth, haven't you?" the daimon said over the phone, "You've accepted that you're not the tough girl you pretended to be all these years."

"Dammit, shut up," I yelled into the phone before slamming it against its cradle. I didn't want to hear about shit that I already knew. And I was beginning to grow sick and tired of that daimon reminding me of it.

But almost as quickly as I had hung up, the phone rang again. That time, I was pissed. "Dammit," I cursed as I snatched my phone, "What?!"

"Mako-chan!!!" a woman's voice screamed in bloody horror. And at that moment, images of Mother and Father on that plane, with mother screaming my name, flashed in my mind. I suddenly let the receiver fall to the floor as my eyes quickly filled with tears. And as that happened, my body once again burned inside. I let out a furious scream as I grabbed my phone and ripped it from the wall with all my strength, letting it fly across my kitchen and into the wall where it shattered into pieces.

I then ran into my room and threw myself onto my bed. There, I once again began to cry. I had lost not only my hobby that I so loved, but I had also lost my pride in my strength and athleticism. And the fact that neither could get my mind off this damned nightmare, and the fact that it just kept coming back no matter how hard I tried, was proof of it. How much more could I lose? What else did the daimon know about me? How much worse could this nightmare get? I did not know. All I could do that night was cry over my loss, both my loss from today and my loss from 7 years ago.

_...but believe me, it did get worse..._

_end of part V_

* * *

Disclaimer: As usual, Sailor Moon and most of the characters ain't mine, but belong to Naoko Takeuchi. And God bless that woman for creating such great entertainment for all of us with a lot of free time on our hands to enjoy. The English dub belongs to DiC Entertainment and Cloverway, and I only thank them for bringing' it to America, nothing more. But Russell Hino/Hino Kyodai, Tuxedo Inferno, Titanius, and Deanna Kokorono/Kokorono Meijin are MINE (in a growling voice). So, please don't sue me. I'm just a lonely man who ain't got anything but his pride. Well, y'all enjoy this fanfic and e-mail me.

Have fun Sailor Moon fans,  
Viper Inferno  
(Y2V)


	6. Part VI

Title: Self-Incineration - Part VI

Author: Viper Inferno

Genre: Dark Drama

Rated: R - _for adult content, adult language, and suggestive themes (especially the climax)_

Author's Notes: Good day, Sailor Moon fans. Welcome once again to the World of Y2V. Finally, after having started on this fanfic in mid-2003, and going on a long 3-year hiatus between Parts IV and V, I have finally finished this story. It's been fun writing this rather dark story about Makoto, and I really got on a roll with writing this final chapter in the last week. To all of the readers who have beared with me throughout this adventure, I thank you. Enjoy.

* * *

**Self-Incineration**

_By Viper Inferno_

Part VI

_But believe me, it did get worse..._

My eyes suddenly popped open at a rather loud noise sounding all around me. My heart was once again pounding at my chest and my body was trembling. I did nothing. I only lied there under my blankets with my eyes wide open and my body trembling. I had once again dreamt one of those terrible nightmares.

I was at the Haneda Airport, gazing out toward the runway. It had started out as a rather pleasant dream for once. It was like I was waiting for someone I loved to come home. Rather, I was excited to be there, waiting impatiently for the moment their plane pulled up to the ramp and the moment I'd finally see their faces.

But as the dream progressed, I saw a plane approaching the runway. However, this plane was acting very strangely. It was pitching and rolling quite violently. I was no expert at landing airplanes, but I knew in my gut that what that plane was doing wasn't right at all. And then, it happened. The plane suddenly let its nose and left wing drop. And in an instant, the plane exploded as it slammed into the ground before ever reaching the runway.

But my pleasant dream turned horrible nightmare didn't end there. In fact, it repeated itself, only that time with me being inside that doomed airplane. I felt the plane bucking and rolling hard enough to send me flying about the cabin unrestrained. I felt the plane's nose and left wing drop. And my body flew forward at breakneck speed as the plane augured in.

Thank God that loud noise had wakened me from this terrifying double-take. And after a minute of lying there under my blankets in total fear, the noise all around me finally ceased. Once it had stopped, I began to gaze all around me. I immediately recognized my dresser, my mirror, my nightstand, and my rather sparse wall furniture. Their forms were relatively well lit, making them easy for me to pick out. And finally, I noticed my alarm clock which read 8:02 am. I then concluded that my alarm clock had woken me from my nightmare and that I was back in my room.

So I reached out from under the blankets and toward my alarm clock. After shutting the alarm off, I threw my sheets off and rose from my bed. I then made my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine. It had been my routine now for God knows how long. Ever since my battle with that daimon, ever since I stopped cooking and housecleaning, I have been having these same nightmares. Every night, I'd wake up sometime in the middle of the night with my face sweating bullets and my heart pounding. And every morning, the same damn thing would happen. But recently, it wasn't my nightmares waking me up; rather it was my alarm clock waking me from my nightmares. And because of it all, I had been getting very little sleep at night.

After finishing my morning routine, I went straight into my kitchen. I didn't even bother to change out of my pajamas, much like I have been for probably a few days now. I had no idea how long it's been, and I really didn't give a shit anymore. I had no plans to go out that day. What was the use? I had no interest in shopping anymore. And my visit to the gym that same few days ago was my last, as even it couldn't keep my mind off of things anymore.

Or was it a week inst4ead of a few days? I had no clue anymore since these damned nightmares, both sleeping and waking, kept weighing heavily on my mind. Hell, I didn't even know what day it was anymore. Was it Saturday or Monday? Did I have school today? Even if I did, I was really feeling like shit after getting so little sleep and didn't very much feel like going.

Having seemingly lost all concepts of time and day, I just brushed off those questions and started up the pots for some rice and tea. Again, it was something simple to prepare. And I had some rolls that I had bought yesterday. So that was to be my breakfast, as it had been since my last great American-style breakfast.

So as the water in the pots was heating, I walked into my semi-organized living room and flopped down on my couch. I was young, I was single, and I was living by myself, so what the hell? I had no interest in housecleaning and rearranging furniture anymore, unless I somehow got tired of a messy room.

As I lied there on the couch, waiting for the water to come to a boil, I pondered what to do for the rest of the day. Each day, finding something to occupy me was becoming increasingly difficult. Yesterday's trip to the store, or maybe the day before, was the first time I had left my apartment since my final trip to the gym. So all I had to pass the time was my television and my books. And I was slowly losing interest in both of those as well.

Soon, the water in the kitchen came to a boil. So I pushed myself up from my couch and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed some rice and green tea and began work on my rather simple breakfast. And as I was making my breakfast, my mind had wondered back to last night's dream.

My dream was actually quite different from the other ones I've had, but that didn't make it any less frightening. Most of my dreams had either involved the detective at the door with his heart-shattering news, the terrified people inside the doomed airliner, Mother's dying screams as the plane augured into the ground, and the daimon tearing away at my soul with his knowledge of everything about me.

This dream, however, made me witness the plane crash from the outside as a spectator, and then from the inside as a passenger. Just like the other dreams, though, it seemed so real. I felt the windows rattle when the plane crashed. I felt my body slam into the front of the cabin when it crashed. I felt the heat from the fires before I woke up. And those thoughts, sensations, and memories stayed with me all throughout breakfast.

_That evening..._

Throughout the day, outside of breakfast and a rather simple dinner, having not been in the mood to eat much lately, I had kept myself occupied throughout the day by watching a couple of soap operas and reading some of my old novels. They weren't much, but they were all that I had left to enjoy in life.

All of a sudden, my whole apartment went dark. All the lights went out and my air conditioner stopped running. All was silent around me except for the clock on my wall ticking away.

"Damn," I swore as I rose from my couch. Power outages were always hell, especially during the summer when indoor temperature rose rapidly with no air conditioning to keep the outside heat at bay. But at night, navigating a pitch black apartment to search for some flashlights was a real bitch. I knew I had kept my flashlights in both my kitchen and my bedroom. So I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled on the floor to get around my table, couch, and anything else lying about my living room.

My thick curtains covering my sliding glass door certainly weren't helping matters either. But I did make it to my kitchen and began feeling around my cabinets for the drawer that contained my flashlight. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, opening the drawers that contained my silverware and cooking utensils, I found my flashlight and pulled it out. But when I flipped the switch on it, it didn't turn on.

"Damn, the batteries are dead," I swore to myself, tossing the dead flashlight onto the counter and shutting the drawer. I had only the flashlight in my bedroom left to try. God, I hoped it would work; otherwise I would have to put up with the dark for however the hell long the power was going to stay out. But retrieving it meant that I had to crawl all the way to the back of my apartment with no light.

So I let out a discontented sigh and continued crawling through my dark apartment, feeling the floor and walls along the way. I really hated this damned power outage, just as much as having to crawl around my damned apartment like an animal because I never checked the batteries in my damned flashlights. But after making it into my hallway, I found my open bedroom door and crawled over to my nightstand. I opened the top drawer and quickly found my flashlight. And there, I paused and hoped to God that this flashlight worked. Again, I certainly didn't want to spend the rest of my night in a dark apartment with no light and no air conditioning.

I aimed my flashlight across my room and placed my thumb on the switch, hoping that the flashlight would turn on. After a brief pause, I pushed the switch, and in an instant, the wall across from me became bathed in a large spot of golden-white light. I let out a sigh of relief as one big worry was lifted from my shoulders. I would no longer have to navigate my pitch black apartment on my hands and knees.

So with my flashlight in hand, I rose from the floor and began making my way toward my door. But when I turned my flashlight to my door, it revealed the form of the very diamond I had been encountering over and over. In pure shock, I dropped my flashlight to the floor and stumbled backward onto my bed. Why? Why was he standing there in my doorway?

Quick to act, I immediately opened my drawer and felt around inside. Immediately, I found a big, heavy book, removed it from my drawer, and hurled it toward where the diamond stood. However, all I heard was the book hitting the wall in the hallway and falling to the floor.

"Damn, missed," I cursed to myself. I quickly scurried over to my still-lit flashlight lying on the floor, then grabbed it and shined it at my door. But to my surprise, the daimon wasn't there. I merely stood there, with my flashlight illuminating my doorway, and my heart pounding at my chest.

"I see you've finally given up on a lot of things and have been keeping to yourself," his voice said, startling me. I swiftly turned my flashlight in the direction of his voice and saw him standing right next to my closet.

"Yeah, there isn't much for me to enjoy anymore," I responded after a brief pause. And then I raised my voice at him, "And it's all your fucking fault."

"My fault?" the daimon challenged, "You're the one who's been living a lie ever since they died. You're the one who covered up that trauma with the lie you've been living. And you're the one who's finally accepting the truth about it all."

I had no response for what he had just said. I couldn't fight it anymore, because it really was all true. I only became the person I was after my parents died, because I was all alone.

"In fact, that plane crash wasn't the only trauma you covered up," the daimon continued.

Yes, I had other traumas in my life too, but none that changed my life as much as the lost of my parents and the loss of someone else in my life who was important to me.

"You remember it just like it was yesterday, don't you?" he beckoned.

I sat there and hung my head and lowered my flashlight, knowing all too well what he was talking about. "Yeah, my sempai who broke my heart," I meekly replied.

"He left you, didn't he? And if that wasn't heartbreaking enough, he left you for your best friend," he explained.

A single tear welled up in my eye as he mentioned it. And yet, I had no response for it, not even a curse.

"He had feelings for her too, but in the end, as much as you had to try and offer him, he chose her over you," he continued, "He chose her because he couldn't stand your aggressive temper, your warrior's pride, and the tough girl reputation you carried at your old school. You tried to show him that you were different outside of school. You showed him your cooking skills. You went shopping with him. You even gave him flowers. But he saw through all that. He knew you were just using it all as a mask to cover up your bad reputation and your boyish personality. It made him uncomfortable to be with a younger girl who was both faster and stronger than he was, and almost as tall as he was. In reality, he was embarrassed by it. He saw through the lies you lived and was embarrassed by them."

I tightly clutched the flashlight in my hands as the tears continued to well up in my eyes. I had always wondered why he had broken my heart. But, a part of me had always known. He knew I lived alone ever since I was 8 years old. He knew that my size helped me to be physically strong and swift. And he knew I was quite proud of it to the point where the other students saw me as boyish. But, he also loved my cooking. And he always loved going shopping with me. But after he left me, I started doubting if he really did enjoy being with me. Maybe he did see it all as a mask I wore, just as the daimon was saying. Maybe that's why he chose Tomoko-chan over me. She stole my sempai from me. And since then, we haven't seen eye-to-eye, let alone talked.

"When he chose your best friend over you, you blamed her for it. She knew you and he were together, and still she had feelings for him as you did. But deep down inside, you knew that she wasn't the one living a lie. She wasn't the one masking the traumas she had suffered. And because of that, you placed the rift between you and her... with your right fist."

By then, a couple of tears rolled down from my cheeks, soaking into my pajama sleeves. She was my best friend. I loved her like a sister. And I punched her in the face and ran away crying when she told me that she and my unrequited love had gotten together.

"That was another trauma you covered up, wasn't it?" the daimon continued, "Ever since then, you pushed away everyone who tried to be closer to you. You avoided the other students, knowing that they would only betray you as your unrequited love and your estranged best friend did. And those who you couldn't push away, you fought. You got into more fights, both outside of school and even in school, ever since then. It didn't matter if they were another girl or even a boy. And with it, you fortified your tough-girl reputation to the point where some of the students started spreading rumors about you being in a gang of delinquent students. And you ravished it. And those who saw through that lie and tried to be friendly with you; you pushed them away because you wanted to be alone."

How does this daimon that I thought we had killed know all this about me? How, even in death, does he continue to appear before me and torment me with his revelations? With what and his words on my mind, I squeezed my flashlight and twisted it like I was wringing out a washcloth as more tears soaked into my sleeves.

"And then, a month after he broke your heart, you got into another fight with a student at your school that resulted in him going to the emergency room," he continued, "You fought him because he made fun of you for losing your love to your best friend. He made fun of you being dumped, made fun of why you were dumped, and picked a fight with you for it. He was the one who knew why your sempai broke your heart. He knew all about the pride you had in your size and strength. He knew all about your boyish ways and boyish personality. He even went as far as to call you a 'boy in a girl's body' before laying his hands on you. And in your desire to uphold your pride and continue living your lie, you beat him to the point where he coughed up blood."

That revelation didn't surprise me anymore. Although it was common knowledge that I was expelled from my old school because I kept getting into fights and had put a student in the emergency room, it was something I never lied to share with others. So it was no surprise to me that this daimon knew about it as well.

"You do remember me telling you about how you pushed your uncle away with your tough-girl charades, do you?" the daimon beckoned.

That sent a hell of a burning sensation shooting up my chest and into my throat. How could I forget everything he kept tormenting me with, no matter how much I tried? And as these words, as well as the previous times he's mentioned my uncle, weighed on my mind, more tears welled up in my eyes. And yet, he continued.

"It was one of the few times that your uncle did intervene in your life," the daimon explained, "He was the one who transferred you to Juuban Junior High after you were expelled from your old school. The only reason the police didn't get involved was because the other student had provoked you and placed his hands on you first. Even though you didn't start the fight, your uncle was quite disappointed in you. He was disappointed for all the fights you had gotten into. He was disappointed in the pride you had taken in it. He was even disappointed in your tough-girl attitude, your short temper, and the reputation you carried. The only reason he still accepted you, despite being pushed away, was because of your cooking and homemaking skills, and everything else girly that masked your boyish nature. Is that proof enough that you pushed him away?"

By then, the tears were cascading down my cheeks, soaking both my face and my pajama sleeves. He was right all along. Although I had chosen not to live with my uncle, my tough-girl nature was why he had little to do with me outside of providing me with my apartment, my food, and my clothing. I wanted to be tough. I wanted to show him that I could handle myself. And in doing so, I had pushed him away.

"But you wanted to push him away, didn't you? You wanted to be all alone," the daimon beckoned, "You wanted your sempai who you loved to leave you. You wanted both him and your best friend to leave you alone when they got together. You wanted the other students to avoid you. Why? It's because you took comfort in being alone, ever since your parents died. So you acted all tough and got into fights with others and developed your bad reputation so you could stay lonely. And you having a crush on a guy, having your best friend, and even having a crush on Motoki were all lies you lived to escape from being lonely."

"Why? Why are you telling me all of this?" I whimpered, with the tears in my eyes being made known through my voice.

"Because it is all proof of who you are and how you've tried to hide it all these years," the daimon replied, "You've lived these lies your whole life to cover up that trauma you suffered and the fear it bestowed upon you. You bask in your loneliness yet try to hide from it. You act all tough, yet you cook and clean. You contradict yourself in masking the loss of your parents. You contradict yourself to hide from your fears. How will Motoki ever like you if you're doing nothing but living lies to hide from that one traumatic event? He'll see through it all just as your sempai who broke your heart did."

I couldn't respond anymore. I just sat there, gripping my flashlight tightly in my hands as I silently cried.

"Your best friend was your only redemption from the lie you've been living. She was the light in your life when everything was dark. Yet, you pushed her away. Why? It's because she betrayed you, because she left you all alone for a guy that you both had feelings for. When she did, you masked that loss with your tough-girl charades. You had lost your family, and then you lost your best friend. You can't run from your trauma. You can't run from your fears," he continued, "You lived your life pretending it never happened, for 7 years. You lived your life contradicting yourself. You can't run forever, Makoto. For it will always catch up with you and torment you forever."

That last sentence echoed in my mind. He said nothing else after that, so I assumed that he had finally left. Everything he had said weighed heavily on my mind. Everything about my sempai who broke my heart, my best friend whom he chose over me, and my uncle whom I had pushed away was all true. It all reminded me that I really was alone. Ever since that plane crash, ever since Mother and Father died, I was alone. I lived alone, I went to school alone, and I even worked out alone. That goddamn bastard was right. I was used to being alone, and I pushed everyone away to be alone. And with those final thoughts, I shut my flashlight off, placed it back into my nightstand drawer, and lied down on my bed.

How much more did that bastard know about me? How much more can he torment me with these 7-year-old memories, and his revelations? If this was who I really was, why did he continue to show them to me? I had no way of running and hiding from it anymore. I had already given up cooking. I had already given up my pride in my strength. And he already convinced me that I wasn't as tough of a girl as I had pretended to be, for 7 years. So why did this keep happening to me?

And suddenly, everything in my apartment came back on. The power outage was over. As relieving as it could've been, I just didn't give a shit. All I thought about that night were the daimon's words and all these nightmares, flashbacks, and visions I've been getting and continue to get. And every time I thought about Mother and Father, all I could do was cry.

_The next day..._

I still lied there on my bed. My face and eyes were completely dry. I had cried on and off through the night until I could cry no more. I had gotten no sleep at all that night, much like the little sleep I had gotten the past few days. I couldn't get the plane crash out of my head. I couldn't stop thinking about the daimon's words. I couldn't sleep at all, and even if I could I'd just have more of those same nightmares that had plagued me for weeks.

The sun shining though my barely open curtains and on my face finally broke me from my long train of thought. I turned over and glanced at my alarm clock, which read 10:00am. God, did I really stay up that long? It was already late in the morning? Perhaps I really have lost my concept of time.

But just as I had thrown my legs over the side of my bed and stood from it, I immediately saw that plane at the airport. I saw it explode in a massive ball of flames, just like that day of our last battle with that daimon. I froze in place as the exploding plane flashed in my mind. I quickly squeezed my eyes shut shook that awful flashback from my head. I didn't want to think about it anymore. I had been thinking about it all night.

So I walked into my hallway, only to find that my apartment had disappeared all around me. My bedroom, my living room, my kitchen... were all gone. All I saw around me was an endless black void. And suddenly, a long row of rectangular lights formed all around me. I immediately froze and tensed up. "Oh my God, not again," I gasped to myself. Once again, I was standing inside of an airplane, the same one I've been seeing for weeks since that last battle. And then, rows of seats, many occupied with people, formed beside the windows. I looked all around me, watching the people as they buckled their seatbelts. And then, I saw my parents behind me, glancing happily out the window together.

Although seeing them like this usually brought me a warm feeling of joy, I only dropped to my knees and started trembling. I had seen this too many times and knew exactly what was happening, and what was about to happen. And just as expected, the plane began to buck up and down and roll violently, sending me flying about the cabin and the sending the people screaming. I couldn't even stand. As much as my mind was telling my legs to move, they would not obey and stayed frozen in place.

And then, just as my eyes had finally turned back to my parents, the outside of the plane burst into flames and quickly spread into the cabin. Not only were the people screaming in sheer panic, but I also witnessed the terrified look on my parents' faces. It was a look so horrifying that it would forever be burned into my memory. If that wasn't bad enough, the flames suddenly began to race toward me, consuming every frightened soul in its path.

"Mako-chan!!!" my mother screamed as the flames touched her and the plane exploded all around me, virtually blinding me. I tightly shut my eyes, squeezing a few tears from them and letting them roll down my cheeks. This was the other horrible sight and sound that would forever be burned into my memory.

Perhaps this was why I was afraid of airplanes so damn much. It was because one had taken my family away from me, turning their joyful moments into ones of sheer terror, and literally ripping my life apart when the news reached me. Perhaps it wasn't my fear of dying in a plane crash that had brought on that fear of airplanes in the first place, but rather what a plane crash had already done to me and was continuing to do to me.

Suddenly, the ring of a doorbell broke me from my thoughts. I opened my eyes to find myself back in the endless black void. The only thing I saw was an open door with a man in a suit and tie, a woman in a police uniform, and another man whom I had long since forgotten.

"Kino Makoto, I'm afraid I have some terrible news for you," an all-to-familiar voice echoed about the void, "I'm afraid your parents won't be coming home. Their plane crashed last night, and no one on board made it. Your mother... your father... they're gone. I'm so sorry."

"No," I gasped. Those words weren't just engrained into my memory; they were etched in stone 7 years ago. And every time I heard those words, I felt the same pain, the same loneliness, and the same emptiness that I had felt 7 years ago. "Mother... Father... you can't be gone," I gasped.

But they were gone. And all these horrifying visions of the plane crash that had taken their lives and Mother's dying screams were proof of it. And recently, those tormenting screams were what broke me every time. Why did Mother scream my name when she died? I did not know. But it made me feel as though I was supposed to have been there with them every time I heard that dreadful scream. Hell, I don't even remember anymore why I wasn't with them to begin with. Were they just taking some time to themselves without having to worry about me? Did they leave to visit some strange relatives, and I complained about not wanting to go? Did I bed and plead with them not to go, because I was 8 years old and afraid to be left alone? I just didn't know anymore.

I immediately fell to my hands and knees as the tears were cascading down my cheeks and to the floor like the Angel Falls. Immediately, my recent dreams of the plane crash, both outside and inside the plane, and Mother's dying screams flashed in my mind. And as another image of the detective flashed, I slammed my fist against the floor. Dammit, I should've been there with them, not that it would've kept the plane from crashing. But at least I would've been there with them during the last moments of their lives. I should've been there. Goddamn it, I should've been there. I should've died with them, and then I wouldn't be here... alone... reliving these hellish events... day by fucking day.

I closed my eyes tightly as those thoughts stayed on my mind. And as I thought about it, I saw the exploding plane on the tarmac from our last battle. I saw the inside of the plane as it burned everyone alive. I saw the burning building in the Juuban district. I saw the plane crashing in front of me at the Hikawa Jinja. All these images flashed in my mind. When I opened my eyes, I saw my apartment burning all around me. And upon seeing it, I let out a great scream that resonated throughout my burning apartment. After letting out that scream, I rose to my feet, and found my apartment to be completely normal and unscathed.

I then let myself fall back against my wall. I closed my eyes, squeezing a few more tears them, as I slid down the wall and to the floor, with my knees tucked in and touching my bosoms. And it was then that the final epiphany had begun to reveal itself.

It wasn't that daimon nor even these constant memories and visions that were bothering me anymore, but rather something deeper that had been beckoning me all along, something I had only recently begun to realize. It was the reasons that these visions had kept occurring and the reasons I had kept seeing that daimon: the fear that this was who I really was, and that this was how I was really living my life.

I was living my life contradicting myself, covering up the loss of my family with a tough-girl persona. It was something that I had taken great pride in, but in turn it scared away all the other girls, which was why I spend more of my time at home doing all the housework. Even my favorite hobby, mastering the culinary arts, was nothing but a mask I wore to hide myself from my trauma and my bad reputation. And I did it so others would accept me, so that they would see me as a lady and not as the boyish girl, and not as the lonely traumatized girl with no friends and no family.

That daimon, the one who had shown it all to me, was right. He was right all along and I couldn't run from it anymore. He showed me that under all the charades, I was nothing but a traumatized girl who hid from my wounds. And he showed me that the life I had lived for 7 years, even the life I was living then, was all a lie. Everything I ever loved, the people I loved... everything was all a lie. It was just as the daimon had told me once: time really did stand still when I heard those heart-shattering words 7 years ago. And even as I sat against my wall, I continued experiencing it over and over.

Without them, I was lonely. Without them, I was empty. No, without them, I was nothing. How could I have lived this lie for so long? And why only now do I realize it all? Why did it take a Death Busters daimon, making me face my worst fear of all, to remind me of who I really was? I didn't know, nor did I really give a shit. But somehow, I felt that I already knew the reason why I kept experiencing these awful visions every goddamn day and why nothing can even keep them off my mind.

I was being punished. The constant reminders, the plane crash, the detective at my door, the daimon laughing at my misery, the bodies burning alive, and Mother's dying screams were all retribution. And these constant visions would forever be my reckoning for living a lie, for covering up my trauma for 7 years. I couldn't even bear it for a couple weeks, a few weeks, or however the hell long it was. I just couldn't bear it for the 7 years I had lived my lies, let alone bearing it forever.

I lost my family 7 years ago. I lost my sempai whom I loved and then my best friend. I lost my pride as a Sailor Senshi and my pride in myself. I lost my desire to shop. I lost my desire to clean. I even lost my desire to cook. And if this was how things were going to be forever, then I have finally lost my desire to live.

So after leaning on against my wall with my knees tucked into my chest for God knows how long, I rose and walked back into my bedroom. Once there, I went straight to my nightstand and opened the drawer. Inside sat a few batteries, my flashlight that I had placed back inside last night, my jewelry box, a paperback romance novel, and a silver and black .38 revolver.

Now you might be wondering how a common Japanese citizen owns a handgun, especially a 15-year-old junior high student living by herself. Well, something I never told you was that my uncle was, and still is, a police officer in the Shinjuku Ward about 10km northwest of Juuban. Since I was only 15, my apartment was rented under his name. And he let me keep the gun, also registered in his name, for protection. But never once, until glancing upon it just then, have I ever thought that I'd use it to protect myself from the lies that I had been living and the punishment I would forever endure for it.

I gazed down at the shiny metal weapon as more tears began rolling down my cheeks. I then reached inside and took the black grip into my right hand and then took my gun out of the drawer. With my thumb, I slid the cylinder release and gazed at the six bullets seated perfectly inside. Satisfied with what I saw, I let out a discontented sigh as more tears were welling up in my eyes. I then closed the cylinder, spun it on its axis, and then walked backward toward my wall.

By then, my vision had blurred out from the tears in my eyes. I had fallen backward into my wall and let myself slowly slide down to the floor. And there, I pondered the weapon in my hand, wondering how I should end my suffering. Should I aim for the temple and end it all right there, quickly and painlessly? Or should I aim for the chest, and let the lie that was my life slowly bleed away?

As I pondered that, more images of the plane crash and the detective's life-shattering words flashed in my mind, prompting the tears in my eyes to roll down my cheeks and fall to my bosoms. And right them, I placed the barrel of the gun to my neck. I had decided that I wanted to die quickly, yet still feel the life drain out of me.

So with the end of the barrel resting against my carotid artery, I released the safety on the gun and placed my finger on the trigger. I closed my eyes, squeezing more tears from their prison. And immediately, the inside of that doomed airliner flashed in my mind. I tightened my grip on the gun as the plane burst into flames. My body trembled as the flames quickly raced toward me.

"Mako-chan!!!" my mother's voice screamed. And I pressed the barrel harder against my neck and began to put pressure on the trigger to forever end this horrible nightmare.

"Mako-chan, noooooo!!!" a different voice screamed. And immediately, I felt a pair of hands grab my wrist and pull the gun away from my neck.

Still trembling, and still alive, I opened my eyes. And through my blurry vision, brought about by my tears as they continued to well up in my eyes, I barely made out the form of a pair of blonde dumpling-shaped buns. I took my left sleeve and wiped the tears from my eyes. And it was then that I discovered what had happened. Usagi was lying there with her face buried in my right shoulder. She had a tight grip on my right wrist with one hand, and and a hold of my right hand and gun with her other hand, with her finger jammed behind the trigger.

"Mako-chan, please... no," Usagi barely gasped.

I had frozen, completely mesmerized at the sight before me. But as I sat there with Usagi leaning against me, trembling, and keeping a tight grip on my wrist and hand, I began to wonder what she was doing here and how she had gotten inside.

"Don't do it... Mako-chan," Usagi squeaked.

I only sat there, staring off into space. I didn't know what to do. I really wanted to die and forever end my punishment, but Usagi was leaning against me and holding the gun away from me. However, a small part of me was listening to her pleas and was desperately battling my desire to die. And as that battle raged on within me, I just sat there and gazed beyond my wall, totally spaced out.

"Please, Mako-chan," Usagi whimpered.

And as if by instinct, my left had laid itself on Usagi's shoulder. "Usagi-chan," I barely whispered.

And at the sound of my faint voice, Usagi lifted her face from my shoulder and looked directly into my eyes. Her eyes were nearly bloodshot red, with tears pouring down both cheeks. Yet despite her apparent despair, she was still keeping a tight grip on my wrist and gun.

"Why, Mako-chan? Why?" she pleaded, punctuating each word by hysterically shaking my right wrist, before breaking out into a mild weep.

"Usagi-chan," I gasped, still staring beyond the wall behind her as she wept.

After a moment, she looked back into my eyes, showing me the results of her crying as her eyes had completely turned red and watery. "Give me the gun," she ordered.

And as if I had no control over my body, and still giving my mile-long stare, my right hand obediently loosened its grip on the gun. Usagi then immediately took the barrel in her hand, slid her other hand under mine and onto the grip, and took the gun from my now trembling hand. It dropped lifelessly to the floor as my finger slid out of the trigger guard.

Usagi immediately engaged the safety and clutched the gun to her chest, with more tears welling up in her bloodshot eyes. I finally broke from my trance and gazed at my gun that Usagi held protectively in both hands. I then noticed that she was trembling quite noticeably, more so than even I was.

"Usagi-chan," I gasped, "Please... just let me die."

"No!" Usagi snapped, "Not until you tell me what the hell has gotten into you?"

I only stared down at her lap at her response. I couldn't tell her what was going on, just like back when I witnessed that burning building and saw that daimon mocking me. I couldn't tell her that everything she ever knew about me was all a lie, and that I was forever living this nightmare as retribution. I knew Usagi, and I knew she was just going to downplay it and sugarcoat it like she always did. Well, these goddamn visions and nightmares were not anything that any amount of sugarcoating could ever make all happy and better.

"Tell me, Mako-chan," Usagi pleaded.

Remembering my confusion from earlier, I uttered the first thing that came to my mind, "Usagi-chan, what are you doing here? How'd you get in?"

"What am 'I' doing here?" Usagi snapped in response and then went a little hysteric, "I came over to see if you were alright. I haven't seen you in school for over 2 weeks since you passed out before that study session. You missed every study group that Rei-chan and Ami-chan had scheduled for us since then. I've even tried calling you, and all I ever got was your answering machine. Goddamn it, Mako-chan, I was worried about you."

I only sat there and stared down at the small space in between us. I really had no response to what all she had said. But after a moment of silence between us, one part of her hysterical response had sunk into my head.

"Has it really been only 2 weeks?" I wondered.

And immediately, Usagi leaned in very close to my face. "You mean you don't even know how long you've been out of school?!" she loudly protested.

A winced as she yelled in my face. But then, I only hung my head down in defeat. "To be honest, I don't even know how long it's been anymore," I said.

Usagi then backed away from me, yet still sitting in the same place in front of me on her knees. She wore a very concerned look on her face. "Mako-chan, you're really scaring me," she said, "What is wrong with you? This isn't like you at all."

"No shit," was my only response. This wasn't the Kino Makoto that everyone knew. This was the real Kino Makoto, a depressed, traumatized, lonely girl with no family, who's been living lies for 7 years to hide it all. And for the first time, Usagi was seeing me as the person I really was. And that prompted another response from me. "Please Usagi-chan... just go away," I gasped, not even meeting her eyes with my own.

"No! I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's really going on," she snapped back. I looked completely away from her, knowing that I was defeated. That response right there told me that I wasn't going to get rid of her. As much as I used to enjoy her company, I really didn't want Usagi to be here.

"Come on, Mako-chan," Usagi urged, "Something tells me that you passing out from that run to a study group wasn't what it seemed."

Silence was my only answer. If I told her what was really going on, what I was really feeling, she'd just turn away and leave me like everyone else in my life has. Even Usagi wouldn't want to be friends with the real Kino Makoto.

"I know you're hiding something serious," Usagi insisted, "And me coming over to find you holding a gun to your neck is proof of it. Now tell me. What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Why should I tell you?" I snapped back, looking directly into her eyes. She just wouldn't give up, and it was starting to piss me off. "All you ever do is sugarcoat everything. You have no idea about the kind of torment and anguish I've been enduring these past few weeks, or however the hell long it's been."

"What?!" All I do is sugarcoat everything?!" Usagi protested, "You know me better than that, Mako-chan. You know I'll always listen to whatever's on your mind. Besides, how the hell can I sugarcoat something this serious?"

Those words drew a few tears from my eyes. A part of me was wanting to share my pain and suffering with Usagi. But I was afraid to tell her. And the other part of me wanted her to go away so she wouldn't have to see me die by my own hands. Finally, Usagi let out a sigh.

"You're right, I don't have any idea what kind of torture going through," she said before raising her voice at me, "But dammit, are you just going to throw your life away like that?"

"My life is a lie, Usagi-chan," I retorted, turning again to meet her eyes with my own and showing her the tears that had once again come forth. I had no control over the words that had come out of my mouth just then. It was like they had to be said, whether I wanted them to be or not. However, it did succeed in grabbing Usagi's attention like it was a news flash.

"What do you mean by that?" she wondered.

"You wouldn't understand," I immediately replied.

"What wouldn't I understand?" she rebutted.

"Just a lot of things that have been on my mind recently, that's all," I replied, turning away from her with the other side of me making its stand.

"I can see that. And I don't think it's just the plane crash or the death of your parents, is it?" she said. I couldn't hold back from her anymore. She was just going to poke and prod like she always did, and wasn't going to give up until I told her the truth. And her persistence was what drew even more tears from my eyes.

As they shed, Usagi placed her hand on my shoulder, prompting me to look back into her eyes. "Mako-chan, you can tell me," she said, "You can tell me anything, okay? I'm here for you. Don't hold back."

And at that moment, I threw my arms around her, buried my face in her shoulder, and broke out crying. As I cried, I heard her toss my gun onto the bed before she wrapped her armed around me in a loving embrace.

"I want to die, Usagi-chan," I sobbed, "I can't go on living like this anymore."

"Shhh..." she said as she stroked the back of my hair and neck.

"You can't possibly understand the kind of hell I'm going through," I continued between sobs and sniffles, "You still have both your parents and a younger brother. You still have a family. I have nothing."

"You're wrong, Mako-chan," Usagi argued, "You have Ami-chan. You have Rei-chan. You have Minako-chan. You have me. You have friends who will always love you... just let us." She tightened her hold of me as she too broke out crying. "I don't want you to die, Mako-chan," she sobbed, "I don't want you to die."

As she cried into my shoulder, and my own tears were soaking into hers, the part of me that had cried out for Usagi's help was finally winning over my desire to get rid of her and die in peace. Having given up on getting rid of her, I really had no choice anymore but to tell her about my nightmares, about the daimon, and about the lies I had lived for 7 years. If the real Kino Makoto shocked Usagi enough for her to not want anything to do with me anymore, then so be it. It was the story of my life, after all.

Usagi then lifted her face from my shoulder. "Hey Mako-chan, what did you mean by 'your life is a lie'?" she asked me.

I then removed my face from her shoulder, showing her my own watery and bloodshot eyes. "Okay, Usagi-chan," I gasped, "I'll tell you."

I closed my watery eyes, squeezing a few more tears out, and took a deep breath. Usagi then released her embrace and slid out of my arms before taking both of my hands into hers.

"Well, Usagi-chan," I said, taking another deep breath before I began, "It's not just the plane crash or the loss of my family that's been on my mind. It's everything that came about as a result of it all."

"Oh? Like what?" Usagi wondered, with her eyebrows and ears perking up.

"Ever since our last battle, I've not only been having nightmares of both the plane crash and the police detective at my door," I explained. I paused for a brief moment and took another deep breath as I felt an apprehensive burning sensation spread throughout my body. "I've been having flashbacks, visions, and hallucinations of it all as well."

"Oh my God," Usagi gasped in shock, giving my hands a gentle squeeze, "You mean this has been going on ever since that strange daimon made you relive that horrible event in your life?"

I only nodded in response. "It's not just that," I continued as more tears quickly welled up in my eyes, ""I've been seeing that bastard daimon over and over." By then, I became hysterical and started whimpering, "He shows me these visions, he brings back these awful memories, he even tells me about how I've been living my life ever since then. And it's all fucking true."

Usagi remained silent as she heard it all. As I once again broke out into a weep, she pulled me into her arms and held me tightly against her chest. As she held me, she gently stroked my back and neck while I cried into her shoulder. "I can't take it, Usagi-chan," I sobbed, "I can't keep going through this over and over."

"What's the daimon saying to you? What's he been showing you?" she gently gasped.

When she asked me, I said the first thing that came to mind, "When I punched that guy out... I saw that daimon. I distinctly saw him. He said that the burning building was what I fear, who I am, and that I live my life running from it."

"So that's why you punched that poor guy out," said Usagi, clutching me tighter.

"Mmhmm," I nodded against her shoulder. I then wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled myself tighter against her as I continued. "That time when I ran to study group and passed out... I wasn't sick. I was running away from that daimon, Usagi-chan," I whimpered as more tears soaked into her blouse, "He showed me a lot of fires, he crashed a plane right in front of me, and he told me that my tough girl personality was nothing but a mask I wore to hide the death of my parents. I was running from him. I was scared out of my mind and was running from him, but I couldn't get away."

I felt her arms tighten around me. I felt her stroking the back of my head and neck. I even felt her kiss the top of my head. Perhaps she really was listening. Perhaps she wasn't going to try and sugarcoat it. Perhaps she was starting to understand a little about what I was going through. But God, did I ever have a surprise in store for her.

"He's been saying all that all this time?" she gasped as it all started to sink in.

"He said that I only became a strong and tough girl to cover up that loss," I continued, "I only became boyish so that being alone didn't hurt as much. I was only a strong girl so I could run away from the time that the police told me that Mother and Father weren't coming home. And if that's not bad enough, he said that all my cooking, shopping, and everything was all another mask I wore to cover up the bad reputation I had developed and hide my boyish personality."

"But that daimon is dead," Usagi protested, "We killed it. We returned Motoki-san's friend's pure heart. How can you believe such rubbish when he's dead?"

"I know he's dead," I replied. I loosened my hold of Usagi's waist and lifted my face from her shoulder. "The daimon is me, Usagi-chan," I explained, "The daimon I kept seeing over and over was me all along. It's a part of me that's been beckoning me ever since that daimon showed me that horrible event from 7 years ago. He knew my darkest secrets. He knew I had lived my life contradicting myself. But no one knows the real meaning behind it all more than me."

Usagi was quivering as I explained it to her and was loosening her embrace. "What do you mean?" she questioned.

"I've been living my whole life to cover up the pain I felt when my parents died," I continued, "I became a tough girl to run away from it all. And then, I covered that up by becoming a good cook and housekeeper. I've been living a lie for 7 years, Usagi-chan, and I'm being punished for it."

Usagi then let go of me completely. I turned and took one quick glance at her when I heard her shuddering. I saw her eyes filled with tears and her face on the verge of crying. By then, I could tell that everything I was telling her had finally sunk in.

"So now you know why," I continued, as I turned away from her teary eyes, "I'm just a lonely and traumatized girl with no family, who will forever be punished for living a lie and running away from it all. I can't live like this anymore... I can't live with the lies and the punish..."

And just as I had said that, before I could finish that last sentence, Usagi grabbed my shoulders, turned me to face her and look into her tear-filled eyes, and then slapped me hard across the face. She then took my shoulders again and turned me to face her again.

"Dammit, Mako-chan, you're lying to yourself," she yelled, shaking me for emphasis, "The only lie you've been living was the last few weeks. You're letting that memory of the plane crash and news the police gave you take over you. You're letting it convince you that you've been running. Dammit, you're a stronger girl than that."

"Strong? I'm not that strong, Usagi-chan," was my only response as I looked down and away from her eyes. "I've only been living this lie to cover up the pain of losing my family," I explained, "If I was really that strong, then I wouldn't be like this."

"You haven't been living a lie, Mako-chan," Usagi argued," You just grew up, that's all. You've lived by yourself since you were 8 years old. You learned how to take care of yourself, you learned how to protect yourself, and you even learned how to cook the best gourmet cuisines. You're a strong girl because you grew into a strong girl. You didn't live lies to cover up that loss, you just became stronger. The Mako-chan I know and love 'is' the real Mako-chan."

Usagi paused for a moment and looked away. She let out a rather discontented sigh as a frown formed on her face, like something she said had struck her too. "In fact, I envy you," she meekly said, "You're a much stronger girl than I'll ever be. And I could never be the kind of cook that you are, even if I really tried. I'm just a crybaby and a bit of a klutz."

And for the first time in God knows how long, even if it was only for a second, a bit of a smile formed on my face. Usagi was always good at making others smile, even at her own expense. But that smile quickly disappeared before Usagi could even see it. "Yeah, that's because you're so carefree," I finally replied, "All you ever have to worry about is food, shopping, Mamoru-san, and all the finer things in life. But, you also have entrance exams to worry about. You have a family who worries about you, who cares for you, and who helps keep you down to earth when things go wrong. You haven't faced the same adversities as I have."

"Yeah, you're right," Usagi sighed in agreement. She then looked directly into my eyes with a sorrowful look on her face. "I'm sorry I slapped you," she apologized before raising her voice at me, "But don't you think you're being a little selfish? You're not the only one who's gone through the loss of family. Rei-chan lost her mother when she was young and wants nothing to do with her father. And if that's not bad enough, Mamo-chan lost both of his parents in a car crash on his 6th birthday, a crash that he miraculously survived. If anyone can understand what you're going through, it's him."

Those words struck me like a bolt of lightning, and sent another burning sensation flowing throughout my body. And as I thought about it, I buried my face in both my hands, hiding the tears cascading down my cheeks. Oh my God, what was I doing? What was I thinking? All she had to do was mention the fact that Mamoru was an orphan, and it immediately made me think about him. He had suffered the same loss as I had, and at an earlier age, no less. But he was living a perfectly good life, loving someone like Usagi, and studying hard to become a doctor. I look at myself, and I realized that I had all of that too, at least until I faced my worst fear for the first time and the memories it had brought back. And as I thought about it, I drew in a sharp breath and burst out crying.

Usagi quickly grabbed a hold of me and yanked me into her arms. She clutched me tightly, burying my face into her chest as I wept. And in response, I threw my arms around her and returned her embrace.

"I miss them, Usagi-chan," I sobbed, "Mother... Father... I miss them so much."

"It's okay to cry, Mako-chan," said Usagi, keeping a tight hold of me, "Just let it all out."

"When that police detective came to my door," I whimpered in between sharp breaths, ""And told me that my parents weren't coming home... I felt like time had stood still for me... and I was all alone... and I all I could ever do was cry."

"Oh my God," Usagi gasped as she continued to hold me.

"I don't even remember anymore where they flew to, what they were doing, or even why I wasn't there with them..." I continued.

"Mako-chan!" Usagi snapped, shutting me up mid-sentence, as she tightened her hold on me, "Just be grateful that you lived. You may have lost your family when you were 8, but since you transferred to Juuban Junior High, you gained us. We're your family now, Mako-chan. We're all here for you. We'll all listen to you. We'll all help you out.... We all care about you.... We all love you, Mako-chan."

Usagi began shuddering at her last sentences, and began whimpering, "Please, Mako-chan, if you die... a part of me will die with you... I just don't know what I'll do if I lose you."

"I just can't get these damned visions out of my head," I cried into her chest, "I can't get these damned dreams out of my head. I keep being tormented by these horrible visions of the plane crash, the detective's heart-shattering words, and Mother screaming my name as she died. I can't get them out of my head."

Usagi then grabbed my shoulders, pushed me off of her chest, and glanced directly into my tear-filled eyes. "Then let us help you," she said, "You're a strong-hearted girl with a powerful will, but you're not invincible. It's okay to come to us, to tell us what's bothering you. We'll help you get through this, just let us."

She then pulled me back into her arms and let me cry into her shoulder as she too let out a mild weep. "I love you, Mako-chan," she whimpered, "I don't ever want to lose you."

And we sat there, embraced for God knows how long. I cried into her shoulder, releasing the many weeks of pain and anguish I had endured. A part of me had cried out for Usagi's help, and here she was, keeping me from taking my own life and convincing me that I was letting my memories defeat me. She didn't run away from me like I had thought she would, but rather saw through my pain and misery, and saw through the person I had convinced myself that I was.

After a while, after we had calmed down from our crying, I was the first to speak up. "Hey Usagi-chan, how'd you get in?" I asked, changing the mood, "I thought I my door was locked."

Usagi then let go of me and looked into my eyes with a bit of a smile. "Silly, you were the one who told me where you hide your spare key," she playfully scolded.

"Oh, right," I remembered, with a bit of a smile of my own forming on my face. I swear to God, Usagi was contagious.

She then gave my shoulders a loving squeeze before she rose to her feet. She then let me go and turned to walk toward my door.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going to call Mother and let her know that I'll be staying the night here," she replied, "It's okay that I spend the night with you, right?"

"Yes, of course it is," I replied, But don't we have school?"

"It's Saturday," said Usagi, smiling at me, "We didn't have half-day classes today. I'll be back, okay?"

"Okay, but my phone is broken. You'll have to use my neighbor's," I explained, remembering that I had thrown it against my wall and shattered it.

Usagi then walked back to my bed and picked my gun up. "I think I'd better hold onto this, just in case you have any second thoughts," she said.

"It's okay, Usagi-chan. I won't need it," I responded as I proudly shook my head, "Just put it back in my nightstand."

Usagi then gave me a rather knowing look, "Are you sure?"

"I promise," I said, smiling at her.

"Okay," she said as she opened the drawer to my nightstand and placed my gun inside. She then walked toward my door, and then stopped to look back at me. "I'll be back in a minute, okay?" she said, smiling at me as she disappeared into my hallway.

I sat there as I heard my front door open and close. Everything was going to be okay, after all. It was going to be hard, and I was probably going to have more visions and flashbacks, but I wasn't going to have to face them alone anymore. Usagi was there for me, and I wasn't going to lose her like I had lost my sempai who broke my heart, like I had also lost Tomoko-chan.

Sure, there may have been some truth to the daimon's words, but the rest of the words were merely my own interpretations. Those truths were a part of me, every bit as much as my pain, my fears, my pride, my love for cooking, and my identity as Sailor Jupiter. Usagi showed me that I always was my true self, and that I wasn't alone after all. I had Usagi. I had Ami. I had Rei. I had Minako. I also had a bit of a crush on Motoki.

So I leaned back against my wall and let out the biggest sigh of relief that I had ever let out in my life. No matter what was going to happen from then on, I was assured that I would never have to face it alone.

_... And thus ends my story._

_

* * *

_

That is the story of how I faced my worse fear of all. As easy as it was to avoid airplanes, to avoid ever having to fly them, that fear still came back to me from within. No one can truly hide from their fears, for they will one day have to face them.

When I faced my fear of airplanes for the first time, it tortured me with the horrible memories of my parents' death. It made me look at myself and scrutinize how I had been living my life. My fear took such control over me that it had distorted how I looked at the world, how I looked at my friends, and how I looked at myself. Usagi was right. The only lie I ever lived was my own distorted point-of-view in the few weeks since my battle.

Fear changes us when we come face-to-face with it. It can make us do things we never thought we could do. It can change our views of life, the world, and even ourselves. It can unmask our true selves, or it can distort them. Fear can do many things to us and change us in many ways. For me, my fear nearly cost me my life.

Now you may be wondering: Would I have really done it? Would I have actually pulled that trigger and forever ended my suffering? Well... if Usagi had come over even a mere few seconds later... I would not be here right now, sharing my story with you.

But it changed me. It reminded me that I was only human, that I was frail and finite. I may have been physically strong and had an iron will, but I wasn't invincible. I was vulnerable to fear and anguish just like everyone else was. It taught me how to accept my fear as a part of my true self. And finally, it reminded me that no matter what adversities I faced, including my fears, I would never have to face them alone.

I had Usagi, the first true friend I had made since my old flame broke my heart and chose Tomoko-chan over me. She saw through my bad reputation, and saw through the lies I lived after facing my fears. She accepted my past, she accepted my strengths, and she even accepted my weaknesses. And that's not all. Through her, I met Ami and Rei, and later Minako. I even met some new and interesting friends since then, especially a strong-willed and highly-athletic, yet elegant girl named Haruka.

Usagi was there for me during my most desperate hour. She not only saved my life, but also showed me everything that made it worth saving. And for that, I will be forever grateful.

Since that day, I've slowly regained my confidence in myself. I grew even stronger than I was before, both physically and emotionally. And the biggest boost in my confidence came when I passed my entrance exams... on my first try. I went to Juuban Municipal High School, where I joined the cooking and gardening clubs despite my peers urging me to take up athletics.

It's quite funny, really. I still take great pride in my physical prowess, yet won't participate in any sports. Instead, I take up cooking, baking, decorating, and gardening. So maybe I do contradict myself, but I'm okay with that. After all, it's still my dream to be a great chef, florist, and cake decorator who will one day open a fine gourmet restaurant. And... I still want to be a bride. I still have someone particular in mind, and the good news is that he's available since he let Reika-san go to live her dream. So maybe I'll ask him out on a date soon.

However, I still won't step on an airplane to save my life, even to this day. And sometimes I still think about Mother and Father, and still have an occasional dream about them. But I've learned to accept it, for it's every bit a part of me as my dreams. And as I look at myself now, I know that Mother and Father would be proud of the girl I grew up to be. And as long as I know that in my heart, I know things will turn out just fine.

"Hey Mako-chan, the cake's done," Usagi's voice summoned.

"Yeah, we want to try out your newest cake," Minako added.

"I'll be there in a minute," I replied.

Well, everyone's waiting to try my newest and greatest cake ever, one that will become something enjoyed all around the world. So I leave you with this:

Fear is a powerful emotion. If you ever have to face it, don't let it take over you completely. If you can't face it alone, then turn to someone you truly love and trust. You'd be surprised with the results. But fear is also the most honest emotion, and will keep you humble whenever you get to thinking too highly of yourself.

Also, cherish everything you have, especially your friends. True friends are always there for you. They'll listen to what's on your mind, and they'll lend you a helping hand when you need it. But, you can also trust them to be honest with you. They'll be your biggest supporter, they'll be someone to lean on, and they'll also let you know when you're being an idiot. And when you face your toughest challenges, including your fears, your friends can help you to face them and overcome them. Alone, you are strong. But together, you can triumph.

Farewell, and take care of each other.

_The End_

* * *

Disclaimer: As usual, Sailor Moon and most of the characters ain't mine, but belong to Naoko Takeuchi. And God bless that woman for creating such great entertainment for all of us with a lot of free time on our hands to enjoy. The English dub belongs to DiC Entertainment and Cloverway, and I only thank them for bringing' it to America, nothing more. But Russell Hino/Hino Kyodai, Tuxedo Inferno, Titanius, and Deanna Kokorono/Kokorono Meijin are MINE (in a growling voice). So, please don't sue me. I'm just a lonely man who ain't got anything but his pride. Well, y'all enjoy this fanfic and e-mail me.

Have fun Sailor Moon fans,  
Viper Inferno  
(Y2V)


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